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Thread: Help! My husband is never in the mood...

  1. #1
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    Default Help! My husband is never in the mood...


    My husband is never in the mood for sex. I wish I knew what I could do to/for him to help out the situation. I'm lucky if I get sex once every 2 months. He sees nothing wrong with this. When I mention it he gets mad at me. I know he's not cheating. I know he loves me. I just wish we had sex more often. I feel like I've tried everything to get him in the mood but nothing seems to work. All summer I made myself look sexy and tried to get him to notice me but he didn't. I'm beginning to feel lonely and loose self-esteem. Anyone have any advice? Thanks.

  2. #2
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    Same problem here, different genders. Some people just don't seem interested in sex.

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    I think the biggest issue is the fact that you are in need of something and your spouse is not willing to cooperate. Forget the fact that you need sex. What has happened to the marriage? You two are suppose to be in this together. I think you need to sit down explain your needs and based on his decision decide what you are willing to do. I think lack of sex is the symptom of a larger problem. Where there is smoke there is fire.

  4. #4
    Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Array shweedart's Avatar
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    The thing that annoys me when you talk to people about this, is when they say things like 'Just jump on him, do this and do that'
    But its really not that easy is it
    Plus it makes you feel rubbish because what seems to work for everyone else doesn't work for you...and It makes you feel undesirable (my bf went through a phase of not wanting to know)


    You've mentioned that you try talking to him about it, in those attempts, does he know how much it upsets you?
    Try couples therapy? although the idea might offend him a bit...
    Coin operated men are the way forward

    Is it worth investing in a vibe for those needs if all else fails? I'm sure it wont compare to the closeness of real sex but give it a shot

  5. #5
    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array Phoebee's Avatar
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    I went through this. I obsessed on myself. What am "I" doing wrong? Am I too fat? Am I not sexy enough for him? Is he more interested in TV or the computer then me? What happened to change him from "bothering me" all the time for sex to not even being willing?

    Girls its worth asking a different question. Is it "possible" that he has a problem? We had already gone through the ED/Impotence thing and thought that was solved with Viagra and a pump (VED) but the pills just piled up and the pump gathered dust. 2x a month was about all we could manage and that was all about me pushing him to do it never him asking me. I was so unhappy I started therapy and even took some depression meds. All that did was make me care less about "anything"

    I know this is just our case but we got involved in a few online support groups like support ED Partners etc and now we know its more common then anyone thinks.

    DH has Hypogonadism. Some people call it "male Menopause" but in his case it wasn't natural aging it was simply testicles that were not producing enough male hormones. We think in his case Mumps when he was 17. Anyway its important to note that there are many things that can cause the same kind of problem. Thyroid problems is another one for example. Some men's testes just shut down at an early age etc. Anyway, his doctor put him on a drug called Androgel. This is a gel thats full of testosterone and is rubbed into the skin to give him normal levels.

    I was just astonished. He went from being a real car wreck into a really great guy. Testosterone is not just about sex drive. Its mood, energy, memory, thinking etc. It doesn't solve everything overnight but piece by piece I've gotten DH back!

    We have had more sex in the last two weeks then we did in two years of him being goofed up. He takes injections now (Cost is lower) but DO go check out the Androgel site. They have an online quiz that you or he can take to give you an idea if he should have his hormones tested.

    Don't put this on yourself! Hang in there.

    Hugs - Phoebee
    "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got." ~ Janis Joplin

  6. #6
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    Unhappy I feel for you

    I truely understand how you feel. I always hear how women always are not in the mood and I felt so alone to have the opposite problem. It is comforting to find other women in the same predicament. My husband always has excuses about why he doesn't want to do anything. He's always too tired, or has a headache, or too busy. I stress about what is wrong with me but then I have other guys who hit on me. So I have to beleive that I haven't changed that much since we got married eight years ago. Unfortunatly I don't have any words of wisdom but at least you know there is a kindred spirit out here.

  7. #7
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    I know exactly how you feel. It's frustrating because I always thought men were the genders notorious for wanting sex all the time, and also because my bf and I are only 20! On good weeks, we'll have sex once every 3 days or so, but sometimes it's weeks until I end up getting him to do it with me. He's never the one to initiate and it makes me feel like I'm ugly and/or fat and/or i gross him out in some other way, or I'm bad at it. if I could have sex every day, multiple times a day, I would love to, but he's just never interested. I give way more bj's than I get sex.
    It sucks.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phoebee View Post
    I went through this. I obsessed on myself. What am "I" doing wrong? Am I too fat? Am I not sexy enough for him? Is he more interested in TV or the computer then me? What happened to change him from "bothering me" all the time for sex to not even being willing?

    Girls its worth asking a different question. Is it "possible" that he has a problem? We had already gone through the ED/Impotence thing and thought that was solved with Viagra and a pump (VED) but the pills just piled up and the pump gathered dust. 2x a month was about all we could manage and that was all about me pushing him to do it never him asking me. I was so unhappy I started therapy and even took some depression meds. All that did was make me care less about "anything"

    I know this is just our case but we got involved in a few online support groups like support ED Partners etc and now we know its more common then anyone thinks.

    DH has Hypogonadism. Some people call it "male Menopause" but in his case it wasn't natural aging it was simply testicles that were not producing enough male hormones. We think in his case Mumps when he was 17. Anyway its important to note that there are many things that can cause the same kind of problem. Thyroid problems is another one for example. Some men's testes just shut down at an early age etc. Anyway, his doctor put him on a drug called Androgel. This is a gel thats full of testosterone and is rubbed into the skin to give him normal levels.

    I was just astonished. He went from being a real car wreck into a really great guy. Testosterone is not just about sex drive. Its mood, energy, memory, thinking etc. It doesn't solve everything overnight but piece by piece I've gotten DH back!

    We have had more sex in the last two weeks then we did in two years of him being goofed up. He takes injections now (Cost is lower) but DO go check out the Androgel site. They have an online quiz that you or he can take to give you an idea if he should have his hormones tested.

    Don't put this on yourself! Hang in there.

    Hugs - Phoebee
    hello, i am having a problem in my marriage with sex, we only have sex twice a month. We are both young i am 27 and he is 26, we have dated for 4 yrs and have been married for 2yrs and he very rarely innitiates sex, i have the greater sex drive, which makes this a problem, but i also catch him looking at porn occasionally, i don't know what to do, i am very unhappy with my sex life, and the intimacy. Is cheating even an actual reason or am i just the one with the problem.

    confused..?

  9. #9
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    help
    i am married and having sex twice a month
    and i am to young for all this i need more and i don't know if my husband is the problem or is it me?

  10. #10
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    im sorry i have yet to have this problem but im sure if i were id try to spice it up a little bit. have you tried any sexual tactics? well me personally to get my man further in the mood we start in the moring with sexually explicit texts. [but if your not that type or he is not try romantic texts] anyhow when my boyfriend arrives home im standing at the top of the stairs with only 4 inch heels. and we immediately go at it.

    also ive tried putting my panties in his car. ALWAYS WORKED FOR ME.
    and ive tried post its. they go a really long way with the human body.


    i know what works for me may not work for you but i just thought may i could at least inform you on some things that did help me.

    anyhow have you tried talking to him. because thats always a good thing when you have a problem in your relationship. how is the communication?
    [free my cnote]b0dy and s0le[sneaker.freaker]


    1 yr and 4 months

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