Is He Gay, Has He Been Sexually Abused? What's Going On?

Neglected · 09-17-2008, 12:37 PM

A few weeks ago I found an e-mail dated in January of 2007, saying that my b/f wanted to get together with a couple (male and female). Apparently he had found them on the internet on yahoo personals or something like that. We have only been together for about 5 months and I am 4 months pregnant (but found out 3 months ago).
We used to have sex not a WHOLE lot but it happened 2 or 3 times a week.
We moved in immediately after getting together and we were very much in love from the start. However we were both on drugs and struggling and things started getting kinda bad and we had absolutely no physical contact for about a month...He would stay up all night long unil the early afternoon on his laptop...Sometimes he would be on it for 10-12 hours STRAIGHT! I approached him several times about it I even tried seducing him and sexy outfits but he just wouldn't budge...From the start he was always a 1 minute man and never really showed much interest in getting ME off but I just kinda went with it because I cared about him so much. Eventually we started f***ing again but that's all it was....And at that time he was more aggressive and took more of a dominant roll than before (he was much more gentle and nervous in the beginning).
After we found out that I was pregnant we only had sex a few times (in the last 3 months)...He'll either say he's too tired, he'll even push my hand away when I'm trying to touch him down there....
The other day he mentioned something that caught my attention: He was on his way to work and supposedly a man approached him, asking him if he wanted to go back to his house with him and his g/f to do the double-penetration thing....He seems to get approached by gay guys all the time and sometimes I ask myself if the reason he tells me these things is to see my reaction?
He pays a lot of attention to me and we get along great and he always smacks by butt and plays with my boobs - it just never seems to go any further than that...
WHAT IS GOING ON???
BTW I am 25 and he is 36

**Hystorm** · 09-17-2008, 02:19 PM

Gay or strait, he is messed up!

And no, people just are not approached by guys to ask for group sex. Unless you are living in lace San Francisco.

In any case, something is very wrong here. Unless he is just angry at you subconsciously that you are pregnant and trying to block it out.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-17-2008, 04:12 PM

If he is bringing up threesomes, and double penetration in conversations with you, and viewing things online for up to 12 hours, in and out with you, and that's it, chances are that he has fantasties, has already done, wants to do, and will ....

More importantly, just because a guy smacks you on the bum, grabs your boobs playfully and laughs with you.

If he's non attentive in every other department, if he is not close to you, is that what you want?

I think that he is baiting you for your opinion, if you said it didn't bother you some guy would be in a bed with the pair of you tomorrow.

The only way to find out is turn it around and bait him and get your reply.

CW

**WildChild** · 09-17-2008, 06:32 PM

Doesn't sound like this relationship has much going for it, little or lousy sex, no interaction really. Why are you still there? How is your life better with him than it would be without him? He's got problems with PE, drugs, is manipulative. I just don't see what positive you have gotten, are getting or hope to get out of this relationship?

zeotart · 09-17-2008, 07:22 PM

Yeah, butt smacking and boob playing doesn't mean he's straight. This one guy I had a crush on squeezed my butt and I immedietly thought "dude, this guy is so into me, he can't even resist!" Only to find out a week later, when he came over to my apartment to "tell me something important"............ yep, he was gay.

Anyway, maybe you should just be straightforward and ask him what the deal is with your relationship. If he's not giving you any info, maybe he does just want you to leave him alone...

Hope things work out.

**silvertae** · 09-19-2008, 11:11 AM

I agree with others. This is not a healthy relationship. Like CW said, he's feeling you out by mentioning these things. I imagine if you gave it a few more years he'd come out as gay. But do you really want to stay around for that?

**Uneeklyme** · 09-19-2008, 03:11 PM

Hmm... nah, hes not gay nor abused. It would seem to me he is typical male in the fantasy of having sex with more than one person at a time. Most often its two women but alot of men fantasize about nailing one woman with another man too.

I would look at this problem more from the angle of... got pregnant within a month of meeting, moved in within two months of meeting and now stuck in a situation that maybe he didn't want in the first place. I am assuming the pregnancy wasn't planned. Maybe he is stressed out. Maybe he was out looking for a good time and got himself stuck into a serious situation.

Ask him. If you can't communicate with him about things like this then how do you expect to make a life with him for the long haul.

09-17-2008, 12:37 PM	#1
Neglected Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 1	Is He Gay, Has He Been Sexually Abused? What's Going On? A few weeks ago I found an e-mail dated in January of 2007, saying that my b/f wanted to get together with a couple (male and female). Apparently he had found them on the internet on yahoo personals or something like that. We have only been together for about 5 months and I am 4 months pregnant (but found out 3 months ago). We used to have sex not a WHOLE lot but it happened 2 or 3 times a week. We moved in immediately after getting together and we were very much in love from the start. However we were both on drugs and struggling and things started getting kinda bad and we had absolutely no physical contact for about a month...He would stay up all night long unil the early afternoon on his laptop...Sometimes he would be on it for 10-12 hours STRAIGHT! I approached him several times about it I even tried seducing him and sexy outfits but he just wouldn't budge...From the start he was always a 1 minute man and never really showed much interest in getting ME off but I just kinda went with it because I cared about him so much. Eventually we started f***ing again but that's all it was....And at that time he was more aggressive and took more of a dominant roll than before (he was much more gentle and nervous in the beginning). After we found out that I was pregnant we only had sex a few times (in the last 3 months)...He'll either say he's too tired, he'll even push my hand away when I'm trying to touch him down there.... The other day he mentioned something that caught my attention: He was on his way to work and supposedly a man approached him, asking him if he wanted to go back to his house with him and his g/f to do the double-penetration thing....He seems to get approached by gay guys all the time and sometimes I ask myself if the reason he tells me these things is to see my reaction? He pays a lot of attention to me and we get along great and he always smacks by butt and plays with my boobs - it just never seems to go any further than that... WHAT IS GOING ON??? BTW I am 25 and he is 36

09-17-2008, 04:12 PM	#3
CHANDLERS WISH WH Head Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 12,650 Blog Entries: 8	If he is bringing up threesomes, and double penetration in conversations with you, and viewing things online for up to 12 hours, in and out with you, and that's it, chances are that he has fantasties, has already done, wants to do, and will .... More importantly, just because a guy smacks you on the bum, grabs your boobs playfully and laughs with you. If he's non attentive in every other department, if he is not close to you, is that what you want? I think that he is baiting you for your opinion, if you said it didn't bother you some guy would be in a bed with the pair of you tomorrow. The only way to find out is turn it around and bait him and get your reply. CW __________________ Women are Angels And when someone breaks our wings.... We simply continue to fly.........on a broomstick... We are flexible like that .... White Witch. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

09-19-2008, 11:11 AM	#6
silvertae Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cork, Ireland Posts: 257 Blog Entries: 3	I agree with others. This is not a healthy relationship. Like CW said, he's feeling you out by mentioning these things. I imagine if you gave it a few more years he'd come out as gay. But do you really want to stay around for that? __________________ Well some people say that you shouldn't tempt fate, and for them I can not disagree. But I never learned nothing from playing it safe; I say fate should not tempt me. I take my chances.

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09-17-2008, 02:19 PM	#2
Hystorm Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 198	Gay or strait, he is messed up! And no, people just are not approached by guys to ask for group sex. Unless you are living in lace San Francisco. In any case, something is very wrong here. Unless he is just angry at you subconsciously that you are pregnant and trying to block it out.

09-17-2008, 06:32 PM	#4
WildChild WH Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 8,675 Blog Entries: 6	Doesn't sound like this relationship has much going for it, little or lousy sex, no interaction really. Why are you still there? How is your life better with him than it would be without him? He's got problems with PE, drugs, is manipulative. I just don't see what positive you have gotten, are getting or hope to get out of this relationship?

09-17-2008, 07:22 PM	#5
zeotart Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 8	Yeah, butt smacking and boob playing doesn't mean he's straight. This one guy I had a crush on squeezed my butt and I immedietly thought "dude, this guy is so into me, he can't even resist!" Only to find out a week later, when he came over to my apartment to "tell me something important"............ yep, he was gay. Anyway, maybe you should just be straightforward and ask him what the deal is with your relationship. If he's not giving you any info, maybe he does just want you to leave him alone... Hope things work out.

09-19-2008, 03:11 PM	#7
Uneeklyme Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Montana Posts: 305	Hmm... nah, hes not gay nor abused. It would seem to me he is typical male in the fantasy of having sex with more than one person at a time. Most often its two women but alot of men fantasize about nailing one woman with another man too. I would look at this problem more from the angle of... got pregnant within a month of meeting, moved in within two months of meeting and now stuck in a situation that maybe he didn't want in the first place. I am assuming the pregnancy wasn't planned. Maybe he is stressed out. Maybe he was out looking for a good time and got himself stuck into a serious situation. Ask him. If you can't communicate with him about things like this then how do you expect to make a life with him for the long haul.