Need advice

**sherry76** · 09-18-2008 01:12 AM

Hi All,
This is my first post.I have been married for 4 years and have 2 years old daughter. My problem is that i have never enjoyed love making with my husband. In the begining we were excited to have sex but now its diminshed . I dont feel like having sex anymore because I dont like the way my husband conducts himself..no foreplay etc just sex..i dont feel any emotions..its like being a robot..needless to say i havent had orgasm in last 4 years ever!!.I am unable to express my feelings and he doesnt understand. Now we have sex once a month or so...All advice is appreciated. please let me know how should i increase my sex drive.

**mummyof2** · 09-18-2008 01:39 AM

hey, im not going to b any help to you, but im glad im not the only one that had this problem, i recently seperated from my fiance of 5 years and i had the exact same thing happen to me..i just wasnt interested at all and i felt bad for him cause as u say yeh i was just a robot too. I bought a vibrator which did spice things up a little for a little while but then he got sick of that cause it was pleasing me not him..i would like some advice on thsi too as i dont want it to happen in current and future relatioships..

**WildChild** · 09-18-2008 08:22 AM

Well with no foreplay, no romance, he might as well have a blow up doll, no wonder you feel like one. Why are you unable to express your feelings? Many of us women do have trouble with that and the older I get the more I realize how that is - we have to get over it. I'm like a broken record with this but read Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus - it may be the best thing you ever do fror yourself.
Learning to ask, start with small things, a back rub, scalp massage, take out the trash? Be appreciative, provide that positive feed back. Do you self pleasure? You need to know what works for you. Work on finding ways to express your needs, writing in a journal may help.

Try this, everyday for a month spend some time finishing these statements:
If someone had told me my needs and wants were important.....
If I were willing to ask for what I want.....
WHen I ignore my deepest desires....
One of the things I need to ask for....
If I were 5% more assertive in stating my desires....

Write quickly, no pondering, get 3 to 10 possible ending for each, everyday. This comes from the book, The Aladdin Factor bu Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen. There are more statements in there.

Life flies by, sex is important, pleasure is important, you need to fix this.

**Phoebee** · 09-18-2008 09:44 AM

WHAT????

I wouldn't stand for this. Simply put a man must conduct himself like a gentleman. He is treating you like a hooker. "Ladies first" is not just about opening doors. Its about (for example) a man doing oral sex on you until you climax before he starts worrying about his own climax.

I suggest a couple of things. First if your able tell him there are some new rules in the bedroom. No more two pump chump (Sorry I heard this on the radio) type sex. If he is not doing oral sex for you? Get him a how to book. Hopefully he will be thrilled. If not? If he wants to climax YOU have to. Buy a vibrator... If he sulks and doesn't comply at least YOU will still have regular orgasms.

If you still want intercourse keep the vibrator between you so there is some chance of you reaching orgasm while he uses and abuses you.

If all else fails find a sex therapist and get some help.

This sounds awful!

**rcoreyus** · 09-18-2008 04:50 PM

As I see it, in bed he should be doing everythign he can to please you. You should be doing everything you can to please him. That way you both have fun. Sounds like he isn't doing his part.

Now - have you let him know what you want him to do? Not just hinted (men can be really dense - trust me, I am), but TOLD him.

**Little** · 09-18-2008 06:16 PM

Checking if this is fixed. Hopefully it is and everyone can keep posting.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-18-2008 06:22 PM

Fixed, I am not getting the Porn anymore.

CW

**WildChild** · 09-18-2008 08:22 PM

So I wasn't the only one to get the porn? It did have a bright side. I'd had to reinstall part of windows and hadn't gotten round to getting my security all back in place - that got me on it. So now all my computers are nice and safe again.

Wouldn't it be nice all the women who don't want sex could be gotten together with all the men who aren't interested and free up all the nice horny people to find someone who does want a sexual realtionship without feeling guilty? If all someone wants is companionship that's fine but they shouldn't tie down someone who wants more!

**SorridLives** · 09-18-2008 10:23 PM

Originally Posted by sherry76

Hi All,
This is my first post.I have been married for 4 years and have 2 years old daughter. My problem is that i have never enjoyed love making with my husband. In the begining we were excited to have sex but now its diminshed . I dont feel like having sex anymore because I dont like the way my husband conducts himself..no foreplay etc just sex..i dont feel any emotions..its like being a robot..needless to say i havent had orgasm in last 4 years ever!!.I am unable to express my feelings and he doesnt understand. Now we have sex once a month or so...All advice is appreciated. please let me know how should i increase my sex drive.

You need to talk to your husband and tell him you need more. -OR- you could try just leading him to do what you like by guiding his hands, etc.

**rcoreyus** · 09-18-2008 10:35 PM

Originally Posted by WildChild

Wouldn't it be nice all the women who don't want sex could be gotten together with all the men who aren't interested and free up all the nice horny people to find someone who does want a sexual realtionship without feeling guilty? If all someone wants is companionship that's fine but they shouldn't tie down someone who wants more!

If only there was some way. Its especially bad since you often know who those other people are who match you level of interest in sex. But I don't think most humans are wired to love one person and sleep with another. But the temptation is always there.

Another facet of the problem is that the people who are not interested in sex don't see it as important, don't see why their spouses should be tempted....

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