|
Thanks for all your responses, right now I am really bumbed out and confused. I was talking to a friend of mine about my problem and she said she thinks it's like this, number one he's decensitized from all the porn he's been looking at for years and number two he's programmed to conduct himself like this in bed, to "not" be affectionate and just go straight for the crotch. Another words my friend thinks that the woman he was having an affair with was just an extension of his online porn problem fantasy world she says he wasn't in love in with her and he would probably avoid closeness, no holding/kissing or whispering in her ear etc and just jump right into the act and now after 2+ years of that he doesn't remember how to be affectionate sexually. And that sort of makes sense because even though for years I wanted to have sex more frequently than he did, before he met her,
he was definitely more attentive to me in bed when we did do it. He would usually initiate by turning our nightly good-night peck into a more passionate kiss and then go from there and we would kiss for long periods of time and he would be in my ear saying I felt so good, or he can't get close enough or deep enough, and so on and that kind of thing drove me absolutely crazy, I loved it!
Well after he met her ALL of that came to a halt, if and when we did have sex that's when he started with the avoiding kissing, no more whispering sensuous things to me, just boom hand in my crotch or 69 or just go down on me without any other foreplay first which can sometimes be uncomfortable to me physically (and other woman too I've heard).
So I guess I'm wondering if my friend is right that this is the way his relationship was with her so now he doesn't remember how to do it any other way with me, or is it just that she turned him on so much that he doesn't tell me he wants me or how good I feel because he just doesn't feel that way about me anymore?
I know the other night we had been sort of arguing about this matter for a couple days so I sent him an article on how important sex is in a marriage from ivillage, later he had to run somewhere for a few minutes and while he was gone I saw that he had looked up "men who don't want sex" on google and left an article he read in US News open on our desk as well.
I got so sad, I thought to myself: "I don't want to see your excuses for why you don't want sex, because you do want it, just not with me" as far as I'm concerned someone not interested in sex wouldn't be looking at porn online and they certainly wouldn't go out of their way to have a very sexual affair. I ended up crying so hard that night and when he came home I guess since I was b*tch*ing about our lack of sex he figured he better do something about it and as usual got into bed and stuck his hand directly between my legs (his way of initiating sex) and I think for the first time ever in our relationship I was like "NO, I don't want to". That is just such a turn off for me.
Now I'm really sad and moody because it's been I think a week and 2 days or so since we've done it, he certainly doesn't seem to care and I'm feeling all wierd like I don't even want him anymore cause I'm just so sick of him making me feel like for wanting him. I have NO intention of doing anything with him anytime soon right now I guess I'm just angry and I almost want to punish him by withholding any type of sexual contact for about the next year, of course that wouldn't really be a punishment for him, it would be more like a reward! I'm so freakin depressed and tired of being hurt in this relationship
I don't want to leave him because I love him but I think my god, if this is the sex life I have now and have had for years, what do I have to look forward to when he gets older? Men's sex drive only goes down with age not up.
I've tried this before and usually fail miserably but as an expiriment try not initiate as long as possible to see how long it takes him to do it himself after two weeks I usually can't take it anymore an go down on him and get things going or beg him to touch me or something but I'm at a week and 2 or 3 days now so I'm going to try, I bet anything if I can control myself, nothing will be happening in this bedroom for a long time!
|