I don't know how to handle this, I don't know if something is wrong with me. I have been with my husband since we were 15 we are 33 now.

He's the only guy I've ever been with and I'm totally into him.

I want him all the time and think about him all day long. I'll do anything sexually that he wants to please him, I have given him threesomes, I'm into anything he wants, problem is that he doen't want me! This has been an ongoing issue for us almost since the beginning. It seems sex was only exciting if it was risky or out of the ordinary and it seemed he was more into porn online than me.

He'd always told me he was just different from other guys and that sex was just not that important to him and he doesn't think with "that head" like most men.

I could do it a couple times a day sometimes but I'm happy and can survive without much aggrivation if I get it a couple times a weeks which I don't think is too much to ask.

For the most part for the past few years I only get it about once a month which is a huge problem for me and is really upsetting.

I think I must be abnormal and he thinks I am too, he says I want it too much and he gets aggrevated at me for being so sexual he says I think about it and focus on it too much.

It's like if I don't get to feel his skin against mine or feel him kissing me very often.......well he's like a drug to me, sometimes I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin if I don't feel his touch after a week or so of not having it.

Well, I put up with having it only about once or twice a month for the past three years just pretty much accepting that o.k. he's just not into it, I love him and have to accept it even though he was looking at piles of porn online everyday.

That rationalization worked decently for me until I found out about 7 months ago that he'd been having an affair for the past 2.5 years. An affair that was very sexual, I saw emails between he and the other woman and he talked to her and did things with her that I have only dreamed about him doing with me for the past 18 years we've been together and that hurt bad, spending years sexually frustated and remaining 100% faithful while another women gets what I want and he doesn't want me.

Well, after the affair came out it's been rough he's begged for forgiveness we've been in counseling he swears he made a huge mistake and only wants to save the marriage and I have to say that his actions back up those words and out of all the pain I saw a tiny silver lining, I figured that now that he wasn't getting "it" somewhere else I'd be taken care of more now.

(yes we got tested for std's after the affair came out) But much to my surprise even though he's not having sex with her anymore he STILL doesn't want me,

I swear if I didn't initiate sex we'd never have it.

Now what's happening is I want it more than ever it seems to be the only way I feel love or comfort after all the pain I've been through and I get so angry if we don't have sex especially if he doesn't initiate.

I guess I am really hurt and angry about the affair especially believing for years that he just wasn't really into sex and going without when I wanted it because of that only to find out that he likes sex just as much as any guy, just not with me.

It's like I can feel his lack of sexual desire for me in everything, I told him I wish he would talk to me tenderly during sex, I wish I could hear him say the words "I want you" or something like that. He never does,

I tell him all the time I want him and if I say "I want you so bad" to him during the act instead of replying with something like I know I've been wanting you too he'll simply say "now you have me".

If we try to talk about this topic all we do is fight and I express very clearly what I want and like and it's like it just doesn't matter to him.

The thing is once we started he's great in bed, he loves to please he loves performing oral it's just that I want to be wanted I want to hear that I'm wanted,

I want him to initiate a couple times and the thing is if he does initiate it's because I have been ing that it's been awhile since we did anything and the way he goes about it,

instead of getting into bed and maybe starting to kiss me or tell me he what he wants he get's in bed and sticks his hand immediately "down there" with no kissing or foreplay first so I'm totally not wet or aroused yet or he gets into bed and get's into the 69 position immediately by putting it in my face which I don't mind it's just that it seems he seriously wants to avoid closeness with me,

no kissing me, no kissing my neck or whispering sweet things in my ear just "get right to the main act" and don't say a word to me the whole time.

I'm so frustrated, is there something wrong with me, am I addicted to sex or have seriuos emotional issues or something? I mean most couples I know the husband complains constantly that the wife won't give it up anymore and I can only dream about my husband wanting me like that.

I'm not kidding I don't think he'd have a problem if we never did it again. I've spent the last few days searching the net for ways to "decrease my sex drive" so it will stop being a probem for us.

I've suggested that we get into swinging and then maybe we won't fight about sex anymore if I get my needs met somewhere else and he's totally against that too, he says he can't handle another man having sex with me.

What am I supposed to do just go the rest of my life longing for something I want so bad but will never have???? any input would be so appreciated!

edited ......

Aaah! Repost that, broken down into PARAGRAPHS and I'll read it.

Good Hll....Why are you still with this man?
Do Not decrease your sex drive for him, what blasphemy!

You need to find a new man that will treat you right and give you all you want and more. There are plenty of guys out there who would kill to have you as a wife!

You should really consider leaving him for awhile and let it sink into his head about being without you. You both really need a reality wake-up call!
> >
Best of Luck.

I think that there is a "disconnect" between what he says he wants, ie. he says he wants to save your marriage and have a great relationship with you and what he actually wants (which seems kinda...lazy).

My question to you is: If you have this big of a difference in sex drive with your husband and have had this for some time, and he has had an affair, and after the affair was over he still hasn't made things right for you, then WHY do you want to be with him? Really...why? I know you're going to tell me because you love him, but think about it a bit before you say that because you seem to be pretty miserable.

The difference in sex drive is enough to break up most marriages, then you have the affair, then you have the aftermath of the affair where he is totally "not into you". I think that you have some pretty clear writing on the wall so-to-speak. Maybe you begin looking out for yourself and do what's right for you instead of hanging with someone who doesn't want you and has showed you the disrespect of having an affair.

Talk is cheap unless backed by authority. He can say he wants a great marriage with you, but if the facts don't add up to that, there is no authority behind his words.

I hope it works out for you how you think it should.

Thanks for taking the time to re-paragraph but I did it for you.

That's a loooong time for you to remain in a relationship that is un-attentive?

And, one where he just goes for the kill, seems a bit selfish on his behalf.

I don't think you have a problem, I think that he does. You say he has been like this almost from day one, 15 years of age to 33? And he's into Porn more than you, and affairs, not into you.

Could it be that you two met too young, are you his first and only as well?

I think he is selfish to be honest full stop.

CW

As far as our sex life goes yes I am pretty miserable and have been for a long time. As far as dealing with the aftermath of the affair yes I am miserable. However you were right when you said I would say I love him, I do very much and we have two great kids and years of history.

On top of that I start to feel really guilty for the fact that there are some great qualities about him and I feel like "Can someone really have it all"? And am I being greedy asking for more? I mean he's changed a lot of his ways since the affair came out, he holds my hand when we're out, he calls me a few times a day while we're at work to check on me, he takes me to dinner about once a week, we spend a ton of time together even if it's just sitting down to watch a movie. I guess I need to decide if the lack of sex and his total lack of interest in me is worth ending the relationship over at this point even if we did start to have more sex I think I would just feel like he was doing it because he has to and resent me for it.

I am really confused and don't know what the right thing to do is. I know that I do need to lose about 40 pounds and he's very hung up on thin women and it was pretty much after our first son was born and I gained weight that he totally didn't want me hardly at all anymore. The woman he was cheating with was thin and he's made numerous comments after the affair came out about how unhappy he's been with my weight for years so I've been trying hard lately we've been walking almost 6 miles each night but I have reason to believe that even if I lose the 40 pounds or so he still won't want me.

Yes I was his first and only other than the mutual threesomes we had twice about 12 or 13 years ago and the affair he had recently. Many people feel we got together to young and I worry about that too, I just don't understand because we seem to be very much in love, it's apparent to everyone and we miss eachother during the day and a lot of fun together just hanging out. Could it be that we just love eachother like two wonderful friends and the chemistry isn't there like other couples?

He says that I should realize that he can desire me in other ways other than sex. My question is how? I want more than friend with occassional benefits. Phew, it's frustrating!