Quote:
Originally Posted by jen4625
My husband and I have been married two years and I have not once had an orgasm when we have sex. I actually admitted to him for the first time about how the sex has been. I felt badly about telling that to him, but we are trying to make our marriage work. THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME!! I can't be in this marriage if there isn't anything positive going on sexually. Any advice?
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I quoted your text above and took a few sentences out (hope you don't mind), but I did it to make a point. Marriage is a two-way street. One of the most important things in a marriage is your ability to communicate with your spouse and his ability to communicate with you. I'm guessing that this is perhaps your LARGEST problem (a failure to effectively communicate).
See, you're really irritated because the sex has been lousy for the past 2 years (and you're right to be irritated by that)...but...you haven't said anything to him about it until now. So who's fault is that?
I think that many marriages fail because the people expect it to be a 50/50 proposition. They only put in their 50%, and when the other person puts in 20% (say on a bad day, week, month, year, etc.) you have a failing overall score. 50%+20% = 70 = F
Having been married for 20+ years, here's my basic recipie for a happy marriage. BOTH husband and wife have to try to put in 150 % regardless of how they perceive the other's participation. Maybe even 200 %. What I mean by saying this is that, you should plan on carrying the relationship by yourself totally (giving way more than he or she does).
The fact is that nobody can put in even 100% most of the time. BUT, if you're trying for 150% and you end up with only 80%, it's ok even if your counterpart is still at 20%. 80%+20% = 100% = A = successful relationship.
In a truly successful relationship, the balance will change between people over the years. Sometimes one is equipped to put forth very little and sometimes they're equipped to put forth a lot. The reason you both have to plan on carrying the relationship by yourself is that sometimes you will HAVE to.
My suggestion to you is increase your communication about everything. Show you love eachother an tell eachother those things. Value eachother and understand that each of you need to attempt to put forth more than 100% in order to have at least 100% overall at any given time. At the end of the day, each of you look back at what you did to your relationship. If both of you can say "I did 5 things today to make my relationship better" or even one thing...you'll probably be alright. If not, then get a divorce and get with someone who you can do this with.
Cheers.