I hate to sound like the typical guy complaining about not enough sex from the wife but here I go. Any advice anyone has would be appreciated. I'm 55 years old and have been married 30 years to the same woman. She is the love of my life. Before we were married we had sex at least three times a week. She enjoyed sex. There was no time we didn't have sex. She even wanted to have sex during her period which was fine with me.

After we got married we started having sex less and less. It went from once every couple of weeks to maybe once a month. When we had sex it got to be rushed, very little foreplay, and just do it. I like to hold her and caress her and take time. I tried taking her out to dinner and having a bottle of wine but nothing worked. I read articles about women's sexuality and heard that when a woman gets into her 30's sometimes things get better. I waited and hoped. I heard how the pill sometimes turns women off. I told her to quit the pill. After we had children I had a vasectomy thinking she was worrying about additional children. Nothing changed except the frequency got less. Now we have sex maybe twice a year. I'm no spring chicken but would like to be intimate a little more often. I've tried just holding her tenderly and cuddling and not leading to sex. I don't want her to think is that all I want is for her to be a receptacle for me. Most of the time she just says "no" and pushes me away.

I've tried talking to her and asking her what she likes and she just says she doesn't know why but just doesn't care about sex. I've suggested she talk to her doctor about it, but she won't. I've even said maybe we both should go to counseling I may be doing something that bothers her. She won't go. There are other things in marriage that are more important than sex and I know that. I love her more than anything. I just would like a little tenderness more than once or twice a year, but if not I'm prepared to love her all the same. Any comments or advice would be appreciated.

As a woman, I've been there. I know what was going on with me, but it may not be what is going on with her. It sounds like she lost touch with her good sexy self and is now so far out of touch that she would know where to find it. Sexier people live longer and are healthier, so there are lots of reasons to work in keeping it juicy. I'm a Big fan of Regina Thomashauer, why don't you do a search and see if it looks like something she might get into? It's about getting some fun into your life, keeping it juicy and finding joy in all your relationships. Maybe surprise her with a weekend at one of Mana Gena's programs? It's worth a try.

The thing is She has to do this. You can't change her, all you can do is work on yourself. Keep growing and find some new interests, if you don't already, start working out. Take her out regualrly and be the gentleman, attentive, not condesending, affectionate without expectation. Get out with the guys too. At least you can have some change in your life