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Thread: Boyfriend refuses to perform oral

  1. #1
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    Default Boyfriend refuses to perform oral


    I need help please! My boyfriend of 8 months refuses to give me oral pleasure. He says that he has OCD and just can't do it. If that's the truth I'm not sure what we can do to fix this. This is a biggee for me. I was married for 17 years and my husband used to love it and would do it at least 4 times a week. It's very difficult for me to do without it. I love this guy so much and hate the thought of this coming between us but I know deep down in my heart that it will eventually be a deal breaker.

    I on the other hand never have a problem giving him oral sex. I love the way he reacts and the way I know I'm making him feel. I don't totally enjoy the actual act sometimes but his sexual happiness makes it all worth it in the end. I just don't understand why he wouldn't want to make me feel the same way.

    If any of you can give me advice I would really appreciate it.

  2. #2
    Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Array shweedart's Avatar
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    what does OCD have to do with it? I'm most certain he'd feel immensely shot down if you said no! If he expects you to do it then he should be prepared to do it himself. Theres nothing disgusting, wrong or horrible about it and you sound like you deserve it. He wont even consider it knowing how happy it makes you? Has he ever done it before?
    "You know the way a poem sometimes makes an absurd connection
    That's him
    Lyrically professing his affection..."
    "Never humour a fool for he will think he is a wise man"

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    Joy
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    has he explained how being OCD is linked to not giving oral? Have you explained how important this is to you? What about getting him use to it a little at a time?

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    Administrator Array Little's Avatar
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    What if the genders were reversed? Most women agree that performing oral sex on a man is very tiring ... most women don't know how tiring performing oral sex on a woman is.
    Lots of people have taboos about oral sex. If it's not something he's comfortable doing, you shouldn't pressure him into it. If it's a dealbreaker, it's a dealbreaker, but if you really love and respect him, you will respect his decision about oral sex.

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    I have....over and over again. He's tried it maybe twice since we've met and only for a few seconds. I think the OCD excuse is just that...an excuse and has nothing to do with it. When we first met his excuse was that he wasn't very good at it. I explained to him that the more he did it the better he would get and it would be fine. I stopped giving him oral for the last couple of weeks and he is miserable. He keeps saying "how can you do it for months and then just stop." I don't know what else to do. I thought that if I stopped because he wouldn't recipricate that it would make him at least try but it only made him upset. He says I'm being spiteful.

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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array Livelaughlove's Avatar
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    How would he feel with using a dental dam.

    There is no contact with his tongue so I'm sure it shouldn't bother him.

    Have you considered using one?
    Nice guys don't finish last, weak guys finish last.

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    I've never heard of that before...I would be willing to try anything but as for him, not so sure. He won't even discuss anymore.

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    May 2008 "Poster of the Month" Array anonymouswhitefemale's Avatar
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    Move on, he sounds like an inconsiderate, hypocritical fool. Life is too short to be sexually unsatisfied. If a girl said she was OCD about blowjobs and would never give one I'd definately go looking for alternatives, ESPECIALLY if she expected oral nonetheless.

    Other than 'dump him', I suppose you could go clean shaven, make sure you're squeeky clean, but given his stance I doubt it'd make any difference.

    It also sounds like he's trying to manipulate you, and that you're being a sucker and are ready to fall for it. The fact that he won't discuss it any more, that he accuses you of being spiteful tells me that he has the mental age of a (especially bratty) thirteen year old.

    Even if he eventually submits, and does it just to make you happy - you will not be able to gain any joy from it since you know what he's thinking as he's doing it....

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    Joy
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    ok so he is upset and in disbelief you have stopped the Bj's.... He misses it have you explained that it is not spiteful but you should not have to do anything that he isn't willing to do. Its not spiteful but it is something you are now both living without so its fair Now you don't feel that you are giving something that you will never get.

    I agree with Little you can't force anyone out of their comfort level. I also think you shouldn't expect something from someone if you wouldn't never give it to them too.

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    Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Array Livelaughlove's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jenkys View Post
    I've never heard of that before...I would be willing to try anything but as for him, not so sure. He won't even discuss anymore.
    Go on google and read about it. Remember men are logical creatures. If have enough information about it and sell it to him he will give it a try.

    If I'm with a women that i dont really trust then i will use one. Its along the same lines as a condom. However there not as easy to find. You may need to go to a sex shop to find them. There are different flavors available.

    Whatever you do dont accept him not wanting to talk about it as an excuse to deal with it.

    Good luck
    Nice guys don't finish last, weak guys finish last.

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