need sex/relationship advice

evilbecca · 10-15-2008, 08:06 PM

hi im 20 years old and recently lost my virginity to my bf. We have had sex over 20 times and sex is still painful for me and I dont enjoy it. I give my bf sex almost every day or more than once a day even though it doesnt feel good for me. My bf has a super high sex drive and needs to get off a minimum of 3 times a day many times more. He loves to watch porn even though I think porn has no place in a relationship. I have even gotten rejected before for porn. He is 24 and anytime he watches porn he likes to watch girls 18 and under. Hes even watched underage girls on cam sites before and trys to tell me he didnt know they were under 18 when u can clearly tell by their looks that they are younger and i even asked some of them their ages and the average age was 15. ppl always say hes to old to be dating me but yet his choice in women in porn is always younger than me. I feel like im not good enough for him if he has to watch other sluts naked on a comp screen. I cant even imagine how seeing some random girls would turn him on. We always have arguments about this because he says that none of his other gfs had problems with him watching porn. At first i didnt have a problem with it because i wasnt giving him sex but i am always willing to help him now i give him sex bjs and hjs whenever he wants I dont see his need for porn. I could never even imagine looking at some random guy on a internet page and having that turn me on because I dont love the guy i dont even know him. He is always on his computer and every site he goes on he seems to find naked girls he cant do anything on his computer without it involving naked girls. His computer is totally filled with porn and he never deletes any of it. I told him not to look at porn but that just made the problem worse cuz he would always do things like before we went to sleep he would tell me he needs to check his e mail before bed then go out and look at porn for an hour. i love him so much and i feel like every time he looks at porn because i feel like he isnt attracted to me and he likes these other girls more. he toldme that heloves looking at porn because it is relaxing and that if we couldnt work out the porn situation that it might end our relationship. Now he just trys to hide it like look at porn in the morning then go get off in the shower. Or look at porn to get horny then wake me up and act like i got him horny and have me finish him off. I feel like sex will be meaningless for us because he cant wait till the next time we have sex to get off he always has to disrespect our relationship and go get off to porn. I think that the whole thing is rediculous and that maybe that kind of stuff was ok when he was single but that now that hes with me i should be the only girl he wants to see naked or who can turn him on. I would like ppls advice on these topics. I want to know if my opnion is the right one to have or if i am just being crazy and should let him watch porn. I know this probably sounds but whenever he watches that stuff i get so jealous and feel so hurt im the girlfriend its my job to help him out when hes horny and im very willing to help him out i just hate feeling like hes more interested in other girls than me. I gave him my virginity something that was very special to me because origionally i was waiting till marriage. He had never waited longer thasn 2 weeks before he got sex from his past gfs (or they were having sex before they dated) and he waited months for me. I just feel like he doesnt understand how hard it was for me to give up my virginity and that he totally disrespects my choice to give it up to him with porn. If im not the one to make him horny then i dont wanna get him off.

**Little** · 10-15-2008, 08:13 PM

I think that your boyfriend is sick and disrespectful ... NOT because he watches porn while in a relationship (which in my mind is fine in moderation) but because he is exploiting underaged girls via the internet.
Why do you want to be with a person like that? Even if it weren't for the porn, your sex drives are so different. Not to mention your attitudes about sexuality. I would suggest you end this relationship; I don't think it is going anywhere good for you.

evilbecca · 10-15-2008, 08:18 PM

he watches girls on cam on a site called _______. anyone over the age of 13 can join and most girls are underage. Girls do get naked on the site. People also record the girls and post them on sites my bf likes watching recorded vids and pics of girls because he thinks its hot when he sees stuff that girls dont want ppl to see or that he isnt supposed to see.

and as for the porn thing with him its every single day he watches it int he morning before going to work and from when he comes home from work to when he goes to sleep hes on his comp doing work and watching porn looking at pics of naked girls watching cams etc.

**Lakerat** · 10-15-2008, 08:53 PM

Sounds like he has a addiction problem.If I was being taken care of (so to speak) that much I think porn would be the last thing on my mind (or id be dead at my age now) but anyway I think he has a problem...the young girls thing is a lil scarey to me. I think you should take a good look at this relationship and see if its really heading where you want it to go.

Or you could start slipping him some salt peter

**crzyredhead21** · 10-15-2008, 09:09 PM

I understand where you are coming from. I recently had a huge fight with my b/f about this underage porn thing. I accidently came across it while on his computer one night and I was sooooo disgusted! I am also disgusted to say that I didn't approach him that first tiem about it. Or the second time... or the 8th time. When I finally did cofront him about it he absolutley blew up! I am now in the process of letting him go ( not only for that but for many other reasons) but i can't actually leave for a couple months yet due to the lease on our house.
Sorry.. got off track there! No, this is NOT a normal healthy thing. I serioulsy doubt that talkign to him about it wil help. It would be like telling him to stop "pleauring himself". Some things are too wire into the brain. At this point you would have to ask yourself if this relationship is worth this. You are young.. there are too many wonderful men out there to limit yourself to one sick jerk. This will only hurt you and self esteem more by stayign with him. You deserve better!

evilbecca · 10-16-2008, 06:59 PM

so is watching porn not healthy for the relationship or just the underage girls on stickam thing not good for the relationship?

**Fire(m)** · 10-16-2008, 07:47 PM

Becca, watching porn isn't a problem once in a while if your man is mature enough to keep it in it's proper place and if it is not affecting your relationship in any way. If it does affect your relationship, then it ought to be foregone.

Underage girls on porn is SO SICK it's not even for real. You should call the police, turn him in. He is a criminal. This is not only sick, it's unbelievably illegal.

Stop him in his tracks.

evilbecca · 10-17-2008, 12:31 PM

he wants to watch porn every day he will even watch it when hes just at his computer and doesnt want to get off. no matter what we do it always involves porn like last night we were trying to find a movie to watch and we ended up watching playboy channels all night. He will sign up to sites like livejournal just for all of the sex groups and pics of naked girls. We cant even watch a movie without most of the movie having and sex scenes in it. Is it illegal to watch underage girls on cam even if they dont show all the time and are clothed some of the time. i mean he thinks he watches porn in moderation but he watches porn and cams before he goes to work and when he comes home from work he watches cams and porn while he does work till basically whenever we go to bed. and thats the routine every day. all he does in life is work watch porn and play his comp game. The only time i really get to spend time with him is the few minutes of cuddling before he rolls over and goes to sleep. What would you guys and girls consider to be to much porn? How many times a day does the average guy get off if he has a gf whos giving him sex? I really love my bf and want to make it work i just want to know if this kind of stuff is normal or not.

oh and when i mean underage girls imean girls from the age of 13-17

**rcoreyus** · 10-17-2008, 01:02 PM

His behavior is not normal, sounds like he is addicted to porn. I think that watching porn can be fine, but as with drinking, gambling, etc, some people get addicted and it ruins their lives.

He really really really should not be watching underage girls in any sort of sexual situations. I'm not going to talk about the morality, just safety. Imagine trying to explain this to a jury composed of parents of teenage girls. I don't know what country you are in, but in the US this sort of thing is taken VERY seriously. He can ruin the rest of his life doing this - wind up on a sex offfenders list, visible to anyone who wants to read the public website.

If he wants to see young girls, he can watch porn with women acting young. But watchting actualy underage girls is a very bad idea.

The above is just the practical concerns. I'm not going to get into the morality.

Merry · 10-17-2008, 01:38 PM

Easy answer, NO IT IS NOT NORMAL. And you need to get some self esteem and get out of there.

View Poll Results: Should a guy look at porn when hes in a relationship and getting sex many times a day
yes	2	15.38%
no	6	46.15%
once in a while but not all the time	5	38.46%
Voters: 13. You may not vote on this poll

10-15-2008, 08:06 PM	#1
evilbecca Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 5	need sex/relationship advice hi im 20 years old and recently lost my virginity to my bf. We have had sex over 20 times and sex is still painful for me and I dont enjoy it. I give my bf sex almost every day or more than once a day even though it doesnt feel good for me. My bf has a super high sex drive and needs to get off a minimum of 3 times a day many times more. He loves to watch porn even though I think porn has no place in a relationship. I have even gotten rejected before for porn. He is 24 and anytime he watches porn he likes to watch girls 18 and under. Hes even watched underage girls on cam sites before and trys to tell me he didnt know they were under 18 when u can clearly tell by their looks that they are younger and i even asked some of them their ages and the average age was 15. ppl always say hes to old to be dating me but yet his choice in women in porn is always younger than me. I feel like im not good enough for him if he has to watch other sluts naked on a comp screen. I cant even imagine how seeing some random girls would turn him on. We always have arguments about this because he says that none of his other gfs had problems with him watching porn. At first i didnt have a problem with it because i wasnt giving him sex but i am always willing to help him now i give him sex bjs and hjs whenever he wants I dont see his need for porn. I could never even imagine looking at some random guy on a internet page and having that turn me on because I dont love the guy i dont even know him. He is always on his computer and every site he goes on he seems to find naked girls he cant do anything on his computer without it involving naked girls. His computer is totally filled with porn and he never deletes any of it. I told him not to look at porn but that just made the problem worse cuz he would always do things like before we went to sleep he would tell me he needs to check his e mail before bed then go out and look at porn for an hour. i love him so much and i feel like every time he looks at porn because i feel like he isnt attracted to me and he likes these other girls more. he toldme that heloves looking at porn because it is relaxing and that if we couldnt work out the porn situation that it might end our relationship. Now he just trys to hide it like look at porn in the morning then go get off in the shower. Or look at porn to get horny then wake me up and act like i got him horny and have me finish him off. I feel like sex will be meaningless for us because he cant wait till the next time we have sex to get off he always has to disrespect our relationship and go get off to porn. I think that the whole thing is rediculous and that maybe that kind of stuff was ok when he was single but that now that hes with me i should be the only girl he wants to see naked or who can turn him on. I would like ppls advice on these topics. I want to know if my opnion is the right one to have or if i am just being crazy and should let him watch porn. I know this probably sounds but whenever he watches that stuff i get so jealous and feel so hurt im the girlfriend its my job to help him out when hes horny and im very willing to help him out i just hate feeling like hes more interested in other girls than me. I gave him my virginity something that was very special to me because origionally i was waiting till marriage. He had never waited longer thasn 2 weeks before he got sex from his past gfs (or they were having sex before they dated) and he waited months for me. I just feel like he doesnt understand how hard it was for me to give up my virginity and that he totally disrespects my choice to give it up to him with porn. If im not the one to make him horny then i dont wanna get him off.

10-15-2008, 08:53 PM	#4
Lakerat Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 835	Sounds like he has a addiction problem.If I was being taken care of (so to speak) that much I think porn would be the last thing on my mind (or id be dead at my age now) but anyway I think he has a problem...the young girls thing is a lil scarey to me. I think you should take a good look at this relationship and see if its really heading where you want it to go. Or you could start slipping him some salt peter __________________ If it wasn't for the bad times.... We wouldn't appreciate the good ones!

10-17-2008, 12:31 PM	#8
evilbecca Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 5	he wants to watch porn every day he will even watch it when hes just at his computer and doesnt want to get off. no matter what we do it always involves porn like last night we were trying to find a movie to watch and we ended up watching playboy channels all night. He will sign up to sites like livejournal just for all of the sex groups and pics of naked girls. We cant even watch a movie without most of the movie having and sex scenes in it. Is it illegal to watch underage girls on cam even if they dont show all the time and are clothed some of the time. i mean he thinks he watches porn in moderation but he watches porn and cams before he goes to work and when he comes home from work he watches cams and porn while he does work till basically whenever we go to bed. and thats the routine every day. all he does in life is work watch porn and play his comp game. The only time i really get to spend time with him is the few minutes of cuddling before he rolls over and goes to sleep. What would you guys and girls consider to be to much porn? How many times a day does the average guy get off if he has a gf whos giving him sex? I really love my bf and want to make it work i just want to know if this kind of stuff is normal or not. oh and when i mean underage girls imean girls from the age of 13-17 Last edited by Fallen1; 10-17-2008 at 01:03 PM. Reason: Merge posts

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10-15-2008, 08:13 PM	#2
Little WH Junior Administrator Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: whjuniorad[at]hotmail[dot]com Posts: 1,559 Blog Entries: 4	I think that your boyfriend is sick and disrespectful ... NOT because he watches porn while in a relationship (which in my mind is fine in moderation) but because he is exploiting underaged girls via the internet. Why do you want to be with a person like that? Even if it weren't for the porn, your sex drives are so different. Not to mention your attitudes about sexuality. I would suggest you end this relationship; I don't think it is going anywhere good for you.

10-15-2008, 08:18 PM	#3
evilbecca Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 5	he watches girls on cam on a site called _______. anyone over the age of 13 can join and most girls are underage. Girls do get naked on the site. People also record the girls and post them on sites my bf likes watching recorded vids and pics of girls because he thinks its hot when he sees stuff that girls dont want ppl to see or that he isnt supposed to see. and as for the porn thing with him its every single day he watches it int he morning before going to work and from when he comes home from work to when he goes to sleep hes on his comp doing work and watching porn looking at pics of naked girls watching cams etc.

10-15-2008, 09:09 PM	#5
crzyredhead21 Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: California Baby! :) Posts: 182 Blog Entries: 1	I understand where you are coming from. I recently had a huge fight with my b/f about this underage porn thing. I accidently came across it while on his computer one night and I was sooooo disgusted! I am also disgusted to say that I didn't approach him that first tiem about it. Or the second time... or the 8th time. When I finally did cofront him about it he absolutley blew up! I am now in the process of letting him go ( not only for that but for many other reasons) but i can't actually leave for a couple months yet due to the lease on our house. Sorry.. got off track there! No, this is NOT a normal healthy thing. I serioulsy doubt that talkign to him about it wil help. It would be like telling him to stop "pleauring himself". Some things are too wire into the brain. At this point you would have to ask yourself if this relationship is worth this. You are young.. there are too many wonderful men out there to limit yourself to one sick jerk. This will only hurt you and self esteem more by stayign with him. You deserve better!

10-16-2008, 06:59 PM	#6
evilbecca Junior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 5	so is watching porn not healthy for the relationship or just the underage girls on stickam thing not good for the relationship?

10-16-2008, 07:47 PM	#7
Fire(m) Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 290	Becca, watching porn isn't a problem once in a while if your man is mature enough to keep it in it's proper place and if it is not affecting your relationship in any way. If it does affect your relationship, then it ought to be foregone. Underage girls on porn is SO SICK it's not even for real. You should call the police, turn him in. He is a criminal. This is not only sick, it's unbelievably illegal. Stop him in his tracks.

10-17-2008, 01:02 PM	#9
rcoreyus March 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: SF bay area Posts: 1,334	His behavior is not normal, sounds like he is addicted to porn. I think that watching porn can be fine, but as with drinking, gambling, etc, some people get addicted and it ruins their lives. He really really really should not be watching underage girls in any sort of sexual situations. I'm not going to talk about the morality, just safety. Imagine trying to explain this to a jury composed of parents of teenage girls. I don't know what country you are in, but in the US this sort of thing is taken VERY seriously. He can ruin the rest of his life doing this - wind up on a sex offfenders list, visible to anyone who wants to read the public website. If he wants to see young girls, he can watch porn with women acting young. But watchting actualy underage girls is a very bad idea. The above is just the practical concerns. I'm not going to get into the morality.

10-17-2008, 01:38 PM	#10
Merry Junior Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 25	Easy answer, NO IT IS NOT NORMAL. And you need to get some self esteem and get out of there.