anal sex? please help!

mungies77 · 10-17-2008, 02:24 PM

Hi there everyone, first off I hope that I am not offending anyone with this topic!
I have this problem... my boyfriend and I really want to try anal sex. We have done it successfully once (although it was extremely painful) and we tried again last night and I was absolutely unable to go through with it. We used lube, went slow, etc. it just wasn't working. And like I said, it was extremely difficult the first time. What I don't understand is that I have done this before in previous relationships. There was some uncomfortablity and pain; but nothing like this. And what's really odd is that my previous partner was larger!!!
It feels like there is glass in my anus. I really want to do it though, I have enjoyed it in the past and find it really sexy. Has anyone experienced anything like this before? Is it possible there is damage to my anus? Thanks so much!

**WildChild** · 10-18-2008, 06:55 AM

Well you aren't a newbee to it. How are you at relaxing? I mean can you relax pretty much by deciding to? Pushing down, like having a bowel movement, before penetration relaxes those muscles. Maybe different lube? Could you have hemoroids or a small anal fissure? How is your diet? Do you have a bowel movement at least once a day? Do you have to strain to go? Are your feces fairly soft or really hard? If you strain, or they are hard that could be causing small abrasions. Lots of fruits and veggies, spinach, salad, green stuff and water will help that. If you are eating enough greens your poop should actually have a slightly greenish tinge. Certainly most people in the US have a poorer diet than they should and a high percentage don't 'go' as often as they should and have diverticulousis to some degree. If you are going to use this area as a playground you've got to take care of it. Make sure you are super aroused.

**WildChild** · 10-18-2008, 07:01 AM

One thing I do wonder, you've done it before apparently with different partners and say it was always "uncomfortabilty and pain". Why do you want to keep doing something that is painful or uncomfortable to you? It usually feels a little 'weird' with initial penetration and then it really good with some intense orgasms. If you aren't getting that, why do it?

mungies77 · 10-18-2008, 11:27 AM

My diet isn't exactly as healthy as it should be, but it's not bad. I have fairly regular bowel movements (at least once a day, sometimes more). I don't believe I have hemoroids or an anal fissure because it doesnt hurt or itch at all (except with penetration). Aren't both of those things visible to the naked eye? My stools look normal, a little dark at times but normal in general, and no I don't strain to get them out. With my last partner it hurt a bit with initial penetration, but it subsided and I really enjoyed it(and he was actually more endowed than my current partner). I love when my partner plays around back there and it is very sexy to me, so I really want to be able to step it up to anal sex. If I have "small abrasions" as you mentioned... would that cause an infection when my stool passes? How would I know if I had them?

mungies77 · 10-18-2008, 11:29 AM

Just a side note, I am not so great at relaxing... I am a high anxiety person in general. I am nervous about pooping on him too... COuld just being tense bring on such feelings of pain?

N01 · 10-18-2008, 12:32 PM

trying not to be too graphic, when he is orally pleasuring you, have him slowly massage that other area with one finger and see if after awhile that makes it not quite as tense. lube with whatever you 2 prefer if necessary.

**WildChild** · 10-19-2008, 12:30 AM

Was reading Dan Savage's column the other day and he was recommending lots of time just playing there. No penetration yet, but other kinds of anal arousal for both. Pressure or teasing the pernium, using a vibrator on but not in the anus. Just working on developing a higher sense of arousal associated with that area. Makes sense. Give it some time. If you are worried about cleanliness issues use a condom.

luvr1 · 10-22-2008, 11:03 PM

I know exactly what problem you are facing. Before you have anal with your man, you need to use a dildo or even a big cucumber, and SLOWLY have it expand your anus, if it hurts at first, you must try to hold the pain as long as you can because moments later your body will adapt to the shape and it won't hurt anymore. You could even just use his penis at first and just have him insert it and hold it in there, letting your anus get used to it. This will work.

Shannon1 · 12-07-2008, 11:43 PM

Buy ANAL EASE at a novelty store, or order it online from a novelty web site, or throw a pure romance party and get all kinds of stuff to help you in that general area! I personally have found that a LOTION-BASED lubricant works GREAT! And play around with the area first to relax those muscles. If it hurts, then somethings not right. If you continue to try forcing it in, you can tear and damage tissue. I was also told by a friend, that KY warming gel works good. The key is to relax and use LOTS OF LUBE!! And as long as you have already had a bm for that day, you shouldn't have to worry about "going".. But if it happens, it happens. No big deal.

pictures · 12-08-2008, 11:56 PM

prior to insertion of his thing, take a deep breath to relax to muscles surrounding the Anus, and have him hold there for a couple of seconds. then take a deep breath again and have him push just alittle or you push back on his stick.
just take it in slow.
trust me I have done this many times with many different ladies.
adjustments is the answer.
remember you control the amount that goes in.

10-17-2008, 02:24 PM	#1
mungies77 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 3	anal sex? please help! Hi there everyone, first off I hope that I am not offending anyone with this topic! I have this problem... my boyfriend and I really want to try anal sex. We have done it successfully once (although it was extremely painful) and we tried again last night and I was absolutely unable to go through with it. We used lube, went slow, etc. it just wasn't working. And like I said, it was extremely difficult the first time. What I don't understand is that I have done this before in previous relationships. There was some uncomfortablity and pain; but nothing like this. And what's really odd is that my previous partner was larger!!! It feels like there is glass in my anus. I really want to do it though, I have enjoyed it in the past and find it really sexy. Has anyone experienced anything like this before? Is it possible there is damage to my anus? Thanks so much!

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10-18-2008, 06:55 AM	#2
WildChild WH Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 8,690 Blog Entries: 6	Well you aren't a newbee to it. How are you at relaxing? I mean can you relax pretty much by deciding to? Pushing down, like having a bowel movement, before penetration relaxes those muscles. Maybe different lube? Could you have hemoroids or a small anal fissure? How is your diet? Do you have a bowel movement at least once a day? Do you have to strain to go? Are your feces fairly soft or really hard? If you strain, or they are hard that could be causing small abrasions. Lots of fruits and veggies, spinach, salad, green stuff and water will help that. If you are eating enough greens your poop should actually have a slightly greenish tinge. Certainly most people in the US have a poorer diet than they should and a high percentage don't 'go' as often as they should and have diverticulousis to some degree. If you are going to use this area as a playground you've got to take care of it. Make sure you are super aroused.

10-18-2008, 07:01 AM	#3
WildChild WH Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 8,690 Blog Entries: 6	One thing I do wonder, you've done it before apparently with different partners and say it was always "uncomfortabilty and pain". Why do you want to keep doing something that is painful or uncomfortable to you? It usually feels a little 'weird' with initial penetration and then it really good with some intense orgasms. If you aren't getting that, why do it?

10-18-2008, 11:27 AM	#4
mungies77 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 3	My diet isn't exactly as healthy as it should be, but it's not bad. I have fairly regular bowel movements (at least once a day, sometimes more). I don't believe I have hemoroids or an anal fissure because it doesnt hurt or itch at all (except with penetration). Aren't both of those things visible to the naked eye? My stools look normal, a little dark at times but normal in general, and no I don't strain to get them out. With my last partner it hurt a bit with initial penetration, but it subsided and I really enjoyed it(and he was actually more endowed than my current partner). I love when my partner plays around back there and it is very sexy to me, so I really want to be able to step it up to anal sex. If I have "small abrasions" as you mentioned... would that cause an infection when my stool passes? How would I know if I had them?

10-18-2008, 11:29 AM	#5
mungies77 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 3	Just a side note, I am not so great at relaxing... I am a high anxiety person in general. I am nervous about pooping on him too... COuld just being tense bring on such feelings of pain?

10-18-2008, 12:32 PM	#6
N01 Banned from WH Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 809	trying not to be too graphic, when he is orally pleasuring you, have him slowly massage that other area with one finger and see if after awhile that makes it not quite as tense. lube with whatever you 2 prefer if necessary.

10-19-2008, 12:30 AM	#7
WildChild WH Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 8,690 Blog Entries: 6	Was reading Dan Savage's column the other day and he was recommending lots of time just playing there. No penetration yet, but other kinds of anal arousal for both. Pressure or teasing the pernium, using a vibrator on but not in the anus. Just working on developing a higher sense of arousal associated with that area. Makes sense. Give it some time. If you are worried about cleanliness issues use a condom.

10-22-2008, 11:03 PM	#8
luvr1 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 1	I know exactly what problem you are facing. Before you have anal with your man, you need to use a dildo or even a big cucumber, and SLOWLY have it expand your anus, if it hurts at first, you must try to hold the pain as long as you can because moments later your body will adapt to the shape and it won't hurt anymore. You could even just use his penis at first and just have him insert it and hold it in there, letting your anus get used to it. This will work.

12-07-2008, 11:43 PM	#9
Shannon1 Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: MIchigan Posts: 24	Buy ANAL EASE at a novelty store, or order it online from a novelty web site, or throw a pure romance party and get all kinds of stuff to help you in that general area! I personally have found that a LOTION-BASED lubricant works GREAT! And play around with the area first to relax those muscles. If it hurts, then somethings not right. If you continue to try forcing it in, you can tear and damage tissue. I was also told by a friend, that KY warming gel works good. The key is to relax and use LOTS OF LUBE!! And as long as you have already had a bm for that day, you shouldn't have to worry about "going".. But if it happens, it happens. No big deal.

12-08-2008, 11:56 PM	#10
pictures Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: south texas Posts: 21 Blog Entries: 1	prior to insertion of his thing, take a deep breath to relax to muscles surrounding the Anus, and have him hold there for a couple of seconds. then take a deep breath again and have him push just alittle or you push back on his stick. just take it in slow. trust me I have done this many times with many different ladies. adjustments is the answer. remember you control the amount that goes in.