Thread: need to be a dominatrix!

If you don't want to do this sort of thing, don't. But if you are interested it can be a fun game.

Its easy to tie someone spread-eagled on a bed. Important to have a sure way to get them free (a knife, scissors, whatever in case you need to get them out now).

Use a safe word (a word like "red", or "Aardvark", that means "stop the game"). There have been too many times where D/S play has gone bad and the "top" hasn't realized that the bottom isn't having fun anymore.

In D/S games the "top" generally is doing the work - for the enjoyment of the bottom. Thats fine - but if you are acting as top, you are really doing things for his pleasure (though you might enjoy it as well).

Its best if he gives some hint as to what he would like. Some possibilities (once he is tied up).

Stimulate and tease him, but don't let him finish for a long time. Maybe get him almost finished, then straddle his head an make him lick you to orgasm before you finish him.

If he likes a bit of pain, get him aroused, then clothes-pins on his nipples while you ride him.

Role-playing: Does he want to be a captive of the amazon queen - who is going to use him for her pleasure, or to impregnate herself?

If he wants you to be really mean, masturbate him to orgasm, then don't stop. Most men can't stand this for long at all.

Some men like verbal domination: "Lick me you miserable worm".

There is aways tying him face down and spanking, or belting him.

Dripping candle wax works - but only soft wax candles (never use bees wax). Try on you hand first to make sure it just hurts a bit, not too much.

In most of these games it is the idea of pain and dominance that is important.

There are so many possibilities - but you need to find out what he likes, and decide what things you would find fun.

Finally, a topic I have a vested interest in.

First, I will suggest reading some FemDom literature, She's On Top and Yes Ma'am! both spring to mind. And if you have a well-stocked video store you might even find some BDSM porn to rent (Just so you're not disappointed, BDSM "porn" rarely has sex in it). I think the best DVD I've seen on the subject is Ekkos of Pain, which is as close to documenting a $200 pro-Dom session as I've seen yet.

If RaptureVision (dot com) ever comes back online, they have video clips of actual dominatrixes with actual clients (The films are shot at Rapture, a dungeon in NYC).

Now then, what exactly does a dominatrix do? The answer is "a lot". But here are some basics.

*Impact-play. Dominatrixes have been turning white bottoms red for about 300 years now. Your weapons of choice include bare hands, wooden paddles, leather straps, cat o' nine tails, bullwhips, floggers, and canes. Start-out with your bare hands: remember you want to cause pain, but not permenent damage. If your BF enjoys being spanked more than your hand can take theres no shame in actually contacting a pro-dom (just check Craigslist for your area) and getting her to show you the ropes (pro-doms always have a list of clients that just love to be used for training potential doms... they might even tip you!).

*Verbal abuse. This can be tricky, as what is sexy trash talking for one person is just plain unsexy hurtful to another. I'd ask your BF which subjects he's comfortable with, then go to town. two good rules for a dominatrix are: A) speak loudly and clearly. try to channel your inner highschool principal. B) dictate what is happening, or what you want to happen ("Lick my toes you fat piece of ****" or "Eat my *****, tell me how much you like it"). Verbal abuse and humiliation works well when mixed with anything else.

*Japanese rope bondage. Unlike traditional bondage, which restrains someone, Japanese rope bondage (shibari) does not hamper movement. The artistic folds of the rope are an art in itself, but the primary benefit is the feeling of the rope as it moves against the skin while the person walks around or does whatever they want to do (a typical torso harness or karada can be worn under clothes all day long). You can buy 100' of cotton clothesline at Wal*Mart for $5 and there are dozens of websites that have step-by-step instructions for karada. The downsides of shibari are A) working with rope hurts your hands. B) Your first diamond-pattern karada will take about 3 hours of practice (but once you've got it down cold its a 5 minute job).

*Strap-on play. Men have a gland located betwixt their colon and their testes named the prostate. The prostate has 2 jobs; first it gets cancer later in life. 2nd, it is used for sex (some call it the male g-spot). Dominatrixes typically combine strap-on play with verbal abuse (I'm sure you can think of 10 or 20 hurtful things to call a man who takes it up the chuff without my help ). Now the actual process of prostate stimulation is far too long to squeeze into this post, but there are many good instructional DVDs on the subject including Bend Over Boyfriend, Anal Sex for Couples, and Progasm.

*Toilet training. In the world of BDSM toilet training is a love-it or hate-it activity. Yes, it is probably exactly what you think it is. The only thing you really need to do for this learn how to overcome shy bladder/colon syndrome. You may also want to do this in a bathtub.

*Nipple torture. Unlike impact play, which is fast and a good arm workout, NT is best done slowly. Pinch, squeeze, bite, poke, pull.... Its all pretty self explanatory. Your tools are clothespins; they hurt when you put them on and the hurt even more when you take them off. Leave them on for at least 5 minutes (15 is probably the most time you want to spend on this), remove the pin (either gently, or just rip the thing off), lick or rub the area and put them right back on... its called torture for a reason. After your submissive builds-up a tolerance you can switch to S&M-specific metal clamps which are usually pretty cheap (and they work on scrotums too).

*CBT. Mouth-watering to some and eye-watering to everyone else, I'm not even going to tell you how to perform and ball torture. Consult a professional or at the very least buy an instructional DVD.

*Foot worship. Normally a foot fetish is its own separate thread, but foot worship and BDSM mix better than chocolate and peanutbutter. Hop on over to YouTube and search for Feet Domination, the first listed video was made by a very talented foot-worship specialist.

I don't disagree with SinisterUrge, but I do want to point out that there are a lot of much milder D/S relationships. For some people having the woman wear leather and carry (but maybe not eve use) a riding crop is a turn-on.

Since there is such a wide range of interests, communication is very important. I like a bit of D/S play but would not like any of the things SinisterUrge mentioned. Nothing wrong with them, just not for me. YKIOKBINMK

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

For some people having the woman wear leather and carry (but maybe not eve use) a riding crop is a turn-on...... I like a bit of D/S play but would not like any of the things SinisterUrge mentioned. Nothing wrong with them, just not for me. YKIOKBINMK

Yes, again, please ask your BF what his desires are specifically. He may not want you to be a dominatrix, so much as dress like a dominatrix and engage in some non-BDSM kink.

Some non-BDSM kink (ie. not something a dominatrix does, but generally a step-above the "least possible effort" sex that most people have. Or so I am lead to believe because Cosmopolitan magazine has to reprint the exact same blow-job article every month for the last 40 years).

*Analingus. (AKA: rimming, salad tossing, or Asian), turn it up a notch by adding a hand-job (AKA: playing a Trombone)

*Sensory play. With your BF blindfolded (arms tied optional) move a variety of different textured items slowly over his body. Fur, feathers, shoelaces, plastic combs, forks (don't poke him!), any textile fabric, and ice cubes are all very popular. To turn it up a notch blindfold, tie arms and have him listen to some music on some headphones.

*Erotic massage.

*Hand-Job. Try to learn at least 15 different techniques, your BF will thank you.

*Foot-Job. Like a hand-job, but using your feet & toes. There are instructional DVDs on this.

thanks for the advice ill not see him again in a while as hes at university so ill comment again telling you all how it went when i try it

Well I tried it wearing a leather catsuit which is always what he has wanted to see me in and it went well.
It kinda turned into me jumping on him in the end and not really dominatrixy but will definitely do it more slave like in the future.
thanks for the advice

Well I'm glad everything went well.