Hi,
i'm new here. I've never masturbated, and do not know how. I rarely orgasm during sex, but i have. As i read more and more about orgasming, i don't think i've had a true orgasm, just the "mini" ones people speak of. This is going to dissapoint my bf even more than i was when i found out i haven't orgasmed yet. I'm starting to get really discouraged during sex with my bf, because the stars have to be aligned just so to orgasm. He suggested masturbating, but i don't know how.

I've tried before, but felt really silly, and just can't mentally get past it. i don't know how to make myself horny, and in the mood, and just let go and relax. My parents never discussed ANYTHING with me, i didn't truely learn what physically happens during sex until 8th grade when we saw a movie in class. I was horrified that i didn't know what it was until then. I didn't have sex until i was 20, and i'm now 21, so that doesn't say much. I'm very sheltered about it all, although my bf has been great, we've tried lots of stuff at my own comfort level. He's really been an eye opener, because his family is extremely open about sex and pleasure.

What kind of advice can you give me? I'm in a bit of a sticky spot with ordering books and buying "toys" (that is if i even knew where to buy them) because i still live at home (going to college) and i have 2 little sisters that frequently snoop my room. I'm afraid of them finding the books or toys in my room, and then my parents finding out and their dissaproval. We also don't have the best circumstances to have sex or mess around, because it's either in his dorm room where we have to put a chair against the door so as not to risk his roomate walking in on us, or his house or my house, which would only be on the weekends. So, needless to say, when we want to have sex other than the weekends, we're pressed for time, and it's stressful for me. So, that's my situation. Any advice would be appreciated.

Do an internet search for female masterbation how to. I just checked and there is a ton of stuff - some of it's porn sites but there is a lot that is information. Quickies can be fun but you need to find some opportunities for some long, slow sexual exploration. Learning your body os a good place to start.

If you have private access to a computer there is lots of information out there. try googling on "the-clitoris".

Lack of privacy is a really big problem.

There are some sex-toys that don't look the part. If you have a "sharper image" or Brookstone store (yuppie gadgets), they generally carry massagers that don't look too embarrassing. Some general "big box" stores carry that sort of thing as well.

Erotic materials don't need to look like porn. There are lots of stories, etc - you need to discover what sorts of things you enjoy. But if you happen to like porn, there is lots of free stuff on the internet.

Just wanted to say thanks for the question. I too have that problem. I have to read a really good "letters to penthouse" to get me in the mood for that.. and stil no orgasm!! Good advice from the others!! I too will be checkign those websites out......

Try not to focus too much on it.... its almost like a lost memory, if you try to hard to remember you never will... just relax,enjoy what your doing and who your doing it with (even if your just enjoying yourself) and before you know it....your there!

Climax: "almost....almost...almost....almos-BANG! Whew, that was fun. Now I'm bored, lets go watch TV."

Orgasm: "almost....almost....almost....almost...BAAaaaaaaaAAAAAaaaaang! OK, you go wash up, I'm gonna just lie here for a few minutes and rela... Hey, is the ceiling spinning or did I just get really high?"

What turns your crank is something only you know. Some people watch porn, some people read erotica (which is porn without pictures), some people go to see pole dancers, some people like to get spanked, some people rub themselves with peanut-butter. Until you can identify what you like and come to terms with it (granted, coming to terms with being a heterosexual that enjoys candlelight dinners and Barry White albums is an entirely different experience than coming to terms with discovering you can only achieve total sexual fulfillment by having people dressed in rubber police uniforms insult you in French) you may as well not be having sex at all.

"Stealth toys" make-up the largest segment of the sex-toy marketplace. They are marketed to everyone from pre-teen girls (Behold the "wiggle pen" a brightly coloured battery-powered vibrator that also happens to be a pen. Despite being a popular seller for 20+ years I don't know of a single English homework assignment ever turned-in with squiggly script), to people with "muscle cramps" (The Hitachi Magic Wand), to the elderly (Dr. Whoever's bathtub water-jet thing for shingles), to people who just want other people to think they just enjoy bathing...a lot (the movable shower-head with "pulse" setting. Because 2psi of intermittent water really works the knots out of your scalp muscles).

One of the facts about having children is knowing (not fearing but knowing) that they will spend years 12-death as a sexual being. If my kids made it to 21 without doing so, I would seriously have to consider their mental wellbeing.

There are zillions of stores that you can order toys from, over the internet, and packaging is super discreet.

Like others said, only you know what makes you tick, so there isnt really a 'best' way to masterbate. However, from speaking to girlfriends, the vast majority will say a vibrator, afterall, theyre specifically designed to bring you pleasure. Ones such as the Hitachi magic wand dont actually look like your typical vibrator, so if someone finds it they wont think its anything other than a back massager... you can also get toys shaped as lipstick, nail polish and keys.

THanks everyone i'm thinking of looking around on the internet for a toy, maybe even buy one. My boyfriend and i are going to the bookstore today to look at some fun books. I think your right, i just have to stop worrying about it. My boyfriend also said he thinks we've gotten to lazy with sex, due to time constraints and the time allotted to actually have sex. Hopefully we can change that. Thanks!