Thread: BF has low desire yet still looks at porn and masturbates...

My BF is 23 and has a very low desire for sex, yet he still manages to look at porn and masturbate on a regular basis. Any time I bring the situation up he gets extremely angry and tells me I have a sex addiction. I'm starting to feel that masturbation gives him more pleasure than being intimate with me and it is making me quit frustrated. I'm 28 yrs old and hitting my peak sexually and cannot settle for having sex only once a week. He often talks about being depressed and having no libido since he tried taking Prozac a while back (which he is no longer on). He says masturbating is like fast food, it is easier and being with me is like the gourmet meal. I just don't understand, if you could have a gourmet meal every day, then why wouldn't you? Any advice would be great.

A similar thing has happened with me in the past - I found out an ex was masturbating several times a day which left him unable to have sex at night. I used to try and get him first thing in the morning (often a good time for guys I notice!). One other thing that got him in the mood was if I washed his hair for him when he was in the bath - that seemed to work very well.

I think the thing with guys is they get so visually stimulated sometimes they can't wait to let out the tension as it were, whereas we can be a little more subtle.

I'm sure there are other things you can try and I hope it works out for you!

how many times a day does he masturbate do you know?

as far as I know it isn't daily. he claims it is only 2-3 times a week. basically any time he is home alone. the second i walk out the door it is in his hand

Originally Posted by Karla327

My BF is 23 and has a very low desire for sex, yet he still manages to look at porn and masturbate on a regular basis. Any time I bring the situation up he gets extremely angry and tells me I have a sex addiction. I'm starting to feel that masturbation gives him more pleasure than being intimate with me and it is making me quit frustrated. I'm 28 yrs old and hitting my peak sexually and cannot settle for having sex only once a week. He often talks about being depressed and having no libido since he tried taking Prozac a while back (which he is no longer on). He says masturbating is like fast food, it is easier and being with me is like the gourmet meal. I just don't understand, if you could have a gourmet meal every day, then why wouldn't you? Any advice would be great.

I think it is an immaturity thing for him. I get that feel from the food analgy. He is 23, and probably doesn't know what he wants. Maybe he is intimadated by you too. Plus who knows about the meds. But at 28 I would think that you have an idea what you want. This seems like it's not part of the plan. You should find someone who is more on your level.

He also mentions that he is past his peak and I'm just entering mine. You are also correct in saying he is immature and has no clue what he wants. He says he wants me but has a funny way of showing it sometimes. It is just so hard to end something w/o at least trying to work it out first.

Originally Posted by Karla327

He also mentions that he is past his peak and I'm just entering mine. You are also correct in saying he is immature and has no clue what he wants. He says he wants me but has a funny way of showing it sometimes. It is just so hard to end something w/o at least trying to work it out first.

A couple of questions. Do you guys live together? What do you guys do for livings? Just a little backround please.

The fact that he said he is past his prime at 23 tells me the guy is an absolute yutz. I am 35 and I feel that I have gotten better with age, and he is giving up at 23. Please!

Yes we live together. He moved in with me in June. He is an underwriter with a major insurance company (basically he processes people's policies for an hour a day and spends the other 7 online). I'm a police officer. I appreciate any advice

Originally Posted by Karla327

Yes we live together. He moved in with me in June. He is an underwriter with a major insurance company (basically he processes people's policies for an hour a day and spends the other 7 online). I'm a police officer. I appreciate any advice

Rumor has it that men are more immature than women. Well that's what my wife always says. but i just think that you guys are at different points in your lives. You seem to know what you want and he seems to have all kinds of issues. I think that's why woman date older men, so they don't have to hand hold through instability/immaturity issues. I still can't believe that whole fast food anagly. when I was 23, all I wanted to do is get laid (now I am 35 and nothing has changed). But it seems that he might really have some sort of problem, maybe even mental. It would make more sense if he was going out with his friends, coming home drunk and stoned at all hours of the night. but to be 23 and have no desire to have sex is almost unfathomable. I masturebate too, but never in a million years would I have turned down my girlfriend/wife for the real thing.

Originally Posted by Gippy11

The fact that he said he is past his prime at 23 tells me the guy is an absolute yutz. I am 35 and I feel that I have gotten better with age, and he is giving up at 23. Please!

He is correct, hormonally.

Women experience their prime at 30 with a husband, and men experience their prime in their bedroom alone when they're 18.

But yeah, there's a problem if you're not both sexually satisfied - it's probably time to move on.