Thread: I need a girls opinion on my girlfriends sexual past

Retroactive Jealousy.

More common then you think.

i don't have personal experience with this but i hear about it all the time from my dad who has to deal with this. and it will haunt you unless you can learn to just not think about it, because even if you forgive her, you will not forget. and little things will set it off. i don't want to tell you what to do but i honestly think that you should find a woman who has saved herself, like you have. i do wish that there were more people like you, because it is really hard to cope with the fact that the person you love has been with other people, and you will be worried about her comparing you to others and a bunch of that you shouldn't have to deal with. if you are a christian, wait. God will provide whoever he wants you to be with.

I'd have to say that it would haunt you, yes.
Maybe not so much in ways that she might compare you to past lovers because, from the sounds of it you said she was doing it for attention. So then she really wasn't into it, not in love. If that was the case she didn't care about those guys and their memory definitely can't compete with a guy she really loves (you).
However, what may haunt you is that YOU did not stick to YOUR beliefs and wishes. The desire you have to marry someone who had also saved herself for marriage is what I'm talking about. That wish has meaning for you, it's something that is important to you, and I would worry that giving up on that would cause trouble for you emotionally later on.
You love her so it would hurt for you to just break up with her and try to move on, there's no question it would be hard. But down the line if you married her and gave up on something that was important to you it would come back as resentment. Every time she did anything hurtful or you had a fight you might think "and after I threw all my morals out the window for you, you'd do THAT to me".
It would eat away at you too much I think. But then I may not know the whole story... anyway consider it as a factor first.

Thank you all for your support and advice. It really has helped a lot! I wanted to gather all your thoughts because you all have different perspectives, as well as opinions and it helps to kind of gather it all. Things are still going well with my girlfriend. I recognize that I have one of the biggest decisions ahead of me, and the part that sucks is, the ball is in my court.... I really don’t think that my doubts, fears, and insecure will ever go away until we have our own history. I saw her last boyfriend on campus today... and it stabbed the knife back into my heart. I still want to just call it quits sometimes and move on... but the thought of leaving her hurts just as bad so I stay where I am.
We talked the other day and she told me that she understands if I can't get over it, but that she wants to know by this summer (I go out of town all summer to work). It puts the pressure on, but I realize that if I haven’t gotten over it by then I most likely never will and I need to let her find someone stronger.

i wish there were a magic pill...


dave,

Only magic pill would be anti-depressants, some people with jetroactive jealousy has said it's done wonders for them,

tbh if you love this girl look for a solution, did you add me on msn? stylerock818hotmail.com i'll show u some techiniques you can use in real time while feeling this way.

-Daniel

Accept her for who she is. Even if you did break up with her and find someone else, she may have ex's and you'll feel exactly the same way. Yes she may be a virgin but she may still have ex's and you'll feel exactly the same.
Accept her for who she is, she shouldn't be attacked for having ex's, it was her choice and her life.

If you love her, then try to let go of your jealousy.

If virginity if important to you dont settle for less and regret your choice later. The thing is, you never will be able to forget feeling cheated or forget feeling inadequete. It will always stay in the back of your mind.

My boyfriend and I both wanted to wait for marriage but "gave up" before we met eachother. For me, I made a huge mistake with my ex, one that I wish I could take back everyday. For him, he wishes he never had sex with his ex, and gets jealous that others have seen me naked before.

Sex will bring baggege into your relationship, do you want that in your marriage?

honestly the fact that she's giving you a time-limit might seem harmless but when she's doing that she's saying "i'm too selfish to wait for you, if you don't want to be together that's fine just make sure and tell me before you leave thatway i can do what i want while you're gone without being tied to a relationship." you should stick to your guns and don't settle. you will regret it.

Ah man, u're just like me (I'm a guy as well). Let me tell you something huge. If you only go out and try with one single girl, she's gonna become your everything and will expect her to have you as her everything as well.

That's why the first love seems so important: it's the only you know!. Sadly, guys like us have to toughen up to survive. I don't wanna scare you, but I do believe it's gonna bother you for the rest of your life, UNLESS you make some serious, real thoughts.

1. Make sure you believe in her, that she won't cheat on you ever. It doesn't matter if she does or not, but if you believe 100% she won't. Are you scared she will? Or how would it hit you that, during a "break" she doesnt gets into a relationship but does have sex with a guy? Is this thing she does you don't bothering you?
2. Please, please consider there are other fishes in the tank. If you found someone who makes you happy, stay with her. Dumbest thing would be leaving her to try someone else. Don't think of driving away. But please bear in mind that, if yours is over, is not the end of the world, you'll eventually meet someone else. Don't put all the eggs in one basket.
3. Sex changes you, like it or not. The fact she already had 6 different people to experience with may make you feel you had an "emptier" life - somehow, nowadays everything seems to be measured on how many times you got awfully drunk and had sex with people you never knew nor saw again. I disagree on this, but our cultures are the same stupid way... And this can affect you.
So make sure you don't FEEL she's done more than you. Can you do that? Seriously?
4. Also ensure you don't feel jealous she liked other guys SO randomly in the past (as your description makes it sound like it didn't meant much to her), while for you, she's a very important person, and by abstinence you're making it a bigger deal.

Think of these 4 points can be worked on.

The more women you get to be with, the more times you get in love and get disappointed, the less you would care. If you were already in 3 meaningful relationships (sex included...), and got your heart broken, this wouldn't be happening to you. More, you'll be thinking whether she's good while doing it or not.

So that's it. Now you're 100% romantic... A few mayor failures can change you. Hopefully, that's not needed for you to be happy =)

Hope you find a way out! WATCH THE 4 POINTS! =P

I don't believe in abstinence until marriage, but I do believe in choosing the right girl for this. It must be an expression of love. Marriage ain't the point FOR ME. That's not your case, but I do understand you and I think it's great you stay firm in this position.

Anyway, good luck. Bye!

Originally Posted by Dave

hey all,

So first off i must come clean... im a guy... sorry for using this forum, i know its for women... but i really need advice. So my story is such... I am a virgin, by choice i have abstained but now i am dating a girl who has confessed to being sexually involved with six men. She is twenty years old. We were both raised under the same religious views of abstanance, but she didnt hold to them. I must state upfront i do not look down on her for having sex. My problem is that i have always hoped for marrying a girl who had saved herself like i have. i know that most people are saying at this point, then just stop dating her and move on to another virgin. Problem is... i love her. i try to bottle up the thought of her being with another guy, but it always comes back up. When i think about it, it hurts. I almost get sick. She claims she did it for attention, and doesnt really remember any specifics now...

My question for you, the viewers is this... i am sure a few of you have been/are in this situation... Can I overcome this, or is it going to be something that will haunt our lives? I wont allow myself to have sex with her before marriage, but after we do have sex, will i always be thinking in the back of my mind, is she comparing me? am i good? has she had bigger? etc...

I want this to work out... but i need your advice. I know that now a days sex is normal, but it has been something i have held as special for my future wife... now that my possible wife has been with six men in the past four years it just makes me feel cheated and i want to get your oppinions. Has anyone been in this situation? i appreciate your advice,

Dave,

I think you have a very twisted view of what a relationship should be, and until you get past that anything short of your ideal person will give you issues.

Not saying it doesn't bother me to think about my girlfriend with another person, but it's also something you just have to deal with. Or break up with her if you think that's the only option you have.