How can I help it be less painful?

**insertsnherexx67** · 11-20-2008 09:41 PM

I've been looking around online, and I can't seem to find an answer to this question, So I figured I'd try here. My girlfriend and I just recently shared her first time. I kinda feel bad about taking her virginity though. (Feeling I'm not good enough to take something like that from her.)

We've had sex A couple of times since then, about a month ago, and it's still pretty painful for her. I've tried getting her "warmed up" for about a half hour or a bit more first, and it still hurts her. Could this be a medical problem that she needs to have taken care of by a doctor? or could it be something that maybe she wasn't prepared, or I'm not doing something right or something of that sort? Please help me, cause I feel like a total every time that we have sex, and it kinda makes me not want to do it anymore. I really enjoy the feeling, but I don't want the experience to be uncomfortable or painful for her anymore.

Thank you in advance for any replies.

**Tarzan31** · 11-21-2008 01:11 AM

i don't really know what you could do but she may still be really nervous and that can definitely tighten things up too much. you said that you feel bad and trust me, even if you haven't said a word about it to her, she can feel that and that will add to her nervousness. above that, try using lube. if you are already using lube, use a lot more. but most importantly, be patient and understanding. sometimes it all the situation needs is time. good luck!

**starrynight99** · 11-22-2008 09:36 PM

You obviously really care about this girl and it's sweet. I think you should tell her first how much her happiness and comfort means to you, and that you don't want to do anything she is uncomfortable with/that hurts her. The same thing happened to me with my ex, after my first time. Communication is key and helps relax things a bit more. I totally agree with the person above: LUBE IS THE ANSWER. Honestly, I would've felt like a dysfunctional freak without it. It made things go much easier and soon, it didn't hurt at all. Use generously, because, seriously....lube is a miracle. I can't say enough good things about it.

**WildChild** · 11-22-2008 11:35 PM

She's not really into sex yet and until she is, she'll probably need a lot more that 30 mins of foreplay. Even after she's gotten into it you can't skimp on the foreplay very often. For a woman to feel juicy and sexy, she needs to feel cared about and desirable, that's an ongoing process. Looks, carresses, little acts of caring, all add up to helping her find her desire. You need to make it a goal to bring her to an intense state of arousal before sex. Help her learn and explore her body and yours in a playful and tender manner.

Don't put yourself down, few things are less attractive or more insulting. Believeing yourself to be "not good enough" questions your partner's judgement in chosing to be with you. You are obviously concerned and caring, those are good places to start. Find ways to be playfull and make it fun, take your time, communicate and above all be caring.

**Little_Man_in_the_Boat** · 12-05-2008 07:40 AM

Don't enter her until shes dripping wet.

You need to do a lot more foreplay.

Caressing with your hands its got to be really subtle.

**silvertae** · 12-06-2008 07:28 PM

Communicate. Make sure she's fully turned on and lubricated. If she doesn't produce enough lube herself, add some store-bought lube.

You can't set a time limit on foreplay. It could take her longer than 30 mins to get turned on. Again, communication is the most important thing. And as WildChild said, she might still be getting used to things and she might not even recognize whether she's fully turned on yet! Sex is an ongoing learning experience. A LOT of people take a couple months to get into the swing of things.

**pictures** · 12-17-2008 02:32 AM

probably psycholigical, vaginismus is a probable cause. but again this is just from your saying, i need more info from her personnel situation.
penetration, situation, fears of her friends and parents. maybe she might do something wrong to push you away.
sometimes thoughts can affect an entire releationship. have the doc check it out. you cant argue with safety

**cstevensg** · 12-18-2008 10:26 PM

What I do to make her enjoy it, really needs a good 4-6 hours of time before and during.

Usually we spend close to an hour just cuddling and kissing, then 1-2 hours with some stuff that's a bit more serious/arousing, like I will start kissing her neck and nibbling on her ear.

After that its 30 mins to an hour of me feeling all over her body, this goes on until she is literally RIPPING(have gone through 2 pairs of pants this way im not kidding) my pants off trying to get at me.

After that I will tease her a bit longer, and then when I finally do get ready to do the whole 'sex' thing I will put it in and take it out repeatedly, rub her clit with my , that sort of thing.

What I put it in she SCREAMS.

Although if you dont want to go to sleep at 5am I am out of ideas. Lube would help I am guessing, my gf has never had that problem.

**Rosslyn** · 12-20-2008 01:05 PM

For some girls, it takes a while for sex to stop making you sore. In my case, my boyfriend was my first and he's larger than average. It took me a couple months of having sex several times a day almost every day to stop being sore. I'm not saying to do this, especially because we live together and not everyone has that luxury, but you should try doing more foreplay. The very first time I had sex, my boyfriend fingered me on and off throughout the day. Make it a goal to make her as wet and turned on as possible before you have sex.

**KatieAnne** · 12-20-2008 10:32 PM

some girls have a problem with unconscious guilt about sex since most girls are raised to think sex is a terrible sin. she could have some psychological vaginismus. Try using some astro glide and not thrusting so deeply...some girls have a small set up down there lol. let her go on top to control penetration.

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