Is it time to call it quits? Or am I overreacting?

**Hatinglife2008** · 11-21-2008 10:13 AM

Whats up everyone. I joined this site mostly for advice from women. Here is my situation.. (Warning could be long)

Details

I am 25 she is 24

We have been together for 1 year but have been interested in each other a little before we became "Official"

The Good

We love each other and are serious about getting married and moving in together.

We cuddle at night, have a great relationship, always together, the family loves me, and really have no real problems except we are completely different from one another but we both really don't mind.

She tells me how much she loves me, sends me text messages saying how much she loves me and hopes I have good day and stuff like that.

The Problem

When we first started going out we had sex for the first time and she loved it. She said word for word "I'm always going to want you now"
I was like "......Sweet".

We used to have sex quite a bit but now... it has diminished tremendously.

She will not give me oral ( The only time she has is when she is drunk) which was about like 2 times. I go down on here EVERYTIME before we have sex because it's the only thing that turns her on and she seems to really like it.

She makes NO attempt to have sex me now.

This is what really pisses me off... She gives EVERY single excuse on why she doesn't want to... every single excuse you say? Yep here are some of the best ones
1. Too tired
2. Stomach hurts
3. Headache
4. Dog's in the room(No joke)
5. We don't go out and do enough things(Meaning nightlife or whatever)Which is COMPLETE
6. On here period (For a full week????)
7. Not in the mood
8. Passes out when drunk (This is true) She is not an alcoholic though
9. It hurts too much(It should hurt if you only have sex once every 3 weeks IMO)
10. (Reason for no oral)- Because I will come to quick
11. I'm not satisfied enough if we do because later on I will try to again
12. She says it might be caused by a possible vaginal infection
13. My friend told me she was a before we met and she doesn't want me think that(We came to this conclusion once, but I bet my it's not the problem)
14. She doesn't know whats wrong so she is going to go to the doctor
15. Her friends say she doesn't want to with me because she loves so much that she doesn't need it
16. She says it has NOTHING to do with not being attracted to me
17. She is not comfortable with her body

So yeah...... This would be no problem to me if she was like this with sex BEFORE we met, but she was far from it.

Important Facts

When we first met, she told me "She thinks about sex all the time like a guy"

She has only been in 2 Relationships before me.

She claims she had sex with her last boyfriend all the time because she thought it would get him to love her but she felt that he just used her for sex.

She sometimes acts like a when she is drunk. This is strange because she is a complete 360 from this without alcohol.

She hates one of my friends for telling me that she hooked up(Gave head) with one of our friends before we met. She claims she was not attracted to him...(Go figure.. she was drunk)

She had sex with some dude she just met that day on (new years). Before we were together

I'm am so F'n confused right now... She is very loyal, has never cheated, even though with all the above stuff she is far far far from a . I take her out to dinner, buy her things, she takes me out to dinner also, we do literally everything together. We basically live together but unofficialy.
Our relationship is picture perfect except for this little detour going on right now.

It has been going on for about 4 months now.. so I'm at the point where I am ready to let her go because I absolutely cannot marry into something like this if it should continue.

I have been in many many relationships and have been cheated on 95% of the time. I love this girl to death and would do anything for her. I really don't believe she is cheating...but before 2 of my x girlfriends stopped having sex with me before they cheated on me.

Thank you for taking the time to read all of this. I gave every important detail I can think of.. any help or advice at all would be greatly appreciated because I don't want to make the mistake of releasing the best thing that came into my life. Thanks-

Alex

**Tarzan31** · 11-21-2008 02:42 PM

You said that she told you she had sex all the time with her ex so that he would love her...maybe she is testing you. You know, to see if you will love her without sex. It sounds like she is very insecure and has trust issues with men. This could be her way of proving that all men are dogs and leave at the first sign of trouble. If you really love her, talk to her about the lack of sex, be patient, and make it your job to prove her wrong.

P.S. For the record: I don't like having sex with the dog in the room either. He likes to stick his nose in inappropriate places.

**bimbamboodle** · 11-21-2008 03:47 PM

I think she has serious self-esteem issues and is unsatisfied with you in a way she doesn't want to admit to you, which is a trust issue. Those two things can just totally mess up a girls libido. You need to try to build her trust in you and improve communication. I think she needs to sort things out in her head before she'll truly enjoy sex.

Yes, periods do often last a week.

You said that it would be different if the relationship started out with less sex. All relationships start out with more sex than they end with. I just want you to know that her behavior is nearly textbook for someone with a history of sexual abuse, and if that's the case, you need to get her to communicate about that more.

**WildChild** · 11-21-2008 04:29 PM

Deep breath time. I'm confused, she's had two relationships before you, was that the guy she gave the bj to and the one on new years? What counts and what doesn't? Doing things drunk that you won't do sober is just an excuse, it's BS. Sounds like she comes on like gangbusters at first and then backs off when you are 'hooked' that what she's admitted to doing in a previous relationship.

Do you think she really cums during sex?
Are you as good as you think you are? Would she tell you? Maybe you are doing what really turned on some other woman but it doesn't quite work for her and she's nervous to say so?

Over and over we have people start with a slice of the story and then gradually actually get to the nitty gritty. Is there more? How much time do you spend in foreplay? Do you get upset over all this at her? Can you tease her and arouse her until she is begging for it?

**Hatinglife2008** · 11-21-2008 09:44 PM

Originally Posted by Tarzan31

You said that she told you she had sex all the time with her ex so that he would love her...maybe she is testing you. You know, to see if you will love her without sex. It sounds like she is very insecure and has trust issues with men. This could be her way of proving that all men are dogs and leave at the first sign of trouble. If you really love her, talk to her about the lack of sex, be patient, and make it your job to prove her wrong.

P.S. For the record: I don't like having sex with the dog in the room either. He likes to stick his nose in inappropriate places.

Wow... you are dead on. She told me a while back that she "Held out on sex from me for a while" to see what I would do. She admitted that she was wrong for it a little later. I promised to her that sex was not all I cared about(It isn't) I honestly believe that for a girl to have sex with a guy is huge huge decision. It is up to women on when sex happens basically.

Your right again.. She is insecure right now. She thinks she is too fat(Weighs 105 haha) and upset with her build right now. She has no reason not to trust me. She is the only girl that I have met that does NOT get jealous. If she does, then she is good at concealing it. I have been patient for as long as I can.

Hahah the dog thing is very true. I was talking about just when the dog is anywhere in the room laying down or something.

Thank you so much on the response. Really appreciate it

Originally Posted by bimbamboodle

I think she has serious self-esteem issues and is unsatisfied with you in a way she doesn't want to admit to you, which is a trust issue. Those two things can just totally mess up a girls libido. You need to try to build her trust in you and improve communication. I think she needs to sort things out in her head before she'll truly enjoy sex.

Yes, periods do often last a week.

You said that it would be different if the relationship started out with less sex. All relationships start out with more sex than they end with. I just want you to know that her behavior is nearly textbook for someone with a history of sexual abuse, and if that's the case, you need to get her to communicate about that more.

As I said above, you are right also. She has self-estem issues. I don't get it a lot of guys always hit on her. She doesn't and shouldn't have no reason not to trust me. We actually had a very very long conversation about communication. I also agree that relationships start out with more sex than they end with. She hasn't been sexually abused though. I guess you can call being used for sex abuse though. Thank you so much for the reply.

Originally Posted by WildChild

Deep breath time. I'm confused, she's had two relationships before you, was that the guy she gave the bj to and the one on new years? What counts and what doesn't? Doing things drunk that you won't do sober is just an excuse, it's BS. Sounds like she comes on like gangbusters at first and then backs off when you are 'hooked' that what she's admitted to doing in a previous relationship.

Do you think she really cums during sex?
Are you as good as you think you are? Would she tell you? Maybe you are doing what really turned on some other woman but it doesn't quite work for her and she's nervous to say so?

Over and over we have people start with a slice of the story and then gradually actually get to the nitty gritty. Is there more? How much time do you spend in foreplay? Do you get upset over all this at her? Can you tease her and arouse her until she is begging for it?

OK.. The guy she gave the bj to was one of my friends. They did not have any relationship. This happened a long long time before we started dating. The thing that disturbs me is that she said she was not attracted to him(Doesn't make any sense to me) and that "He kept trying to get with me and I kept rejecting him" "I finally broke after so many times and thats when it happened" She was drunk of course.

The guy on new years was just some tool that she met on a trip that night and ended up having sex with. That was the end of that.

I completely agree the "drunk" excuse is complete .

I know she cums during sex. The only time she gets crazy with me in sex is after she has been drinking.

I always start out with foreplay. Touching, kissing, and going down on her until she about to cum and then stopping. Then I repeat for a couple more times.

The only time I got upset is when she gave me all those excuses I listed because I think it is way too many.

I want her to initiate the contact. I have been rejected alot lately so I quit trying to have sex. I want her to beg for it but it hasn't seemed to work so maybe I will have to act uninterested for a while.

Thank you all for the replies. I will keep you all updated. Going out tonight so I hope she doesn't want it when she gets drunk tonight. Usually she just passes out and thats another excuse. Thank you guys

**WildChild** · 11-21-2008 10:44 PM

Drinking until you pass out, regardless how much or how little alcohol that takes is a problem behavior. I'd be concerned about that.

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 11-22-2008 05:23 AM

Well, the whole post of yours sounds familiar to me. I put up with it for a whole lot too long, which wasn't good for either of us as it just dragged out the inevitable. I don't think that you can really rely on people to change, especially when it comes to sex. Some women just use sex as a way to trap men into a relationship with them, then once they're snared they give up because they really don't care too much about it (or they have other problems, but even if her excuses are valid what's the point?).

You should be sexually fulfilled. You are not. This will not change. Move on.

To be honest the blowjob thing alone would be a dealbreaker for me... In my nearly identical relationship at least she sometimes forced herself to relieve me even though she didn't want sex. Which was something at least.

I got the whole rejection thing for ages, leading you to never initiate sex. Then she complains: don't you fancy me, you never try to have sex with me any more - so you decide to show her what for - and a couple of days later she understands that she's turned into a fridge with a big chain and padlock around it.

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 11-22-2008 05:25 AM

I'd also add that just as with men women likely have an evolutionary incentive to change sexual partners after a period of time. Once a woman has been shagging a man for a year, (protection only happened recently) she'd get pregnant, have a child, and then to continue the spirit of genetic diversity she would then be impregnated by another.

**Heatwave** · 11-22-2008 11:49 AM

I just want to say - she's quite young really, probably still getting used to sex, what she likes, going through issues with her body like a lot of women her age. Just because she's had lots (?) of sex doesn't mean she's any wiser if it was with the wrong people or she was drunk! If she gets a lot of attention from guys it probably makes her self-conscious (might sound crazy, but you're conscious of the fact you get attention all the time and it makes you more aware of how you look/act etc). Talking is so important x

**Hatinglife2008** · 11-23-2008 03:26 PM

Ok so...... This last weekend was perfect. We went out, had tons of fun, had amazing sex and I got a BJ. Hahah. The only thing I like about when she is drunk is that she tells me things that she would be embarrassed to talk about and she gets real touchy feely with me. She told me that she wants to go to the doctor because it is so painful when we have sex(Even when she is wet)

We also talked a lot about future plans like kids and stuff like that. She told me how much she loves me and how attractive she thinks I am so everything is going a lot better.

P.S. We had sex the morning after we went out and when we were in bed I was gently touching and rubbing her and she LOVED it.

Originally Posted by WildChild

Drinking until you pass out, regardless how much or how little alcohol that takes is a problem behavior. I'd be concerned about that.

Its strange because she really isn't an alcoholic. She only drinks about twice a week. It's a lot less than what she used to. It is passing out... but it kind of is from being tired(We come home at about 3.a.m. or so)

Originally Posted by anonymouswhitefemale

Well, the whole post of yours sounds familiar to me. I put up with it for a whole lot too long, which wasn't good for either of us as it just dragged out the inevitable. I don't think that you can really rely on people to change, especially when it comes to sex. Some women just use sex as a way to trap men into a relationship with them, then once they're snared they give up because they really don't care too much about it (or they have other problems, but even if her excuses are valid what's the point?).

You should be sexually fulfilled. You are not. This will not change. Move on.

To be honest the blowjob thing alone would be a dealbreaker for me... In my nearly identical relationship at least she sometimes forced herself to relieve me even though she didn't want sex. Which was something at least.

I got the whole rejection thing for ages, leading you to never initiate sex. Then she complains: don't you fancy me, you never try to have sex with me any more - so you decide to show her what for - and a couple of days later she understands that she's turned into a fridge with a big chain and padlock around it.

I agree. I was really upset because it's your partners job to make sure your sexually fulfilled(If needed) before someone else does.

I also looked at like at least she could have tried to relieve me in some way. She has before so she should now. How tired can you be? hahah

The rejection thing almost knocked me off the edge

Originally Posted by Heatwave

I just want to say - she's quite young really, probably still getting used to sex, what she likes, going through issues with her body like a lot of women her age. Just because she's had lots (?) of sex doesn't mean she's any wiser if it was with the wrong people or she was drunk! If she gets a lot of attention from guys it probably makes her self-conscious (might sound crazy, but you're conscious of the fact you get attention all the time and it makes you more aware of how you look/act etc). Talking is so important x

Thanks for the reply. I can understand the being self-conscious from attention thing because I just noticed that's how she is. She really gets embarrassed when I compliment her on how she looks.

So everything is going great for the moment.. but I always keep my gaurd up

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