Very sad and sexually frustrated

**SadFrigidGirl** · 12-01-2008 08:31 PM

I have tried everything to get pleasure out of penetration. I bought some dildos and have yet to feel the pleasure that everyone talks about. I don't feel the gratification of having a penis sliding in and out of my vagina

I cannot stand women who enjoy sex. I don't like them, because I envy them so much. Sometimes I get so angry that I just burst nto tears and feel like destroying the whole house.

It's simply not fair that sex feels so good to all these women yet I get the short end of the stick and dont' feel anything.

I hate the remarks about how they feel sorry for women who don't enjoy penetratin and can't orgasm from it. When I hear that remark it makes me so angry that i want to slap the woman who says it.

Now, I dont' know if a man will ever want me or even stay with me. Men like penetration, and I don't know if they will even tolerate a 'broken' woman such as myself.

I don't know what to do about this. I get so frustrated that I have to work so hard at something that should come naturally. I shouldn't even have to go through all of this, I should enjoy it and be able to focus on other things in life.

**sophie13** · 12-02-2008 02:31 AM

I don't know a great deal, but after reading alot of things on this site and others, is t possible that you're focusing too much on the negative side of your sexual pleasures? Can you feel any pleasure from masturbating or from foreplay with a guy??? Like I said, I don't know a great deal, but I do know that if you go into it thinking 'omg this never works' or you think about it so intensely as being a negative thing, you probably won't ever solve your problem.

Have you tried asking a gp? Can anyone else help me out here?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-02-2008 02:41 AM

Well said Sophie..

I think guys it depends on the depth of your feelings for your men.

Trying to ................. to please him..............but you don't have total butterflys for him, he is expecting, you are trying to please, it won't happen.,

Feelings just like feeling love for someone in your family, it's no different, you have to feel..

And, you have to have trust from him, him saying "it's ok" I understand.

Do either of you have this?

CW

**sophie13** · 12-02-2008 03:03 AM

I definitely have strong feelings for him and i trust him more than anything. But I have noticed how strongly your mood can effect things. I've learnt that you have to not just want it...but really want him and everything about him as well. Not having any other thoughts in your head but him. I think that's how it is supposed to be and when I feel that way it makes things so much easier and more enjoyable. Since I've started to relax a lot more, things have improved.
Are you completely relaxed poster? Do you love your bf? I think CW is right in saying we need to focus on how we feel about them...

**Little_Man_in_the_Boat** · 12-02-2008 04:47 AM

Can I ask you what you mean by "broken" ?

**SadFrigidGirl** · 12-02-2008 07:24 AM

Originally Posted by sophie13

I don't know a great deal, but after reading alot of things on this site and others, is t possible that you're focusing too much on the negative side of your sexual pleasures? Can you feel any pleasure from masturbating or from foreplay with a guy??? Like I said, I don't know a great deal, but I do know that if you go into it thinking 'omg this never works' or you think about it so intensely as being a negative thing, you probably won't ever solve your problem.

Have you tried asking a gp? Can anyone else help me out here?

Yes, I feel pleasure from masterbating. I enjoy it a lot, I do it quite often ::blushing::

I only get pleasure out of clitoral stimulation which feels excellent, I even have a vibrator that massages my clitoris and I orgasm quite easily. A bit too easy.

But with penetration, it fills like nothing. Just fullness. I don't feel gratification of having my walls stimulated as some women say. I just know that something is in there. Now, some suggest & say add clitoral stimulation while being penetrated but I don't see the point if the clitoral stimulation is all I'm feeling.

**SadFrigidGirl** · 12-02-2008 07:29 AM

Sophie, I'm not in a relationship now. But when I was with my boyfriend, I did not love him at all honestly. I cared about him, but just liked the fact that he made me feel good about myself and gave me companionship. I know a lot of women can enjoy just the physical act of sex without being in love and was wondering why can't I be one of them?

I mostly experiment with sex toys (dildos) and I have been working with them without any success.

Can I ask you what you mean by "broken" ?

I feel like my body is not working or responding the way it should. Typically, most women have enough nerves in their vagina where penetration is pleasureable and I don't. I've never had a doctor tell me that I don't have enough nerves but judging from not feeling any pleasure it's safe for me to say I don't.

**Little** · 12-02-2008 08:30 AM

Been there, felt that frustration. Had a fiancé who made me feel absolutely defective (obviously, he's an EX-fiancé now.) Didn't think I would ever have good sex. Sex for me was incredibly painful, not just lacking in feeling, though because of an abusive situation I was able to turn my brain off of sex and not feel anything.
Until I met my current boyfriend with whom I clicked immediately. He took time with me, made me feel worth the time he was taking and made me feel that even though I had a difficult time with sex, it was okay. And the results were, as they say, explosive

Your "cure" may not be another person. It may be in your own brain. You have to relax and be receptive to the possibility of pleasure. I know how frustrating it is to not feel anything or to feel pain, but you can't let it take control of you. Maybe you have a problem with the amount of nerves in your vagina, but until a doctor tells you so, you shouldn't believe it. Your mind has an AMAZING amount to do with how you percieve feeling.
You don't have to envy me; I've been where you are. And it hasn't been an automatic fix. Every time sex doesn't go exactly right, if I feel too much pain, I feel really discouraged. But I can't let it get to me because then I'll be back at stage one again. So good luck in getting the right mind-set.

**Little_Man_in_the_Boat** · 12-05-2008 06:51 AM

I doubt that you would be any different to any other women.

I don't believe in dildos or plastic toys.

I think you just need a guy that loves you.

I can't imagine why you would be with someone that your not attracted to or someone that you love ?

Am man should not enter a women until shes ready, if a man does it only creates problems.

I think you need to learn how to relax and just pleasure yourself with your hands.

If you have any traumatic sexual experiences you would need to deal with them.

**WildChild** · 12-05-2008 07:27 AM

Actually Sad if you research this you will find that only 30% of women orgasm vaginally. There really aren't many nerve endings in there. If there were childbirth would be unbearable. The clitorus has 8000 nerve endings and it's only purpose is pleasure. Some of the nerves are placed so that they are stimulated during intercourse but every woman is different.

You can train your responses so that any part of your body can respond with orgasm. The book Extended Massive Orgasm explains this. Being over stressed about it or worried can keep you from orgasm. You need to relax into it, the more trusting you are of your partner the easier this will be. This very much a mental thing. With the exception of wet dreams, men require direct physical stimulation, women can orgasm just from thinking, or doing kegels while driving, or dozens of other ways. We are designed for orgasm - but we are different and so far most women have bought into the male concepts and needs of sex. We and they just didn't know better. There is no right or wrong in this, there is just what work for you! For the most part the doctors are still in the male thinking on sexual issues, they may know the mechanics of the body (although an article I just read in More's Dec issue, shows a lot of them are iffy there too) they may not actually understand orgasm either. Don't get hung up on what the doc told you.

Those of us who come vaginally may have a slightly different construction, or have created a mental link between intercourse and orgasm - that comes from positive association. Having a lover who takes the time to get you really aroused, who make sure you have cum before he does, by whatever means. You have to get into the mental aspects here, intercourse can be far more than sex, it is the actual joining of your bodies. You are taking a part of him inside you, You join your energies and let them flow together. This can create a joining of body, mind and spirit. You have to open up and recieve him, not just your vagina but your 'self', this needs the ego put aside. You are really functioning in the ego right now. which is blocking you because it has it's own agenda. You have to let go of that and simply feel it, flow with it, quit trying to write a script and follow it. Unrealistic expectations and judgements are holding you back.

Let go of the anger and the jealousy, this isn't an orgasm competition. Do you get angry because you think food tastes better to someone else? What you are doing is the equivalent. They've trained their palet, you can too but it's individual and personal.

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