Thread: how do i get him to want sex!!

Good perspective Anony, thank you. Perhaps you are right, we women can dish it out but don't know how to take it? We can each only speak from our own experience and perspective. For me to shut down and not want sex, it takes a lot of being put down, ignored, neglected, and treated like part of the furniture. Once a woman has shut down I think bringing it back up takes feeling emotionally safe in the relationship again and that can be hard to re-establish. There is a lot of emotional pain that goes into shutting down.

I know there are women who just aren't into sex, for whatever reasons. I don't understand that, have no frame of reference to do so. I did hear a report recently that the portion of the brain devoted to sexual response is much larger in males than in females, while in females the communication network is much more developed. I'm no brain specialist but I'd bet as they learn more it turns out that it isn't that women are any less sexual than men but that the process is different. Just as they've learned that memory is stored throughout the body and that the body reacts before the brain gets the signal, they'll find that male and female brains handle sexual signals and responses differently.

Perhaps some of the trouble women have with sexual turn downs is that we are conditioned to an attitude that at some level we are our bodies. We have been bombarded all our lives with messages that we have to look right, walk right, dress right, be sweet, to be really acceptable. Even if we try to disregard it, it's there at some level. That's one aspect, another is that when you guy types are young you are on it all the time. Didn't it appreciate it nearly enough in youth. A man who could get it up and going 4 or 5 times in a row on his own and a few more with a little ecouragement wasn't difficult to find at one stage of life. Gets us spoiled. Had a conversation with some gfs years ago about what a shock it was when at some point in our teens or early 20s when we realized that males did not have constant erections. Up to that point, if we'd been with a naked guy, he was hard. Honestly some men treat women as if their main value is in sex, getting conditioned that way and then getting turned down is tough - it hits hard because it says you have no value in that relationship.
Looks like we people can really misunderstand and mess each other up. You men on here have given me a lot to consider and I'll bet that's true for a lot of the women. It isn't often easy to get a really honest conversation about some of this with someone you are connected to. There is too much at stake and it's harder for both sides to keep their perspective.