Wife not intrested in SEX!!

**mmz15** · 12-09-2008 03:44 PM

We just have gotten married but we have dated for 7 years. She has never really been into sex and she really only does it to make me happy/ shut me up. I love her more then anything and the world and she also say the she loves me also. She is on the pill and has been since she was like 14 or so and she is 26 now. The reason she is on the pill because her time of the month is really really painful with the cramps so thats why she has been on the pill. I am just looking for some advice to try to get her in the mood and getting her to want to have sex and enjoy it instead of just doing it just to make me happy. She has been to the doctor and her Gyno says there is nothing wrong. I just think there has to be something to help.

She also complains that sex hurts when I am trying to get it in she says that my penis is crooked and that when I get it in its ok but I can tell that it hurts some. We also always use lube and it doesnt seem to help much. I also was looking if there is any help for that.

I have seen some people say that masterbatin might help but I am pretty sure she wouldnt go for that

**zeos133** · 12-09-2008 06:16 PM

I asked about getting my girlfriend to masturbate. You might read those threads. Its seems that generally if she's not already into it, you probably won't convince her to. If she's willing to explore there are lots of books and other resources on this. Again, read some of the other threads for this.

How crooked are we talking? What positions have you tried? You say she just has sex to shut you up. What do you do to get her in the mood? Any oral?

**zeos133** · 12-09-2008 06:25 PM

one other thing. Has she never gone off the pill in all these years? Correct me if I'm wrong, ladies, but I thought it was a good idea to take a break from it every couple years. Maybe she should try going off it and see if she still experiences the same kind of pain she did before.

**2morrow** · 12-10-2008 06:01 AM

First off I don't think its the pill. You can be on the pill throughout your reproductive life.If it minimizes the discomfort of her period, then I think she should stay on it.
Secondly, are you a good lover ? Husband or not, if you're not a good lover, no ifs ands or buts, it will not be pleasant for her, and after time, she will lose interest and not want to participate, that is just how it is.

**WildChild** · 12-10-2008 11:07 AM

We've covered a lot of this, you might want to go back and read some of the threads from the last couple months. For women arousal is an on going thing, it's as much or more a state of mind as body. We need lots of affection that doesn't have an expectation of sex attached. Kisses, caresses, lending a hand here and there, sincere compliments, a massage, shampoo her hair - without leading into sex. This helps her feel centered and valued and will make her more responsive to you. For sexual responsiveness she needs to learn to be 'in' her body.

**Phoebee** · 12-10-2008 11:20 AM

Ask her if she has every climaxed (reached Orgasm)? If not thats got to be your first concern.

Sex should never hurt. If she is not able to lubricate and you've tried lube you need to keep working on finding a lube that works. We use probe ALL the time. Like since we started dating and its just a required thing since I don't lubricate very well...
If you changed placed and sex hurt and you were not reaching orgasm I'm sure this would not be fun.

BC pills can really screw up a woman's sex drive. Her doctor should be willing to try a different way of dealing with her issues to see if that helps.

Good luck!

**JWB_pof** · 12-10-2008 03:19 PM

some women are into it and some arent. some meds can affect things such as sex. you say the dr says she is ok and nothing wrong, but yet did he try to subscribe another perscription of BC.
if she says it hurts and lube doesnt work, maybe be more gentle and let her be the one who is in control. let her be on top and let you in at her pace, and let her move you around in her instead of you moveing around in her. let her set the pace of fast or slow. give oral to her before and dont let her get to climax yet, just get her nice and wet. then again, let her have the control on top of you.

**caged_animal** · 12-13-2008 11:07 AM

You knew that she wasn't into sex when you were dating and you still married her so you must love her. Although it must be frustrating for you, you should probalby accept that she isn't into sex and should concerntrate more on being romantic (ie. wining and dinning) and then maybe the rest will follow.

**KatieAnne** · 12-16-2008 03:42 PM

Obviously it usually takes women a longer time to get aroused than men (sorry but its true lol). Why not try giving her a massage? Paying extra attention to her sacrum (the triangular area at the low back) will make her feel more in the mood (all your sexual energy comes from that area)..also for arousal in massage you could go very lightly over all her erogenous areas (the ear, the throat, the breasts, the area right below the belly button, the wrists, the ankles, and the inner elbows...and of course her genitals). this can be extremely arousing for most women

As far as the pain involved with sex, it sounds like she isn't wet enough (especially since she's finding it difficult to get aroused) try using astro glide lubricant (i don't know what you were using, but astro glide is a bit nicer than kay) and you may be thrusting too deep...try more shallow penetration...hope this helps!