How to open wifes hidden desires

bigblue · 12-31-2008, 09:10 PM

My wife and I are married with two kids. We only have sex probably 4x a month-when we do it is usually very good. My wife has no problem wearing dirty ligerie, watching an occasional porn, she'll masturbate in front of me and use a vibrator(rarely) There are things I would like to try that she won't do-I am trying to figure out ways to get her to try them. She used to say she would never masturbate or watch porn either. She likes when I cum on her but not in her face. How can I get her to try new things such as facials, anal sex, and to get her to be more expressive and open minded? I believe she is uncomfortable first with some things but if she tried them would come around to them. For instance, she'll masturbate in front of me if it is helping to get her to cum. Sometimes I feel like she'll do things if they are for her pleasure which I like but still seems a little selfish.

**WildChild** · 01-01-2009, 02:00 PM

She has to feel comfortable and safe with it. Sounds like she open to new things just not as quickly as you would like. I recently got a book I've found very interesting that she might enjoy, The Orgasm Loop. It's actually written for women who have trouble orgasming - not a problem for me or it sounds like for her - but it has a lot of good info for any woman (or man).

In-Need · 01-01-2009, 02:32 PM

This may sound a little pushy, but there's been times I've tried something new during a hot moment and it worked because they were less inhibited to the act. then the next time it was easier.

Of course this won't always work in all situations, but if you know when shes really connecting, which you probably do that's when I would at least say something. They are more in place to let it happen because it will seem more natural.
Been my experience anyways.

**WildChild** · 01-02-2009, 07:20 AM

That's not really being pushy, it's taking the window of opportunity when she is in her comfort zone. But if you are going any place you haven't gotten a ok on before or that she's said no to before, better get an ok first. We women can shut down fast if sudden yanked out of our comfort zone unless we are in a state where we are open to getting out of our box. There is a lot of trust in that.

JustAman · 01-02-2009, 07:49 AM

With my wife and I, a few stiff drinks always helps...lol. My wifes not huge into anal, but if she's had a few, it's in the bag...lol. So when we are planning on a long wild night of passion (when the kids are not home...lol), we lock ourselves in the room, get good and loopy, and it's amazing the things that happen :-)

BettyBoop · 01-02-2009, 08:28 AM

Don't you mean your hidden desires ?

The key to getting more sex is to make her want more sex from you.

If you ask her to do things that she doesn't want this could be the beginning of the end of your married life.

Push a dildo up your own anus and ask yourself honestly - does it feel pleasant ?

JustAman · 01-02-2009, 08:43 AM

My wife and I discuss and ask permission before we try anything.. but we have a very good relationship like that.. communication is the key. If one of us mentions something that we are not comfortable with.. we may start to try it, but if it doesn't feel "right", it's over.

And in response to bettyboops' last statement.. tried it, do it, it's pleasant...

**alicat** · 01-04-2009, 09:35 AM

Just remember no means no. However, a no to one thing might very well lead to a YES BABY YES!!!! in something else....just keep trying new stuff.

My husband is my 2nd sexual partner and let's just say my 1st wasn't very adventurous (boring actually). When we first became sexual he took me to his favorite "toy store" and let me wander about a bit...he respected my "I don't think so's" and we purchased a couple of "hmm, that looks interesting". Since then we've even tried a couple of the I don't think so's...

d9139ont · 02-26-2009, 10:02 AM

If you watch porn together then she woudl be open to some couples or instructional videos on different types of sex. Get a general DVD that talsk about a wide variety of things. Also try books of a similair nature. Sounds like she has opened up to some things so it is possible through DVDs and books to introduce other things she might become open to.

**Steph33** · 02-26-2009, 10:56 AM

About the only non-painful thing I don't like or want is my lover to cum on my face. I'll swallow him if he'd let me, but the facial thing is somehow gross to me. Fortunatly, the BF thinks it's degrading and doesn't want to do it. Sometimes he wants me to see him actually cum and releases on my stomach, chest, or on the outside of my p544y. He's thrilled that I watch him and it doesn't bother me at all since he cums so much when he asks for that.

Some things can take forever. Patience and understanding matter most. Never demand or expect. Never force. I've been waiting 3 years for my boyfriend to let me make him cum in my mouth. It will happen but see no reason to upset or push a boundry, they're different for everyone as well as why.

As long as no pain is involved, I can't think of a position we haven't tried or thing we haven't done. Some may have sprained muscles or not worked for us, but we tried !! Other than doing it on live TV we've probably done all of it anywhere you can think of as well.

Try a list of 10 things you want to try and let the OTHER person decide what might be OK. And be gentle with emotion. If your mate never had anal and you bore into her like a drill, it won't go well and she won't be back asking for more.

I'm sure there are things SHE wants you may not be thrilled about too (or bored). It goes BOTH ways.

12-31-2008, 09:10 PM	#1
bigblue Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 1	How to open wifes hidden desires My wife and I are married with two kids. We only have sex probably 4x a month-when we do it is usually very good. My wife has no problem wearing dirty ligerie, watching an occasional porn, she'll masturbate in front of me and use a vibrator(rarely) There are things I would like to try that she won't do-I am trying to figure out ways to get her to try them. She used to say she would never masturbate or watch porn either. She likes when I cum on her but not in her face. How can I get her to try new things such as facials, anal sex, and to get her to be more expressive and open minded? I believe she is uncomfortable first with some things but if she tried them would come around to them. For instance, she'll masturbate in front of me if it is helping to get her to cum. Sometimes I feel like she'll do things if they are for her pleasure which I like but still seems a little selfish.

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01-01-2009, 02:00 PM	#2
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,233 Blog Entries: 5	She has to feel comfortable and safe with it. Sounds like she open to new things just not as quickly as you would like. I recently got a book I've found very interesting that she might enjoy, The Orgasm Loop. It's actually written for women who have trouble orgasming - not a problem for me or it sounds like for her - but it has a lot of good info for any woman (or man).

01-01-2009, 02:32 PM	#3
In-Need Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 1,144	This may sound a little pushy, but there's been times I've tried something new during a hot moment and it worked because they were less inhibited to the act. then the next time it was easier. Of course this won't always work in all situations, but if you know when shes really connecting, which you probably do that's when I would at least say something. They are more in place to let it happen because it will seem more natural. Been my experience anyways.

01-02-2009, 07:20 AM	#4
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,233 Blog Entries: 5	That's not really being pushy, it's taking the window of opportunity when she is in her comfort zone. But if you are going any place you haven't gotten a ok on before or that she's said no to before, better get an ok first. We women can shut down fast if sudden yanked out of our comfort zone unless we are in a state where we are open to getting out of our box. There is a lot of trust in that.

01-02-2009, 07:49 AM	#5
JustAman Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Georgia, USA Posts: 29	With my wife and I, a few stiff drinks always helps...lol. My wifes not huge into anal, but if she's had a few, it's in the bag...lol. So when we are planning on a long wild night of passion (when the kids are not home...lol), we lock ourselves in the room, get good and loopy, and it's amazing the things that happen :-)

01-02-2009, 08:28 AM	#6
BettyBoop Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 20	Don't you mean your hidden desires ? The key to getting more sex is to make her want more sex from you. If you ask her to do things that she doesn't want this could be the beginning of the end of your married life. Push a dildo up your own anus and ask yourself honestly - does it feel pleasant ?

01-02-2009, 08:43 AM	#7
JustAman Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Georgia, USA Posts: 29	My wife and I discuss and ask permission before we try anything.. but we have a very good relationship like that.. communication is the key. If one of us mentions something that we are not comfortable with.. we may start to try it, but if it doesn't feel "right", it's over. And in response to bettyboops' last statement.. tried it, do it, it's pleasant...

01-04-2009, 09:35 AM	#8
alicat VIP Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 57	Just remember no means no. However, a no to one thing might very well lead to a YES BABY YES!!!! in something else....just keep trying new stuff. My husband is my 2nd sexual partner and let's just say my 1st wasn't very adventurous (boring actually). When we first became sexual he took me to his favorite "toy store" and let me wander about a bit...he respected my "I don't think so's" and we purchased a couple of "hmm, that looks interesting". Since then we've even tried a couple of the I don't think so's...

02-26-2009, 10:02 AM	#9
d9139ont Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 6	If you watch porn together then she woudl be open to some couples or instructional videos on different types of sex. Get a general DVD that talsk about a wide variety of things. Also try books of a similair nature. Sounds like she has opened up to some things so it is possible through DVDs and books to introduce other things she might become open to.

02-26-2009, 10:56 AM	#10
Steph33 Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 283	About the only non-painful thing I don't like or want is my lover to cum on my face. I'll swallow him if he'd let me, but the facial thing is somehow gross to me. Fortunatly, the BF thinks it's degrading and doesn't want to do it. Sometimes he wants me to see him actually cum and releases on my stomach, chest, or on the outside of my p544y. He's thrilled that I watch him and it doesn't bother me at all since he cums so much when he asks for that. Some things can take forever. Patience and understanding matter most. Never demand or expect. Never force. I've been waiting 3 years for my boyfriend to let me make him cum in my mouth. It will happen but see no reason to upset or push a boundry, they're different for everyone as well as why. As long as no pain is involved, I can't think of a position we haven't tried or thing we haven't done. Some may have sprained muscles or not worked for us, but we tried !! Other than doing it on live TV we've probably done all of it anywhere you can think of as well. Try a list of 10 things you want to try and let the OTHER person decide what might be OK. And be gentle with emotion. If your mate never had anal and you bore into her like a drill, it won't go well and she won't be back asking for more. I'm sure there are things SHE wants you may not be thrilled about too (or bored). It goes BOTH ways.