unexperianced and need alot of help!!

**cletwinch** · 01-01-2009 01:15 PM

So, i have been with this guy for a while....almost 2 1/2 years and every time we're about to go at it...something from my passed stops me. i was sexually active with 2 guys, and it wasnt my best experience so i need help on sex and on head and any other kinky things. I want to make this a good experance for him and me..

Also, he is very experienced and he wouldnt leave me cuz im not, i just dont want to look like an idiot when i go to do something!
..

So can someone teach me all there is to know about head, how to iniciate it or do it perfectly...
and sex... im so scared for the pain..is there any way or position to make it now hurt as bad?!

**SinisterUrge** · 01-01-2009 03:40 PM

Kept him waiting two and a half years?!? I'm impressed with you and disappointed with him. But anyway....

1. Buy or rent instruction DVDs for fellatio (and pick him up the cunnilingus version while you're at the store). I like the OSK Productions stuff, Nina Hartley ain't too bad either.

2. If you've been sexually active before there shouldn't be any pain (since your hymen is gone). Just relax and use some lube (over the condom).

**cletwinch** · 01-01-2009 07:09 PM

see, i guess i worded that.
i...kind of in a way had sex, but it did not go all the way in cuz i kept pushing off and saying no. So i am not sure if that really broke?
and then i have given head and been forced to give head so i am overly nervous for having sex with him because i want it to be special...and not be horrible?

**SinisterUrge** · 01-01-2009 07:16 PM

Originally Posted by cletwinch

So i am not sure if that really broke?

Well placed mirror and a penlight.

i want it to be special...and not be horrible?

See above: Suggestion # 1

**Little** · 01-01-2009 08:33 PM

As a woman, having sex for the first few times can be a very awkward thing. Most of us want it to be special, worth remembering, pretty, like we see in the movies ...
And most of us should do ourselves the favor of lightening the expectations. It makes it a much more enjoyable experience.
The hymen isn't the only reason sex hurts ... plenty of other things can cause it, too. But the best way you can avoid ALL pain, including that of stretching/breaking the hymen, is to relax. Take it easy, breathe deep, and if it hurts, slow down or stop for a while.
As far as oral, there are a ton of threads full of tips ... poke around for them. But for a quick starter: hold the shaft with your dominant hand (keep your balance/hold yourself up with the other, or play with his balls if you're stable

) and lick/suck/move your head above that. It keeps you in control, adds sensation, you can get a rhythm going easily ... and ask your boyfriend what he likes and for suggestions! He shouldn't fault you for not knowing if you're trying.
Good luck

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-02-2009 03:00 AM

something from my passed stops me.

Hun, let go of your past, they were jurks and you are hurt.......

This guy has been with you this long, he understands your hurt.

For some reason you can't? What tips?

You have got the tips from the posters above, but they won't work unless you realise this guy loves you obviously, he is patient...

Go slow with what you are learning and don't think of it as forced, this guy has never ever forced you, think of it as you are trying to... this guy you love and you want to let go.

Let go... Past needs to stay there, in the past...........

This is your present.

Ready for it? Go get it... It is different than your past it means something this time, enjoy.

CW

**Mme.Marie** · 01-03-2009 08:35 PM

I agree with everyone who has said to RELAX. Now my tip for you is this. Play 21 Questions.
If your guy masterbates , he has some idea what he likes. So ask. Its easier to do if you make it a game. You ask a question , he asks a question. The reason I say this , is because while sex is a physical act ... there are a lot of variations and you wont know what he likes unless you ask . Also ... you want to enjoy it too , so tell him what you like.

Other useful tips . Water based lube is always a good thing , places like Walmart , KMart , and even the grocery store will have some ( generally it is in "family planning" or "feminine needs" ) Spencers carries a decent one as well, although larger selections are available at X rated stores. Avoid doing things in cars or outside , its not comfortable . And dont be afraid to stop for a minute if you need to. This guy obviously cares about you and will want you to enjoy it.

And I dont think we can put links on here , but put "sexinfo101" into the usual www._ __.com brackets .Its a good site for beginners .

**sweatNsourLovE** · 01-03-2009 08:58 PM

if u have been with this guy for over 2 years and something from your past stops you from having sex with him, its probably because you dont want to have sex with HIM. u have never given him head or anything either? if your uncomfortable with the guy u r with, to be sexual with, then he isnt the rite 1!

**sweatNsourLovE** · 01-03-2009 09:00 PM

also if ur worried about the pain, practice with dildos that are about his size and make sure 2 use alot of lube, that way you can see which position ud like to try also

**vintage_butterfly** · 01-04-2009 02:51 AM

Women who have sex for the first time generally experience pain. The first few times according to my doctor maybe painful especially if your man is larger than average. My doctor suggested to me that I may not be moist enough. She suggested more foreplay and if need be as other suggested synthetic lubrication.

If you truly want to be with him and take this important step you need to relax. Use his experience to your benefit and let the past remain where it belongs. He obviously cares a lot about you. I know it's easy for the person on the other end to say stop being scared, but I have been in a similar situation and the best thing is to find a guy that'll take it slow and be understanding. Don't rush yourself, but also don't wait forever because of fear.

There also is the option of a therapist.

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