Thread: Any hints for dealing with sexual frustration?

Originally Posted by mrnicks24

This is kinda hilarious. I'm a man and have the same situation with my wife. We've been together for about 9 years married for 3. The past two years are just roll over bang me we're done sex. BORING! I can't take it.

And now just recently she started talking about having a baby! In my mind that = even less emotional connection time for us. But, I do want to have kids for sure, I just feel we should figure out this issue first.

The crazy thing is she doesn't see what I see at all. When I tell her how I feel she's always surprised. She thinks we have a good sex life. And then she says my labido is too high. Which it is but I would be happy with once a week and her just being more into it. I just feel like I'm the only one showing up. I just wanted to get that out and it feels kinda good to tell it to woman. good luck to you guys too.

Many people, men and women, do not understand the role of sex in a relationship. Some don't know the emotional impact of that rejection brings, they don't understand the impact of sex on bonding and feelings of love and acceptance. I only know from reading and observing and asking. I was surprised that sex had any emotional meaning at all for men. That is not the picture that pop culture advances.

In a way, many woman are socialized to the accept that sex means nothing to men and that they are sex crazed. It is difficult to understand how men who can completely separate sex from feeling can then couple it with love when he falls in love. There are many good books that explain the meaning and nature of sex in marriage, His needs Her needs is just one that comes to mind. Would your wife be willing to read with you? You could get a book on female sexuality and male sexuality and His needs her needs. If she really understood the emotional pain she causes you she would make more of an effort to make you feel loved. But she first has to reject the pop culture model of male sexuality as the end of the story.

Ok, I hate to duplicate responses in different threads but please do yourself a favor and have him get his testosterone checked!
See my recent post in the thread titled: Married and sexually frustrated...tried everything

Many times, this is the problem and its a very easy one to fix... I was put on test suppliments by my doc, and the difference is indredible!
Read up a bit on low-T and see if he fits the mold.

I'm in the same boat as a lot of you. I'm 23, been married to my 30 year old husband for 3 years. It started out great then started going south about 6 months after being married. Now, well, it's the point that I'm considering divorce or cheating on him. I'm a little freaked out by my thoughts. I've never thought of it before. It's just getting too hard to deal with.
We have sex maybe 3 times a month and when we do it's over in literally 3-5 minutes. I don't get the chance to try to have an orgasm. He comes so quickly, always says sorry afterwards but won't try to help me at all. I've begged to no avail. Masturbating doesn't help. Sure, I can have an orgasm or get off quickly but it's just not the same. I miss the intimacy with him, the connection and being close to him. I love him so much! I'm so tired of being depressed and rejected all the time.
I've tried to get him to go to a doctor. Won't hear of it. What seems weird to me is that when we do have sex it's pretty much always at the same time, on the same day, same position in the same room. The monotany is killing me! Anyone else hear of this?
After much pleading, begging and arguing and tears he finally told me that sex is messy. (He jerks off in the shower 3-4 times a week.) I've never heard a guy tell me that before. I'm not sure what to make of it.
Help! Anybody have any ideas? I'm desperate!

RedOne88: unfortunately sounds familiar (but with the genders reversed). 25 years for me and no solution. Maybe it really is best for both of you to end it so you can find people who are more compatible. I imagine you love him, but this will eat away at you and turn love to resentment.

I wish I knew a solution, but as far as I can tell, some percentage of people just have very little interest in sex.

The most common factor it seems to me is the "M" word. After people get married it goes to pot. Most should just save the hassle and not tie the knot. It nothing more then a piece of paper anymore. It just doesn't have the meaning it used to. Just my opinion.