Any hints for dealing with sexual frustration?

**LoveStoned09** · 01-03-2009 09:33 PM

Hello everyone. So here is my problem, I'm 24 years old and my boyfriend of almost 2 years is 33. In the last 3 months our sex life has been on a rapid decline, at this current moment in time we haven't had sex in a month. *It's important to note that prior to this we would have sex 4-5 times a week* I have always been a fan of sex, but with my current partner it has been simply amazing. Sex is a very intimate and emotional bonding experience between us (yes, I'm aware that sounds a little corny, but it's true). Well, with no warning it has just stopped. At first I would constantly ask for it, but the rejection quickly started to affect my self esteem. I tried to just wait it out, but I just became really y. I sat my boyfriend down and explained to him that us not having regular sex was beginning to really upset me and frustrate me and he empathized and said things would get better. He never, ever acknowledged a reason for his distance. Its not the orgasm I miss because I do masturbate, but i miss the sex between us. Things are getting pretty bad for me right now, I'm not used to going without like this. None of my other boyfriends have ever behaved in this way, but then again there wasn't such an age difference. If anyone has experienced this before or just has a suggestion that they think might help, I'd love to hear about it. I'm not sure what I can do about the actual "scarcity of sex", but if I could find a healthy way to manage my frustration I think I'd be a lot less depressed. Thanks!

**Phoebee** · 01-03-2009 09:46 PM

I went through this but Dh was already 40? Humm... 40 something. Anyway he went to his GP and she said he might be depressed. There was some talk of Therapy and Meds. She did some labs and found his Testosterone rather low. She put him on a drug called Androgel and wow... He reverted to the guy I married and not just in the sex department. All the "depression" symptoms were gone and he said life is 1000x better. You might want to have his Doctor check him out. Testosterone and Thyroid problems can cause sex drive issues. If not you might want to have him talk to a therapist.

Many mental health problems can cause this as well.

**rcoreyus** · 01-03-2009 11:00 PM

It isn't just age - lots of men in their 30s, 40, 50s 60s and older are still very interested in and enjoy sex. If he was having physical problems performing that could possibly be age related (though unlikely in his 30s), but this sounds like something else.

**WildChild** · 01-04-2009 07:22 AM

Do encourage him to get in and get checked, he is prime age for testicular cancer. And that can throw a spanner of major dimensions into your life. There could be number of causes, but start with the physical!

**Janessa83** · 07-18-2009 08:11 PM

and we just recently married...........

its so difficult and Im starting to feel like maybe i should divorce him............

**sextherapist** · 07-19-2009 09:26 AM

Have you spoken to him since the first time about it? He said things would get better but I've also been in a similar situation before. What I did was spice things up a little. For example we were always doing it at the end of the night, before we fell asleep in bed. So, I started coming on to him in the kitchen, or during the mid afternoon on the couch on the weekend, or in the car like you're 16 again... you know - switch it up. Men need excitement in their lives as they really get off on feeling like a "bad" boy. Make him feel like a bad boy - do it in a public place! :-) You could also try some sort of sex toys too... Do you think he would like that?

**jessmarie** · 07-29-2009 11:26 PM

I understand those feelings. I've been with him almost 10 years now, 4 kids, and a wonderful life. Great family and all the nine yards. Don't get me wrong, we do fight from time to time, but over the years we've grown and started handling issues like adults. We grew but then again we didn't. Our sex life has lacked over the past 3-4 years. I would buy toys, creams, lotions, games, clothes, just about anything for him,..for us. It was out of love and compassion. Now you know ladies, when we love a man from the bottom of our soul and then sex happens,...oh wow it rocks. It feels good in all your senses and life is grand. So what happened? Arguements over the years, blaming, crying, feeling like I was ugly and gross. My self esteem has taken a beaten. I'm drained from this. The weird thing about this whole issue is that he's usually lasts about 3 min or so. Doesn't really try to make himself last any longer or even whack off before hand. No helping me out afterwards either. He gets his and that's it. He does apolgize and says that he'll try. But no progress. That is what boogles my mind. It seems to me like pure selfness. But what do you do when you've tried to address the issue in a calm loving manner? I'm so confused and I'm tired.

**WildChild** · 07-30-2009 10:20 PM

Some men will listen and some just don't seem to give a hoot. You'd think that if he loves you he'd make the effort to pleasure you but it just doesn't always work that way. Start with a physical and full bood panel, what are his hormone levels doing? Tell the doc that the man has no libido.

**mrnicks24** · 12-03-2009 08:07 AM

This is kinda hilarious. I'm a man and have the same situation with my wife. We've been together for about 9 years married for 3. The past two years are just roll over bang me we're done sex. BORING! I can't take it.

We've talked about this and she says she'll try to be a little more into it but she never comes around. And I've done all the things you're suppose to do "supposedly" . Like I do my fair share of house work, add romance, be extra extra sweet. But, it's like she doesn't even see it, or notice at all. We will have sex, only If I intiate and do all the work. To get her on top starts an argument, and I don't even feel the mood after that.

Also, word to the wise getting a blowjob isn't really that enjoyable if you have to fight to get one. She used to wake me up to have sex back in the day now I just don't get it. I even work out and I think look good, and It almost seems like it turns her off. She gets mad when her friends or my friends wives tell her I'm "hot". And now just recently she started talking about having a baby! In my mind that = even less emotional connection time for us. But, I do want to have kids for sure, I just feel we should figure out this issue first.

The crazy thing is she doesn't see what I see at all. When I tell her how I feel she's always surprised. She thinks we have a good sex life. And then she says my labido is too high. Which it is but I would be happy with once a week and her just being more into it. I just feel like I'm the only one showing up. I just wanted to get that out and it feels kinda good to tell it to woman. good luck to you guys too.

**StillLearnin** · 12-03-2009 01:37 PM

How to deal with it: communicate your frustration. And if your SO won't listen, make them listen to the issues. Make sure they HEAR you and you aren't just in lecture mode.

A little frustration is fine and normal. But letting sexual frustration go on for years isn't healthy for your or your relationship.

Used to be, whenever I was sexually frustrated and I showed it, I was told to grow up and get over it.