I am 42 y/o and in a new relationship (8 months). Since I was in my late 30's I started wanting sex more and more. So labito (spelling?) isn't an issue. But I don't have an orgasm during sex only with oral. My boyfriend works very hard at it and it's important to him that i am satisfied. It seems to me he's doing everything right. And I'm ashamed to say i sort of "fake it". I have never done this in my life but i don't want him to think he's the problem because I don't think he is. I'm head over heals in love with him and I'm VERY attracted to him.
Any suggestions?
I was considering trying one of those creams or pills that increase sensitivity. Any one out there use them?
If you haven't you may just not be ableto orgasm during intercourse (ALOT of women are like that..its nothing wrong with you or your partner)
Have you tried you being on top? usually when the women is in control of the depth and rhythm she is more capable of orgasm (I used to only be able to in that position)
Have you tried receiving oral until you almost orgasm and then switch to intercourse?
just a tip, but try not to fake it...i know we all have felt like doing that at times, but neither you nor your partner are going to gain anything from that. You seem to be in a really happy relationship..talk to your partner about it...don't feel like ORGASM needs to be your ultimate goal or that its taking to long so you need to fake it.. just a thought
is it true that most women dont have an orgasm during sex? My girlfriend cant have one when we are having intercourse but she can get them while i do oral on her or use my fingers...
She has a lot of little orgasms during sex but not the big ones like i give her when i do oral. I am also curious to know how i could help my girlfriend have orgasms during intercourse.
I originally thought the longer i lasted that maybe she would have one, but after 45 minutes we both got too tired... So that was my first mistake. lol
It is true that quite a few women don't orgasm with intercourse or may only do so in certain positions. The vagina doesn't have many nerves and when you think about it, it makes sense - childbirth would be really tough if it did. Some of us may have a slightly different build and do. As long as she orgasms it shouldn't really matter when or through what process. Even when a woman doesn't cum with intercourse it still feels good (my opinion) I'm one of the fortunate ones it works for.
Two books that may help are, Extended Massive Orgasm and The Orgasm Loop. A lot of women probably could cum but just aren't 'connected' to it.
I agree faking it is a bad idea, it creates false expectations and prevents honest communication. It's better to know what really works than think something does when it doesn't.
Men have a multi purpose tool, women are fortunate to have a clit with no purpose other than pleasure. Need to learn to get the most from it, it's a life long learning process!
Thanks so much for all the replies. I didn't realize most women don't have orgasms during sex. I have to admit I have alot to learn in this area. I spent the last 20 years married to someone I couldn't stand and sometimes going a year without having sex at all.(that's a totally other issue) But now I am enjoying this so much....2 to 3 times a week isn't enough...LOL! I agree with all of you that said faking it isn't the answer. And we have a much better relationship then for me to do that.
I was just concerned because I have had orgasms during sex before(with others) and wasn't sure if it an anatomy thing of maybe it's just something I need to work on. As one of you said get "tuned into". I will try the books suggested too. For now I will settle with what I've got....WHICH IT WONDERFUL...even without the orgasm.
and style rock.......(stacking vaginal, clitoral and anal orgasms on top of each other at same time = priceless) ......i hope to get to this point!
thanks again!!
When you are masturbating, pay attention to what it takes to make you orgasm - we do it mindlessly sometimes and just make ourselves feel good.
But pay attention and show him, if your comfortable. If you are only using external techniques when you masturbate - and only orgasm from clitoral stimulation alone - it will be the same during sex.
I quit masturbating with a vibrator a long time ago, men can't recreate a vibrating sensation that I am aware of so I found it best to not get my body use to needing that heavy of stimulation. I also began masturbating with minimal clitoral stimulation, just occasional brushes with my hand very similiar to the body contact it has during sex. Exploring having orgasms on your own this way may make it easier to do during sex.
If you find you need heavy clitoral stim and you want to have an orgasm while he is in you - rub yourself during sex , you can do so from almost any position. Also you could have him perform oral on you and stop him when you are close to orgasm and get him inside of you right away.
thanks for the great advise. what you said makes total sense.
yes i can show him what make me feel good. i am finally at the point after my crappy marriage where i can totally trust someone and feel comfortable. oh course a glass or 2 of wine helps...LOL
i agree about the vibrator. i don't use one either and my boyfriend wanted to buy me one. but i'd rather not start.
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help...can't have the BIG O during sex.
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