Thread: HPV and talking to boyfriend.

Originally Posted by Jettpack

So... I told him. I thought he would be able to talk to me like an adult but i guess not...
He asked if I've had it checked yet, i said I'm having it done on wednesday. He told me I shouldn't have said anything at all to him unless i was 100% sure and I told him I couldn't just have this going on in my head and deal with this alone for the next 3 days and then have her tell me i had it and have to drop the bomb on him, i wanted to prepare him and have his support. He said "well thanks for telling me" and got up and left the room, i asked why he was walking away from me and he said "you shouldn't have said anything to me unless you were positive about this" and walked out and left...

HI there! I've read everything you've written and what the other girls did, as well. You should know something very important about HPV. You could have got it a long time before even knowing about its existence.... as it manifests itself mainly when your immunity shield breaks down. HPV isn't necessarily an STD!!!!! There are so many ways to get it! Not only sexually. I know many things about HPV as I had to make all the examinations available in order to find out if I had it or not. And thank God, I don't have this virus. There are a series of analisis to be done.. a Pap, unfortunately isn't enough. I had my first shot of anti HPV vaccine 2 months ago and in February I'll have the second out of three. Even if I had HPV I would have gotten the vaccine... the latest studies show that this vaccine helps the body to defend himself even if HPV is present. It helps but it doesn't cure, of course. So please don't freak out as it isn't the end of days! OK? I really understand what you're going through.

When it comes to your boyfriend, I'm sorry he was so insensitive... I'll take a wild guess he hasn't yet grown up as you whished to. I talked to my boyfriend from day one about this potential threat and he was really supportive and he tried to encourage me with every occasion he got. I was more scared of the examination's outcome than of what he might think.... I had better expectation from him as we're together for 4 years now. Nevertheless, he was a real gentleman and he really wanted to know everything about this and if I turned out HPV positive.... he would have wanted to talk directly to my doctor in order to get all the information I couldn't have provided him.

There might be one more aspect about yourself, you should consider.... you admitted to yourself first, that you were reluctant telling your boyfriend about your worries.... you should ask yourself why were you reluctant in the first place?? Maybe because you knew already deep inside that he might react this way.... this means you already know him and your feelings about him determin you instead, to discard the truth... that maybe you in the first place are not satisfied with his way of thinking. I'm just saying, ok? Maybe I'm not right.

Cheer up..... and I don't want to get you upset, but it's better you found out earlier about his shallow feelings toward you... than later.. when your relationship would have developped to some extend.

I wish you all the best.

It was so hard to talk to him about all this because i knew what his reaction was going to be. I knew he would freak out, mainly because I know he's not educated about HPV. For a while he believed since he got tested it ment he was totally clean, so it was a shock to him when I told him there's no test for men. I understand his reaction but I do wish he would have been more supportive.
I did just get back from the doctor, it did come out positive. She said that more then likely he was a carrier with no symptoms, and I got it from him... honestly the chances of me already having it are slimmer. He's the 4th person I've been with, the only person I've not used condoms with (which i know arent super effective against HPV) and he has a bad past. He was involved in drugs when he was in his late teens, early 20s, and has a very good amount of sex partners... so many i was actually shocked when he told me the number. I did get a full STD test and the rest came out fine. The larger bump I have was a cyst that hemmoraged and is now a blood blister. I have to use a cream for 2 weeks, then go in and get the rest burned off and the blister drained. Happy birthday to me!!! (it's tomorrow)
I'm not really freaked out. I've done my research on low risk HPV and at least it's not something worse. I'm having him over tonight to give him the news and answer any questions he has.
Thank you to everyone that replied, it did help alot I appreciate it!

ONe of the questions he asked me was if we have sex while I'm having an outbreak, will it increase his risk of having an outbreak even though we have the same strand... I dont know the answer to this. I would assume it didn't but I want to make sure. I dont think I would anyway, not till their gone, that seems like it may be a little embarrassing

Hey Jett... sorry to hear you have it, but I also do. I too have only slept with 4 people, and developed HPV symptoms while dating my boyfriend of 2 years(at the time). I had had regular paps done and they dont test for HPV unless you ask, or you have obvious symptoms like warts. So everytime I came up clean, until I noticed warts and went to the doc right away. At first I thought that my boyfriend must have given them to me...then after going to the doctor, she informed me that this isnt necessarily so. She said she had a patient that had been married for 10 years before she developed symptoms to the disease! Both partners were accusing the other of cheating until the doctor told them that it can be dormant for many years in one or both partners...And HPV doesnt mean you are dirty, or had a promiscuous past at all. 1/4 women have them...its so common, and there are so many strains. A woman is a lot more likely to show symptoms than a man is...so chances are, he wont have a break out from having sex with you...My boyfriend, now my husband never had any signs of them, and I never once blamed him of giving them to me, or blamed myself. Its really impossible to say because it is passed with or without condoms, and it doesnt matter if you have had one or 100 partners. The good thinng is, is that after having them removed, they arent likely to come back, even though you will carry the virus forever. If you are embarrassed to have sex, then I would wait to have them removed and healed up. My boyfriend didnt mind, and we did it anyways... but if he is nervous, it might just be best to wait... Its not likely he will have a breakout, but they spread on your own body pretty fast, so it is possible...I hope that helps...

I'm glad you have your answers now and can have some relief from some of the worry. I had a friend who got warts, years ago, and tested positive for HPV. She had the same procedure done that you will, and has never experienced an outbreak since. She's now married and has a beautiful child.

You should ask your doctor about having sex while having an outbreak.

I wouldn't think it would be very enjoyable, considering you have at least one open wound.

Best of luck to you, and hope the BF handles it all well.