Thread: HPV and talking to boyfriend.

My boyfriend and i have been together over year, and we were both clean when we met.. at least as far as he could tell, there's no HPV test for men so he wouldn't know if he had it or not..
anyway, we got back from christmas break and spent a couple days together, on Jan. 3 I noticed I had what I think is a Bartholin Cyst, but it doesn't hurt, the size of a dime, and is purple or black (not super black) , i've been checking it everyday since just to make sure it's not infected and what not. I noticed a couple red bumps on my Perineum. Well today I checked and it looks like two raised bumps next to each other on the edge of my perineum by my vagina...I dont know if I'm just being really paranoid but i'm kinda freaking out that it might be warts. Nothing hurts, or itches, or burns. It's just there. And if it is then he's either never had symptoms so didn't know he had it to tell me, or he cheated on me which would be awful. we had sex today so I wasn't sure if it was inflammation or what but it didn't look normal...
I'm going to the doctor on the 21st to get the cyst checked and get tested...
if it comes back as warts I dont even know how i would talk to him about it. How i would be able to explain to him what HPV actually is, and I dont know how to tell him I got it from him... any advice?

I think its important you have good comunication between you and your partner. If he is cheating then you definatly need to confront him about this and let him know that he is carrying something and needs to get it checked also. You just need to be honest with him. Also wait untill you get the results from your doctor. Might not be anything to do with him but if it is, be firm and strong. But depends on your relationship and how confident you feel with someone. I personaly, even just knowing I might have got something, would have told him about it strait away and see his reply and his thoughts on it.

If I thought I had "something",I certainly wouldn't be having sex.....even with him. If you're in a relationship and you're comfortable enough to have sex,then you have to be grown up enough to talk about what goes along with it. If it were me, I'd have already talked to him about it.....let him know my concerns, and let him know Im getting tested and that if there's anything he needs to tell me, nows the time to do it. But that's just me.

I really doubt he cheated, but I dont want to be closed minded about it and completely rule out the possibilty.
The only reason I haven't mentioned anything to him yet, is because I'm not sure if I'm just being paranoid. I didn't want to open up that can of worms until I was sure about it. We are very open and honest with each other, I just really rather not have the conversation if it may just be all in my head.

So much for getting help I guess.
I'm trying to figure out if it could have taken me almost a year to contract it from him, or if he would have had to sleep with someone else, then give it to me since I didn't test positive for it 5 months ago.. but we've been together for 13 months.
I guess I'm talkin to him about it tonight, for my own piece of mind, no use freaking out for the next 3 days on how I'm going to tell him. I'm not really sure how to start the conversation and i really hope he's understanding and doesn't get defensive. he's always taken pride in the fact that he always gets tested and has never had and STD and now I'm going to tell him "hey you might have warts and you might have given it to me"

ugh.

You don't have to accuse him, nor indicate you have something and may've gotten it from him. First, you don't know if you truly have an STD. Second, there are a lot of factors here that are missing that anyone would need to know in order to truly help you. i.e. you've been together 13 months, how long have you been having sex? how long before him was your last sexual partner? What made you get tested for STD's 5 months ago? Has he not noticed these bumps during intercourse with you?
IF you have HPV, it will show up on a Pap smear. When the pap comes back abnormal, the doctor will test it for HPV. If you tested negative 5 mths ago, then unless he has been exposed to HPV since then, then no, I'm quite certain it wouldn't have taken you a year to contract it.

Good luck....
If it were me, I'd just be honest with him and tell him what you're experiencing. Tell him you don't know what it is, but are going to the doctor to get it checked out. Tell him you're worried. And then when he asks you if you've cheated, let him know that it couldn't possibly be an STD because you've not slept with ANYONE else but him. Then, see his reaction. Be open with him, get it off your chest.

I have been having sex with him the entire 13 months. Before him I hadn't had sex for about a year and a half because i refuse to do the whole.. hook up thing. I feel safer being in a monogamous relationship. The reason I got tested 5 months ago was a follow up from an abnormal pap i had a couple years ago which thankfully was clear.

Well then I think you should take a deep breath...and try to relax about this until you can figure something out. Don't accuse him of cheating.....because right now you have no grounds to. Talking to him about what's going on with you is another story...and I think you should.