BF orgasms too fast

**lpkdz** · 01-18-2009 09:27 AM

Hi all!
So I'm having a problem, and I need some serious advice about it. My boyfriend of 2 years is pretty much the best thing that has ever happened to me! He's amazing, and we will likely get married sometime in the near future. The only problem is that he orgasms so fast! I don't think we have ever made it for more than 5 minutes of actual penetration before he can't hold it in any longer. Luckily, he is very skilled in other areas and can kind of make up for it. When we first started dating, I just assumed that it was because we were a new relationship and that it would get better with time. It hasn't, and I'm beginning to worry it won't. It's still good because of all of the foreplay and his skills in other departments, but I'm beginning to feel extremely unsatisfied. We have been together for 2 years, and I haven't done more than 3 sexual positions. Worst of all, my ex whom I dated for 3 years, had a voracious sex drive and we matched well sexually. While I do enjoy head, I would rather have 30 minutes of solid intercourse than head any day- no matter how good the guy is. Lately I have been fanatasizing a lot about my ex. I would never cheat, but I feel like a cheater for even thinking about someone else! I am a pretty sexual person, and I feel like sex is an important part of a partnership. My boyfriend is beginning to feel more like my best friend and less like a partner because he just isn't that sexually appealing under the current circumstances. I don't want to make or break our relationship with sex, but I feel like this problem is changing how I look at him.

Here is a brief health history on my boyfriend:
He is 32 and has had plenty of sexual experience in the past. He is an avid rock climber, is a vegetarian, and takes very good care of himself. He was in a pretty massive car accident 12 years ago that did some damage to his intestines. He was hositalized for 3 monthes, but has made a full recovery and has few if any known side effects from the accident.

My friends tell me I should talk to him about this, but how in the world am I supposed to do that?? I am sure that it would destroy his self esteem and make him very self concious about how long he lasts. He knows all of the best tricks to deal with it: like having intercourse for a minute and then taking a break and going down on me or something else, he doesn't penetrate very deep or thrust hard so that he can last longer (much to my dismay), and we stick to a few positions. I know that I would be so embarrased and self concious if someone told me I wasn't satisfying in bed. Especially if it was because of something I didn't have any control over. What can I do?? Please help..

**WildChild** · 01-18-2009 09:34 AM

The men here could probably offer some advice on what he can do to hold off longer. I understand that doing kegels (male type) can help. 5 mins isn't that bad, my kid's dad actually chose to become a premature ejaculator, he saw no reason to last longer as he said it didn't affect his pleasure, there we're talking 5 seconds. Needless to say he got cut off in short order.

Look at what you or the two of you can do to get you to cum or close to it before intercourse. Using a condom would probably help him last longer too. I think I read some place that 7 mins was average, so you aren't far off.

**lpkdz** · 01-18-2009 09:54 AM

Really?? 7 minutes?? I guess that's not bad when you include all of the other stuff that goes along with it. Most of my previous boyfriends could hold out for at least 10 minutes, if not more once we had been dating for a couple of monthes. There is definitly a lack of intensity though. 5 minutes would be a great day for him, it's usually significantly less. He is always very eager to please. That's why I'm so concerned about talking to him about it. He is a very selfless lover, which makes him great overall. But this inability to even thrust much makes my favorite part of intercourse unsatisfying.

I have heard people recommend condoms. Any suggestions on how to present that? I've been on birth control since we started dating, and so am not entirely sure how to say "Hey, why don't we use condoms for a while!"

I feel really guilty for even complaining, but these ex fanatasies have got to stop.

**lpkdz** · 01-18-2009 09:58 AM

I guess it's a little hard for me, because I have never dated anyone who had to work so much at "holding off". It's not very fun when the whole session is spent trying to hold it in. I prefer fun and romantic sex, and it just can't happen when the guy is turning purple trying to keep from orgasming within a few thrusts. There is know room to explore and really enjoy eachother, not to mention a big turnoff that a guy has so little control. I know it's not his fault, but it feels like I'm dating an over excited 16 year old sometimes.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 01-18-2009 01:35 PM

Sooooo frustrating when you get all ready and your body is all excited for intercourse and then bam...it's over. I think what guys don't understand that for us, it is the equivalent of "blue balls"
Now, if you're lucky, then he's the type of guy that can "recover" quickly and perhaps remain erect, or get erect again shortly after orgasm. Alot of guys need an hour or so to be able to get erect again. I was with one guy that could cum and remain hard and keep going and going and going. Nice.
Have you tried that? After he cums, just keep going.. If he stays erect, WHOO HOOOO!!! If not, give it a few minutes and try again, the second time around he should last longer for sure. Sounds like he loves you, and he can't help if that you're just so darn hot he can't contain himself.

Gotta work around it without trying to make a huge issue of it. Guys are very sensitive about those things.

**Angelic** · 01-18-2009 01:39 PM

Something to consider - Maybe he cums at just the right time? It's a place to start anyway!

**lpkdz** · 01-18-2009 01:41 PM

Thanks for the post!
He can't start up again for at least an hour- if not more after the big bang. He does love me very much, and it's that sensitivity about this issue that is causing me so much grief. Something has to change, because I honestly don't know if I can still keep the romance alive without a good romatic life. You know what I mean?

Like I said, I'm a pretty sexual girl, and have never had a problem on the guy end. This whole thing really kind of bursts my bubble.

**lpkdz** · 01-18-2009 01:44 PM

Angelic: I'm not really sure what you mean?

I think that the amount of time it takes a guy to orgasm is all relative. If you're a girl with a low libido or who really likes head, then 5 minutes is probably just about right. At the same time, maybe a guy that takes an hour is right for the sexathon type of gals.

His length of time is not right for me.

**WildChild** · 01-18-2009 05:44 PM

She's talking about being accepting of who he is and where he is, which sounds like what you have been doing. Sometimes things do have to be worked on, the men aren't always right where they need to be.

**lpkdz** · 01-18-2009 06:51 PM

I want to be understanding of him and his situation. Maybe I'm too selfish? I love him, but I don't think I could live this way for the rest of my life. In previous relationships, when things start to get dull it was the new things in our sex life that kept our relationship interesting. We have been dating long enough that day to day is pretty bland, but our sex life isn't good either. It's a crappy situation.

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