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There probably aren't any more happily married women than there are happily married men.
There probably aren't any more happily married women than there are happily married men.
Define happy
I think all of these answers are appropriate. I wanted to see what people would say, as I am a victim of "the happily married man" Oddly enough, my husband and I were truly happy with each other. There was no lack of sex, our 2nd child was 8 months old when he did it and I had lost all the baby weight plus some, I looked better than I did when we got married.
My husband suffers from clinical depression and severely high anxiety. He has been the guinea pig poster child for every pill on the market since we met. Nothing ever works longer than 6 months and then we go through yet another Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde episode. This particular year, our daughter was 3 and mean as cat . I thought she was bi-polar. She would scream at me over everything. My husband worked every day and didn't know what to do when he got home and witnessed her strokes of demonic possessions. I tried everything to please her and everything was wrong. He would put his computer ear phones on and tune us out with an on line game. His behavior towards me never changed. His best friend died of an asthma attack, this was seemingly the straw that broke the camels back so to speak.
All of these things compiled and he turned to a co-worker. He still came home and treated me like he always had, like the loving husband he had always been. The whole incident really threw me for a loop. It has been 4 years since he did it. I have left, returned, we have gone to counseling, I am finally beginning to forgive him. I think every ones experience is different, and everyone's reasons will be similar or completely opposite. I don't believe we'll ever know why men or women who claim to be happy cheat. They may be happy with their partner, but not with their own situation. Either way it destroys the person it is done to for a very long time.
Because they can..... and it strokes their egos. JMHO.
Because phyiscial monogamy isn't natural.
Because for men sex and love can (and usually are) two completely separate things so if he's not getting as much as he wants, or the sort he wants, he will get it elsewhere and still be in love with his wife.
Because no one but the person concerned can really say he is 'happy'. You don't know what's going on in the depths of his mind. OUtward appearances (and even what they may say to their spouse) can so often be deceiving.
More cheating goes on (by men and women) than anyone would imagine so the answer is dependent on individual circumstances/beliefs/personality.
I'd say there are plenty of women out there who can separate sex and love and have an affair just because they want more/better sex and not feel guilty about it. I don't think it's just the men who can be 'pigs' in this department.Originally Posted by LilahX
That's correct.
I don't know any married people, either men or women, who would 100% mean they are happily married, even if they would state so. There is always room for improvement, either regarding themselves or their partner, and as soon as another person comes along who can make an improvement in such an area then they might consider cheating. The problem appears when they rather cheat, for their own reasons who vary in each case, than solve the problem with their partner.
Many couples make it through cheating and unlike common views it is something that can be dealt with without harming a marriage. When a marriage falls apart it is the result of more than cheating. The same can go for cheating: it can happen even if there are no serious issues in marriage.
This is coming from someone who has never cheated on a soul, in the many realtionships I have been in. I don't see the freakin point. It takes so much energy to hide and lie, and live with it than it's worth to me. If I want someone else so bad, I leave the one I'm with. Simple as that. I don't believe in marraige at all. I don't see why you need it to be committed to someone. On another note, if you can get through an affair, and forgive, and it doesn't happen again, why should it have happened in the first place? I hear of couples getting through affairs, but I don'tget it.
A (mature)man that truly loves his partner, and is getting regular sex, will rarely risk losing that relationship over a few minutes of sexual pleasure wth another woman.
More often it is either because he's a jerk, or that his partner simply cannot be bothered to have sex with him anymore!
Sigh. I cheated once. One of my biggest reasons was wanting to feel alive again, as I felt that I had settled into a stifling, unchanging relationship, and I was worried that my life would be thrown away. I'm sure that plenty of people have very similar feelings, married or not....
If you could point me to a credible source that provides evidence toward that statement, I would be extremely interested in seeing it.
Because I've often heard statements like that thrown around with no facts to actually support them, which is a shame because hearing something like that can really deflate a person.
We can look in nature and see SOME animals mate with multiple partners in life, and others sticking to just one. Is there evidence to support one or the other in humans? Surely we can't assume something about our species by picking and choosing the behaviors of others... right?
People cheat for one main reason that I can figure: selfishness. They could very easily NOT cheat, even if they have sex with other people... all it takes is being honest to the person they are committed to " I want to have sex with someone else". Then their partner has the choice of staying with them, having an open relationship... or leaving to be with someone that wants to be monogomous.
Someone that is selfish, cannot imagine that scenerio because they are unwilling to give up what they have, while still seeking something else. They don't want an open relationship because they want their partner faithful to them. They don't want to face the possibility of losing someone that loves them... and what happens if the grass isn't really greener and their committed partner won't take them back? No no,, must have cake... must eat it too.
There are millions of EXPLAINATIONS as for why someone would cheat: feeling sexually neglected, feeling bored, feeling lonely, feeling like they are missing something, etc etc so on and so on... but I feel like it all comes down to: I want my cake, pristine and untouched and waiting for me... and I want to eat it, I want to stomp on it, I wanna roll around in it and I want it to be right there exactly as it was when I'm done.
Last edited by Hopeless Dork; 06-08-2010 at 03:04 AM.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
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