Thread: Need help.. no sexual relationship with my man anymore

hello
i think we uild up a picture in our heads what sex will be like the first time, and otfen its very disappointng and nothing like you expected. try talking to him about how you feel and start with just kissing, romanitc meal movies etc and build up slowly see if that helps

Originally Posted by withered_rose

Mellybean, I think that there are so many things going on here with both of you. You are concerned for your health especially with being on the pill, and he may feel so inadequate about his performance with you to the point of where he is ready to give up. but when you try to make a move are his comments snide remarks? I mean yeah it has been a while for you guys but it doesnt mean that you aren't willing to give it a go. And as for the massage idea from beautiful disaster you dont have to give him a massage with all the lights on, light a few candles so you have atleast a little light to see by, sometimes making love by candle light is even more amazing because of the shadows but any way, try with the massage, its a great way to get things started.... and as far as sex being gross that's what it is, its dirty its nasty but its all around satisfying and fun, and just take a shower afterwards if you feel horribly gross. As for not having an orgasm from penetration there are many women that are not able to have that, I happen to be one of them on occasion, there are times when I just can't that way, it happens. To me it sounds like there is too much going on and all you need to do is just relax and enjoy the intimacy between you two. I would also say kind of re-start your sex life, start with just little caresses when he kisses you, kiss him back but passionately, start over with what got you wanting to have sex in the first place.

Just to clear it up, it isnt me who thinks sex is oh so gross.. its him. I think it is stuck in his head that if I dont orgasm during sex that he failed which I know is not true.. I imagine that isnt a problem for you, but how would you suggest getting him past that? What kind of things should I do before or after to make it okay to him?

Originally Posted by WildChild

Oh Dear, Oh dear, Oh dear.
(I'm in an odd mood -Crone talk time)
You've both got some really negative self talk going on here. No wonder you are having problems. Here's my first reaction:

WHAT!!! Disgusting? How would he think it would be without all the "juices and stuff"?! That the good part. Without it nothing is happening. And you don't like his smell, taste or feel. The two of you have really got some stuff to work through. Sex is not dirty, not disgusting, not nasty, not gross, Not Unless You Think It Is.

Having taken a deep breath and calmed down...
(peaceful tinkling music)
Sex is a completely natural and wonderful thing that should bring you closer together and make you feel good! Part of arousal is scent, getting all those pheromones from each other. Letting your tongues play all over each other's bodies. If you don't get good and juicy, it's going to hurt like heck - if he can even enter you.

You do masterbate, that's good. Do you orgasm? If so that really good too. Does he masterbate? Or will he even admit if he does? A man who won't let you see his body because he's gained weight

Actually, wait a minute. (stop the background music) Get him in for a complete physical, ASAP. Not to be alarming but he's in the prime age group for testicular cancer, a drop in his testosterone levels would account for lessened libido and for weight gain as well as irritablity, low energy, depression, a host of things. There are a number of things that could caused a drop in his testosterone, why not just make sure this isn't at least in part a physical problem? (I dealt with this with my ex - its' no picnic but treatment beats the alternative)

(tinklely music can resume)
In the meantime why not get ahold of a few books, reading is so good for you. I'd suggest, The Orgasm Loop, Going Down, The New Tantra and at Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts. The first three will give you some education and tips that will serve you in good stead now and all your life, and Mama Gena will give you a good dose of positive thinking about being juicy and loving your sexuality.

You wouldn't be on here asking if you didn't want to have a good and fullfilling sex life and hey, you can have that all your adult life. You're on the right track, seeking information and understanding, just keep after it.

Thanks for the entertaining advice haha.. like I said in the reply before this, my bf is the one who thinks sex is gross, not me! And yes he does masturbate, he is pretty open about it and all.. as i've watched him before. funny you mention the doctor thing, it's a long story but I'll condense it. Over a year ago his balls starting hurting him and to this day it has not gone away. He's been to a ton of doctors, proctologists, urologists and to no avail he was diagnosed with "chronic nonbacterial prostititus" which pretty much means there is nothing at all that can be done about it.. the dr's cannot figure out why he is hurting. This is probably another reason we stopped in the first place, I should have added this at the beginning but I didnt even think of it. He has taken up smoking herb lately which is the only thing that relieves his pain it seems so it is a little less irritating than it used to be.