Thread: DH "needs" porn. Does he?

Hi What you have described is so similar to me, the only difference is there is no sex in our relationship as he says he cant, or is it wont as he needs these transexuals. hes on transvestite sites every day and looking in papers. If we had sex once in a while it wouldnt be so bad but when he wont and the goes on to either tv porn or websites of trannies when im in bed it really hurts.

Porn is a problem because it's invaded the internet and can be found for free. I admit being a tad (slight) paranoid about it even though my BF thinks it's degrading for the women involved and assumes they were abused or are on drugs in most cases. But the general opinion of any women I know if that's it cheating. I get a horrid case of flu every January like clock work and am in and out of the bathroom and a total b$#% for 10 days despite an annual flu shot. And I'm obviously in no mood or ability for the sex that we generally have daily. I'm in bed all the time waiting to throw up again. This year I was headed down the hall for another bathroom trip and caught my BF in his study at the computer masturbating. Thinking the worst I totally freaked out on him. He told me to come at look at the screen. It was an enlarged picture of me at the beach last summer in my bikini. He was embarrassed as can be and could only say "I'm sorry but I just miss being with you a lot when you're sick a long time." That I can deal with. And I felt like an idiot for assuming the worst and screaming at him.

Ok.well watchin porn is cheating...he waits til you goes to sleep cause he's addicted to it he can't stop even if said u were goin to leave ,he would choose this over you.you have self esteem issues and you may wanna seek conseling for it,he won't stop n the first time you watched it with him he lost interest n you, and gained more for this with you knowing,its like he's cheatin right n you're face..sometimes its hard to let go but ur not happy anymore,start thinking about you and not so much of wat he wants.or feels he needs.what about your needs?

Here's a biased male perspective: Guys love porn. Guys are going to watch porn either with your approval or behind closed doors. It doesn't mean we don't love you or that you don't fulfill our sexual needs. We enjoy watching. It's in our genes and you can't change that and neither can we. You can try to modify our behavior but that's not a good idea b/c we will either do it anyway and hide it from you or comply and resent you for it. Both outcomes are bad. Guys just love porn. The internet hasn't changed anything. It has simply made it more accessible and a whole lot cheaper. The desire to watch has always been there and will always be there. The desire does not change w/ age. We love it as teenagers and we love it as dirty old men.

If we are crazy in love with our woman, we still love our porn. Truely, it's in our genes. We are horny by nature and porn serves to stratch the itch. Sure there is a thing as too much porn just like eating too much, or too much football, or too much alcohol, or obsessing over anything, but most guys just like it in moderation, they don't obsess about it. A few minutes now and then is fine for most guys. If we do obsess, then, I agree, that's problem.

Your SO is apparently bi-sexual and he may be homosexual. I don't believe your issue is porn. The porn is a sympton of another problem. I think your issue is your SO's sexual orientation which you are not going to be able to change. Whether you can live with it is up to you. I suggest you confront him on his sexual orientation and find out if he is bi or homosexual. He may not be sure yet, but I think you know. If you can talk him into it, I think you should get professional counseling to help teach you both tools for working through your issues. Once both are on terms with his orientation, you must both decide if you still want to live together.

This is really bothering you and the longer it festers, the worse it is going to get. It's time for a talk.

to skipper we never sed porn was bad at all.but i truly think his problem is future than the porn hun.

Thanks Skipper for your honest male perspective on porn. Most of the men friends I have ever talked to about porn say the same type of thing. That is not a subsitute for the one they love, its a guy thing, its just something they do.

Its frustrating for a lot of women, especially when they have a higher sex drive than their partner to know that they are wasting some of their sexual energy on random internet strangers or videos. But I have come to understand that its different, sex takes time.. it takes work.. it takes intimacy and communication and its an experience, where as whipping it out and whacking it off (sorry for lack of a better word lol) quickly in front of the pc, takes just a few mins no fuss no muss and they can get back to the hockey game. I think I get it. lol.

Wanted to add though, I think and hope most men know the real thing is far more pleasurable and sexually gratifying than a quick tug off in the computer room. But I think I do understand why they sometimes, occasionally are just not in the mood to worry about someone elses pleasure and just want to quickly "release" and move on. A lot of women do the same thing with/without the aid of porn, I know I do.

When I am horny, I handle it on my own, when my bf makes me horny I like to handle it with him. I realy think that goes both ways. I use to be so insecure about porn til I realized that it was not a replacement for me, or a preference above me - just something totally different and personal and really none of my .

Originally Posted by Steph33

[ ... ] He told me to come at look at the screen. It was an enlarged picture of me at the beach last summer in my bikini. He was embarrassed as can be and could only say "I'm sorry but I just miss being with you a lot when you're sick a long time." That I can deal with. And I felt like an idiot for assuming the worst and screaming at him.

That's a very sweet story. Hope you're counting your blessings.