hubby seems to have lost his libido

**cassie66** · 02-08-2009 02:02 AM

we have only managed sex once in the last week.
he either cannot get hard, says he s not in the mood, or some other complaint examples are feel sick, bad back, shoulder sore headache etc

he also says the reason he cant get hard is cos i have wore him out lol talk about sex to often try and gra him to much jump on him so soon after he has woke up(he says he needs an hour to come round before i talk about/touch him parts etc

he gets angry now says i am only after sex not true
i have a very high sex drive yes i do talk about sex in the day but in a fun way he says he s so sick of it and he know s i want sex and i dont have to keep on about it
says im putting so much presssure on him to perform thats why he cant. is he right? he never used to have this prob

he also has a phobia about oral iehe wont hasnt never will!he always wants me tive hm the full works buti never get a return
he just says oral and fingering makes him feel sick and turns him off hee said oral is immoral dirty and wrong

every time he turns me down i get a tear i my eye.if he sees mecrying he says its emotional blackmail its not i cannot hep it i feel rejected

we have been over all this and talked makes no diff saysits myy fault for too much pressure nowhe rarely gets hard and 8 times out of ten he cant clmax either says he has to use his hand!
he will not watch porn either says is degrading

who s in the wrong and right here?

**buddy** · 02-08-2009 10:15 PM

Hi cassie,
i have been in a similar situation and yes it will be hard to get him in the mood. I suggest you tell him something along the lines of (this worked for me), sex is a way to get close to each other, it brings you two together and its something that only you two share. In the mornings, give him time to wake up, i know my boyf has to have his coffee before you can even look at him haha. Let him wake up, go give him a hug or kiss and see his reaction, hey you never know, he could turn around and make love to you like you've never experienced! Let me know how it goes!

**cassie66** · 02-09-2009 12:33 AM

hi and i dotell himthat its special. we didnt do it yesterday as he said he wasnt in the mood and last night he said he had back ache.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-09-2009 12:45 AM

Ahhh Cassie, Cassie... Me did but tell you on another thread... your confusing us, stay on the one thread woman.. So other's can see the whole deal...

lol..

On the up side : "whoo hoo you got it at least", well sort of..

CW

**cassie66** · 02-09-2009 01:51 AM

lol sorry ok

im just frustated an d i dont know what to do. cant force him to make love

ive just been upstrairs to see him and he says he is tired and his back hurts so thats ano then

any advice? im going mad here

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-09-2009 02:03 AM

Mmmm.. reverse.

Man tries to constantly get woman into bed, she says " I have a headache"

Man can't understand why?

Woman says in her mind " he only wants me for sex"...

What?

he gets angry now says i am only after sex

love thy man, love thy woman, and sex is part, something like that.

CW

**cassie66** · 02-09-2009 02:06 AM

so your saying i should back off and wait for him to approach me?

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-09-2009 02:23 AM

As hard as it is Cassie, as frustrated as you are, you are gonna have to probably give in and let him be for a while. The more you bring it up, even casually, the more he is growing resentful. You are resentful, he's becoming resentful and that isn't going to create and environment for sex to thrive.

Does he still hold you? Cuddle? For the time being I personally would back off the sex talks and instead opt for frequent masturbation (if necessary) and receive intimacy you desire from him during non sexual times through asking for a backrub instead, through holding his hand and body close.

He may just be going through a phase, his back may really hurt, Or he may just not be in the mood for sex for whatever reason. If he does not want to have sex, badgering him about it won't increase his libido, it just won't. Let it go, try to relax and try to not resent him for needing this little break.

Me and my boyfriend have an extremely satisfying sex life, there are times when I want it and he's not in the mood and even though he doesn't say so , I can tell. I can read it in his body language that its just not in the cards for the evening. So I let it go, I would never want to make him feel like its a chore. It should never be that way, to me it is such a gift, great sex is a gift you give each other. Both parties have to want to in order to make it all it should be.

Sex is supposed to be fun, feel good and be intimate. If it is something he is only doing to make you happy, even though he doesn't want to do it I don't think that would be very enjoyable for you anyway.

Now if he is not intimate in other ways, doesn't want you close at all, then I would be more concerned with that. That coupled with lack of a desire for sex would be very hard to deal with. If everything is fine in that area, give the sex life time to revive itself.

I would stop bringing up sex all together, BUT dress extra sexy every day, if you know a certain dress turns him on wear it every single day hehe. Make him breakfast in bed, give him a massage. Take the trash out for him or do the dishes on his night to do them or something of the sort. Do things that you think can help ease his tension and not add to it and if he doesnt come around tapping your shoulder in the middle of the night within a couple weeks - then you can bring it to him again :-)

But gently and with all the honesty. Without being accusatory, let him know what it makes you feel like not having that part of your life being active with him. Ask him if he can be there for you in other ways if his penis is on the fritz, like play with you with a toy, or hold you and make out with you while you or he masturbates you etc.

Him not wanting to provide you with oral, his thinking porn is degrading, it sounds like hes got some long standing issues with sex. Him thinking those things dirty and disgusting, maybe you being the sexual agressor is intimidating him or something, sounds like he is dealing with feeling guilty or dirty about sex?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-09-2009 02:27 AM

What she said.

Also what I said on your other threads.

(smile)..

CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-09-2009 02:32 AM

yes, he cannot bring himself to touch me with his hand or mouth he has never tried

How to get a man to do this?

Leaving it with you lot...

High sex drive verses, that's not on...

CW