first girl on girl

stacylive · 02-23-2009, 03:37 PM

Hi everyone i'm searching for clarity i'm freaking out.

This weekend i had my first girl on girl...and i enjoyed it alot so much ,wanting to try it again with another girl...so she's one of my good friends, i guess that's now in question......anyhow i saw my friend with benefits on saturday....i see him every weekend....I told him about it and while we where having sex we were talking about the details of the previous night.and the sex got steamier and wetter,and ultimately a night of passion but with a 3rd person that wasn't there. but he did ask for a 3some and while i'm wondering about the undiscovered i'm also asking myself if this make me bysexual? .............please don't hold back on your questions or feed back........i

**rcoreyus** · 02-23-2009, 04:20 PM

Who cares about labels. Straight, bisexual, lesbian? Simple words don't describe complex human behaviors. If you really need a single word - I guess bisexual would do - you enjoy sex with men and women.

3somes are fine - as long as you are fore-warned that they are an emotional mine-field. Have fun, but like sky-diving, some fun things aren't completely safe.

stacylive · 02-23-2009, 04:36 PM

since I have zero experience in that field as of yet...lol will you educate me on the emotional minefield part? Please.........I mean i'm thinking in reference to me seeing him with another women
am i right.....? i've thought about that and thats where i hesitate to think about it some more.

**rcoreyus** · 02-23-2009, 06:20 PM

I have no personal experience with a 3 or more way, but I have friends who do that sort of thing. One marriage dissolved, another has one miserable partner, and in the third both are happy and having a great time.

The basic problem is that for a lot of people it is impossible to be sexually involved without being emotionally evolved. If you start to "love" two people, you can find yourself choosing between them. Running to one when the other has made you mad, etc. It is easy for jealousy to appear by surprise - does he really enjoy being with HER rather than with ME. If it is a close couple and a third, the third can feel used - like a sort of sex toy (One woman I know who did this described it like that: She physically enjoyed the experience - but felt used afterwards. (She didn't blame the couple - everything was agreed on beforehand, but the feeling was still there).

Maybe he likes novelty (probably does if he is considering a 3-way). She may seem more exciting to him than you (at least at first). Would that hurt your feelings? Or maybe he would see a sort of intimacy between you and the other woman that he feels he can't be part of.

I think that this is the sort of thing you should never do if you are easily mad insecure.

With all those caveats, I think that for some people it can work well and be a great experience - just go into it with open eyes for the risks.

**SinisterUrge** · 02-24-2009, 10:23 AM

Regarding bisexuality: If you really enjoyed having sex with this woman in particular, but don't really want to have sex with any other women I'd say your probably not the "anything that moves" variety of bisexual, but more likely this was just something to do with an emotional connection. If in the future you continue to enjoy having sex with both women and men, then yes bisexual is probably the best label for you. There is nothing wrong with that, do what makes you happy but do it safely.

Regarding threesome mines:
*Do you want to be emotionally involved with your partners.
*If one, or both of your "casual" partners became emotionally attached to you (They call to see what you're doing on a wednesday, they want to go to dinner/movies before sex for some reason, etc) is that going to be a problem for you?
*If your "friend with benefits" and your "female friend with benefits" start seeing each other romantically (not just sexually) how would you feel?
*Would you still have sex with both of them? Either of them?

You say you hesitate to see him with another woman. Maybe your anxiety isn't about group sex but jealousy. For each of the following just keep your mind clear and think only about the first emotion to come to mind after you read the following (ie. angry, sad, confused, happy, excited, funny, etc). These are hypotheticals and have no right-or-wrong answer.

*Your casual friend buys a new dog. The dog has the same name as your childhood pet.
*Your friend needs a car. After asking you your opinion he buys a car that you think is a terrible car for his needs but he said you really liked it.
*Your friend confesses to you he has a casual sexual relationship with another person every tuesday.
*Your friend confesses he has a casual sexual relationship with another man.
*Your friend wants to try a male-female-male threesome.
*After three hours of amazing sex your friend tells you he's recently engaged to one of your coworkers, and she doesn't know about you.
*Your friend gets really drunk and gets "HARD LUCK" tattooed on his knuckles.

**skipper** · 02-24-2009, 10:54 AM

If you like sex w/ both men and women then by definition that makes you bi-sexual. You make it sound like that might be a bad thing? My wife is bi-sexual. I'm not. I don't think you should make a big deal out of it. Enjoy your sexuality.

stacylive · 02-24-2009, 01:08 PM

I think that enjoying my sexuality has placed me in this predicament......................................
maybe a 3some is all but a fantasy and I think i thought about everything everyone has mentioned and yes im more of a sensitive person, i enjoy one on one sessions with my friend with benefits.......................not ciking myself out with the fact that these are just benefits.
and my encounter with a girl might of been just that but a special event that wont ever happen again. (who knows) it's just that now i find myself paying close attention to women in a hmmmm? like i wonder.................................Sinister the answer is Confused,and scared....
and rcoreyus im gonna wait to go skydiving..........lol.........i'll just enjoy my benefits and learn some new tricks......
and if in the future things would change do men really enjoy hearing that a girl is bi or is it no big deal?

**skipper** · 02-24-2009, 04:25 PM

Do men enjoy hearing that a woman is bi?

Depends entirely on the man. Some might be intimidated, some might not want to share, some may blend it with their own fantasies, and some just might not care. Depends entirely on the man.

02-23-2009, 03:37 PM	#1
stacylive Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 3	first girl on girl Hi everyone i'm searching for clarity i'm freaking out. This weekend i had my first girl on girl...and i enjoyed it alot so much ,wanting to try it again with another girl...so she's one of my good friends, i guess that's now in question......anyhow i saw my friend with benefits on saturday....i see him every weekend....I told him about it and while we where having sex we were talking about the details of the previous night.and the sex got steamier and wetter,and ultimately a night of passion but with a 3rd person that wasn't there. but he did ask for a 3some and while i'm wondering about the undiscovered i'm also asking myself if this make me bysexual? .............please don't hold back on your questions or feed back........i

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02-23-2009, 04:20 PM	#2
rcoreyus March 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,742	Who cares about labels. Straight, bisexual, lesbian? Simple words don't describe complex human behaviors. If you really need a single word - I guess bisexual would do - you enjoy sex with men and women. 3somes are fine - as long as you are fore-warned that they are an emotional mine-field. Have fun, but like sky-diving, some fun things aren't completely safe.

02-23-2009, 04:36 PM	#3
stacylive Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 3	since I have zero experience in that field as of yet...lol will you educate me on the emotional minefield part? Please.........I mean i'm thinking in reference to me seeing him with another women am i right.....? i've thought about that and thats where i hesitate to think about it some more.

02-23-2009, 06:20 PM	#4
rcoreyus March 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,742	I have no personal experience with a 3 or more way, but I have friends who do that sort of thing. One marriage dissolved, another has one miserable partner, and in the third both are happy and having a great time. The basic problem is that for a lot of people it is impossible to be sexually involved without being emotionally evolved. If you start to "love" two people, you can find yourself choosing between them. Running to one when the other has made you mad, etc. It is easy for jealousy to appear by surprise - does he really enjoy being with HER rather than with ME. If it is a close couple and a third, the third can feel used - like a sort of sex toy (One woman I know who did this described it like that: She physically enjoyed the experience - but felt used afterwards. (She didn't blame the couple - everything was agreed on beforehand, but the feeling was still there). Maybe he likes novelty (probably does if he is considering a 3-way). She may seem more exciting to him than you (at least at first). Would that hurt your feelings? Or maybe he would see a sort of intimacy between you and the other woman that he feels he can't be part of. I think that this is the sort of thing you should never do if you are easily mad insecure. With all those caveats, I think that for some people it can work well and be a great experience - just go into it with open eyes for the risks.

02-24-2009, 10:23 AM	#5
SinisterUrge Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 493	Regarding bisexuality: If you really enjoyed having sex with this woman in particular, but don't really want to have sex with any other women I'd say your probably not the "anything that moves" variety of bisexual, but more likely this was just something to do with an emotional connection. If in the future you continue to enjoy having sex with both women and men, then yes bisexual is probably the best label for you. There is nothing wrong with that, do what makes you happy but do it safely. Regarding threesome mines: Do you want to be emotionally involved with your partners. If one, or both of your "casual" partners became emotionally attached to you (They call to see what you're doing on a wednesday, they want to go to dinner/movies before sex for some reason, etc) is that going to be a problem for you? If your "friend with benefits" and your "female friend with benefits" start seeing each other romantically (not just sexually) how would you feel? Would you still have sex with both of them? Either of them? You say you hesitate to see him with another woman. Maybe your anxiety isn't about group sex but jealousy. For each of the following just keep your mind clear and think only about the first emotion to come to mind after you read the following (ie. angry, sad, confused, happy, excited, funny, etc). These are hypotheticals and have no right-or-wrong answer. Your casual friend buys a new dog. The dog has the same name as your childhood pet. Your friend needs a car. After asking you your opinion he buys a car that you think is a terrible car for his needs but he said you really liked it. Your friend confesses to you he has a casual sexual relationship with another person every tuesday. Your friend confesses he has a casual sexual relationship with another man. Your friend wants to try a male-female-male threesome. After three hours of amazing sex your friend tells you he's recently engaged to one of your coworkers, and she doesn't know about you. *Your friend gets really drunk and gets "HARD LUCK" tattooed on his knuckles.

02-24-2009, 10:54 AM	#6
skipper Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Pensacola Posts: 139	If you like sex w/ both men and women then by definition that makes you bi-sexual. You make it sound like that might be a bad thing? My wife is bi-sexual. I'm not. I don't think you should make a big deal out of it. Enjoy your sexuality.

02-24-2009, 01:08 PM	#7
stacylive Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 3	I think that enjoying my sexuality has placed me in this predicament...................................... maybe a 3some is all but a fantasy and I think i thought about everything everyone has mentioned and yes im more of a sensitive person, i enjoy one on one sessions with my friend with benefits.......................not ciking myself out with the fact that these are just benefits. and my encounter with a girl might of been just that but a special event that wont ever happen again. (who knows) it's just that now i find myself paying close attention to women in a hmmmm? like i wonder.................................Sinister the answer is Confused,and scared.... and rcoreyus im gonna wait to go skydiving..........lol.........i'll just enjoy my benefits and learn some new tricks...... and if in the future things would change do men really enjoy hearing that a girl is bi or is it no big deal?

02-24-2009, 04:25 PM	#8
skipper Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Pensacola Posts: 139	Do men enjoy hearing that a woman is bi? Depends entirely on the man. Some might be intimidated, some might not want to share, some may blend it with their own fantasies, and some just might not care. Depends entirely on the man.