Initiating sex and aggressiveness by females? - Page 2

**KaytKayt** · 02-28-2009, 03:06 PM

Well everyone is different, male or female. I know I personally don't have a problem being the one to initiate and my fiance is the same way. I'd say we're fairly 50/50 though he might initiate a bit more often than I do.

I find that pleasuring my man usually puts me in the mood for even more fun. I'm not sure what it is, but when I know that he's fully enjoying myself I just find it such a turn on. Don't get me wrong, I do like it when we start with me but I don't find it is always needed. After I don't mind just laying and cuddling but sometimes I do just want to go right to sleep. Sometimes it seems that I actually think about sex more often than he does haha.

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-28-2009, 06:26 PM

As the major sex inniator in my relationship, I can understand how the original poster could come to feel unsure if the other person is just doing it to please or is just as eager as you when you instigate the action. I have a very high sex drive and no real stress or sleepyness issues so I am ready to go ALWAYS...lol

I guess I put him in position where he just doesn't need to innitiate sex since I am jumping on him the second he sits down. I guess I need to learn to settle down a little and let him pick the timing sometimes.

**Steph33** · 02-28-2009, 07:01 PM

50/50 is probably best after MUTUAL instant going at it. Everyone wants to feel wanted and desired. To me that's as important and different from the sex itself.

I like my BF to start it both ways. I love the whole gentle romantic start with flowers, music, and stuff. I love when he says he adores me, wants me, and carries me to the bedroom. That's actually more his "way" or "style." He has some old fashioned (but nice) idea that having me is always priveledge and an honor (his word). It's not his right to just screw me because he's horney. Even after this much time I sense some days he is asking permission even though I never turn him down. He's always slow speed and never in a rush, very much not a "minute man."

But I also like to see him wild for me and tear his own clothes off to get at me. It took a lot longer for me to make him comfortable enough to express that. The same respect is there, just a different kind of passion. But it's still the same as far as time involved and is never a "quickie."

Everyone (male or female) is different. Early in the relationship I just wanted him to cum and that was all I was thinking about, no interest or need for myself. I was in control, knew what to do to get him off fast, and it only took a few minutes. He really didn't like it afterwards and was to a small degree upset. He got no "mental" part because I didn't get off and it all happended to fast for him to enjoy the parts of sex he really likes more than the actual final release. Every man in my past loved that, all him and quick. Haven't done that since with him because the "overall" was really not good to him.

His favorite initiate is to just put on a kids bib he got from a restaurant we went to once. The place was known for its baked goods buffet. The bib says "Eat all you Want" (he totally loves giving me oral)

d9139ont · 03-02-2009, 09:28 AM

Thanks for the feedback. Good to hear others experiences and tendencies.

I did buy some couple specific DVDs; What Women Want and What Men Want. Each of these have two versions which we are slowly watching. Hopefully eventually these help and improve things.

Usually when the kids are asleep/napping or on the very rare occassions not with us at home is when I try to initiate fun with her.

One mood killer is when we are in the midst of foreplay and she says 'I think I hear them crying' when they are sound asleep. Or when she will start talking about them as I am trying to pleasure her or say how cute they are. It is a bit of a turn off to say the least. I love my kids but there is a short time to try to put them out of your mind and have some adult time. Frustrating.

**mewhenim** · 03-06-2009, 12:44 AM

With my soon to be ex husband I almost always initiated (and was usually turned down... seperate issue) now I'm single and still usually initiate, whether it by sending a text or actually being the one to make the move, I feel in some way I'm usually the one getting myself in trouble. When we are both done I like to just lay there for as long as I can before I have to go "clean up".

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02-28-2009, 03:06 PM	#11
KaytKayt VIP Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 40	Well everyone is different, male or female. I know I personally don't have a problem being the one to initiate and my fiance is the same way. I'd say we're fairly 50/50 though he might initiate a bit more often than I do. I find that pleasuring my man usually puts me in the mood for even more fun. I'm not sure what it is, but when I know that he's fully enjoying myself I just find it such a turn on. Don't get me wrong, I do like it when we start with me but I don't find it is always needed. After I don't mind just laying and cuddling but sometimes I do just want to go right to sleep. Sometimes it seems that I actually think about sex more often than he does haha.

02-28-2009, 06:26 PM	#12
Hopeless Dork Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: United States Posts: 1,236	As the major sex inniator in my relationship, I can understand how the original poster could come to feel unsure if the other person is just doing it to please or is just as eager as you when you instigate the action. I have a very high sex drive and no real stress or sleepyness issues so I am ready to go ALWAYS...lol I guess I put him in position where he just doesn't need to innitiate sex since I am jumping on him the second he sits down. I guess I need to learn to settle down a little and let him pick the timing sometimes.

02-28-2009, 07:01 PM	#13
Steph33 Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 283	50/50 is probably best after MUTUAL instant going at it. Everyone wants to feel wanted and desired. To me that's as important and different from the sex itself. I like my BF to start it both ways. I love the whole gentle romantic start with flowers, music, and stuff. I love when he says he adores me, wants me, and carries me to the bedroom. That's actually more his "way" or "style." He has some old fashioned (but nice) idea that having me is always priveledge and an honor (his word). It's not his right to just screw me because he's horney. Even after this much time I sense some days he is asking permission even though I never turn him down. He's always slow speed and never in a rush, very much not a "minute man." But I also like to see him wild for me and tear his own clothes off to get at me. It took a lot longer for me to make him comfortable enough to express that. The same respect is there, just a different kind of passion. But it's still the same as far as time involved and is never a "quickie." Everyone (male or female) is different. Early in the relationship I just wanted him to cum and that was all I was thinking about, no interest or need for myself. I was in control, knew what to do to get him off fast, and it only took a few minutes. He really didn't like it afterwards and was to a small degree upset. He got no "mental" part because I didn't get off and it all happended to fast for him to enjoy the parts of sex he really likes more than the actual final release. Every man in my past loved that, all him and quick. Haven't done that since with him because the "overall" was really not good to him. His favorite initiate is to just put on a kids bib he got from a restaurant we went to once. The place was known for its baked goods buffet. The bib says "Eat all you Want" (he totally loves giving me oral)

03-02-2009, 09:28 AM	#14
d9139ont Junior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 6	Thanks for the feedback. Good to hear others experiences and tendencies. I did buy some couple specific DVDs; What Women Want and What Men Want. Each of these have two versions which we are slowly watching. Hopefully eventually these help and improve things. Usually when the kids are asleep/napping or on the very rare occassions not with us at home is when I try to initiate fun with her. One mood killer is when we are in the midst of foreplay and she says 'I think I hear them crying' when they are sound asleep. Or when she will start talking about them as I am trying to pleasure her or say how cute they are. It is a bit of a turn off to say the least. I love my kids but there is a short time to try to put them out of your mind and have some adult time. Frustrating.

03-06-2009, 12:44 AM	#15
mewhenim Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 159	With my soon to be ex husband I almost always initiated (and was usually turned down... seperate issue) now I'm single and still usually initiate, whether it by sending a text or actually being the one to make the move, I feel in some way I'm usually the one getting myself in trouble. When we are both done I like to just lay there for as long as I can before I have to go "clean up".