empty sex? - Page 2

**skipper** · 03-03-2009, 11:46 AM

njman, I think it comes down to whether you can trust her and if you still want to be with her. It really matters not if it was empty or good or bad sex. What matters is that she violated your trust and hurt you.

Do you think this was a one time mistaken fling or not? I have to wonder how commited she is to your relationship. You two need a long honest frank talk about expectations and what you both want and expect out of your relationship. People screw up and make mistakes. You will have to determine if this is a one time mistake and if you can recover from it.

This is a tough one. Best of luck.

njman2008 · 03-03-2009, 07:21 PM

i didn't mean to offend you. She did take responsibility for it and that was just part of what she said. She said that he was the only one around (we were having issues) and he would listen to her and then be like now you have to do this for me. She was lost and had other issues too. She kept going back because she had no one else and didn't expect it to continue. Shesaid she was on a certain level, doing it to hurt herself.

njman2008 · 03-03-2009, 07:24 PM

just to add a bit more. We have been dating for 6 years now. We had ony had sex with each other up to this point. I have a hard time with that. I never ran around and now I have all of these insecurities. I feel regret and at the same time I can't let go.

njman2008 · 03-03-2009, 07:36 PM

sorry last post, she was also molested when she was very young. She compared the affair to feeling and remembering all the feelings she had with being molested.

**WildChild** · 03-03-2009, 09:39 PM

It sounds like the two of you have a pretty deep commitment. Only you can decide how this affects you and the relationship. If the two of you were separated for a while that may put it in a different light. It really comes down to how much damage this has done and can the you maintain or rebuild your trust?

**skipper** · 03-04-2009, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WildChild

It sounds like the two of you have a pretty deep commitment. Only you can decide how this affects you and the relationship. If the two of you were separated for a while that may put it in a different light. It really comes down to how much damage this has done and can the you maintain or rebuild your trust?

Yeah, what she said.

**mewhenim** · 03-05-2009, 11:52 PM

could it also mean you were there physically, but not emotionally, if that makes sence. I had sex with someone trying to get over my husband leaving me and I felt nothing, I told him to enter from behind. I didn't tell him I didn't want to look at him, I just stared at the wall waiting for it to be over. It felt empty to me.

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03-03-2009, 11:46 AM	#11
skipper Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Pensacola Posts: 110	njman, I think it comes down to whether you can trust her and if you still want to be with her. It really matters not if it was empty or good or bad sex. What matters is that she violated your trust and hurt you. Do you think this was a one time mistaken fling or not? I have to wonder how commited she is to your relationship. You two need a long honest frank talk about expectations and what you both want and expect out of your relationship. People screw up and make mistakes. You will have to determine if this is a one time mistake and if you can recover from it. This is a tough one. Best of luck.

03-03-2009, 07:21 PM	#12
njman2008 Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 24	i didn't mean to offend you. She did take responsibility for it and that was just part of what she said. She said that he was the only one around (we were having issues) and he would listen to her and then be like now you have to do this for me. She was lost and had other issues too. She kept going back because she had no one else and didn't expect it to continue. Shesaid she was on a certain level, doing it to hurt herself.

03-03-2009, 07:24 PM	#13
njman2008 Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 24	just to add a bit more. We have been dating for 6 years now. We had ony had sex with each other up to this point. I have a hard time with that. I never ran around and now I have all of these insecurities. I feel regret and at the same time I can't let go.

03-03-2009, 07:36 PM	#14
njman2008 Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 24	sorry last post, she was also molested when she was very young. She compared the affair to feeling and remembering all the feelings she had with being molested.

03-03-2009, 09:39 PM	#15
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,233 Blog Entries: 5	It sounds like the two of you have a pretty deep commitment. Only you can decide how this affects you and the relationship. If the two of you were separated for a while that may put it in a different light. It really comes down to how much damage this has done and can the you maintain or rebuild your trust?

03-05-2009, 11:52 PM	#17
mewhenim Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Feb 2009 Posts: 159	could it also mean you were there physically, but not emotionally, if that makes sence. I had sex with someone trying to get over my husband leaving me and I felt nothing, I told him to enter from behind. I didn't tell him I didn't want to look at him, I just stared at the wall waiting for it to be over. It felt empty to me.