empty sex?

njman2008 · 03-01-2009, 06:19 PM

What does that mean exactly for a woman? Does it mean it was pleasurable and then just didn't mean anything or does it mean it wasn't? Are there any other meanings associated with it? Thanks for your help.

**sTyLeRock** · 03-01-2009, 10:02 PM

Hey Mate,

Empty sex can mean a couple things,

She has no feelings for the person or it was just physical enjoyment.

Or she has as we call in the PUA community "Buyers Remorse"

More of less at the time she had attraction and was getting swept up in the moment, but the next day she regrets it, just lke when u buy something ur like ahh i should return it :P buyers remorse.

Basically need to form more comfort with her and try and spark a connection.

Sex is very mental for most women, Capitalize on that especially while in the bedroom

-Style

**WildChild** · 03-01-2009, 10:48 PM

If I use the phrase "empty sex" , it means that it lacked an emotional connection. That is never as good as sex with a positive connection. What is the worst is when it was there and then is withheld, it's emotionally hurtful and the sex is never near as good that way.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-01-2009, 11:20 PM

It would depend on the context in which it was used.

**Richard S** · 03-01-2009, 11:55 PM

This debate has been going on for a long time. One generation passes it down to the next. Some say, "If it feels good, do it." Others say, "Sex without love is an empty experience." And the reply is, "Yes, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best."

Over my lifetime, the last thing I was able to do (before I met my wife, I mean), was to really appreciate what was possible in a "casual" encounter. That is, when you let go of your expectations about love, romance, relationship, and just allow yourself to live in the moment with someone. It can be a very fulfilling experience.

For me, I don't think I've ever had sex with someone I didn't love on some level. The love that expresses itself in the moment might be likened to "agape" which for me is a more spiritual or universal love. Sometimes love gets in the way of sex when you feel the need to stop and think about what's happening or what it means. Sometimes the free and spontaneous expression of sexuality is the highest form of love. But it's a risk, for two people who don't really know each other very well to reach out together for that place in the unknown. There are things in that place that you can't put words on.

But, I'm not claiming to have figured any of this out yet. I'm 45 and just getting started. Marriage and faithful monogamy can also be free and spiritual and fulfilling. So, I guess I don't know what "empty sex" means because that's never happened to me.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-02-2009, 02:46 AM

Quote:

WildChild
If I use the phrase "empty sex" , it means that it lacked an emotional connection

I agree with the above...

It's sex........nothing connected, no emotions, just sex....

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-02-2009, 04:38 AM

I agree with you guys on empty sex meaning that its no emotions invested in that context. I think every time I hear someone say "it was just sex, it didn't mean anything" in regards to cheating, etc while I understand that not having emotions for someone you are having sex with, but if it was so meaningless, why not just masturbate, if the other person sparked no feelings in you. Obviously they sparked SOME emotion, even if it was just pure lust and pleasure.

I think ironically enough that "empty sex" is a hollow excuse :P

I don't know if thats the context they heard it in, but its what came to mind. That or someone saying that previous partners were empty sex, I would take that to mean none stimulated the heart or mind.. only the body.

**sTyLeRock** · 03-02-2009, 07:26 PM

Hey Njman,

Sorry i might of misread your meaning? did a women tell you this or do you want to know what empty sex means in general?

Def a lack of emotions and connection is empty sex and specially if u get forced into it come way (which does happends to guys as well...)

-Style

njman2008 · 03-03-2009, 05:41 AM

i was cheated on and this is what my g/f told one of her friends about the sex she had with the person she cheated on me with. She has also described the cheating situation to be a situation she didn't want to be in and that se didn't know how to get out of. She has said to me that she was doing it to hurt herself and that she was having difficulties from various things in life and didn't realize what was happening. She would call it rape but she let him do it becaue she didn't know what else to do. She claims they didn't even kiss. Affair happened for a period of 3 weeks, twice a week.

I am trying to be sensitive to this but at the same time, I have a hard time believing it. I guess I have never been pushy with women when it comes to sex and I could never even get it up if it felt like the girl I was sleeping with didn't want to sleep with me.

**WildChild** · 03-03-2009, 08:56 AM

Ummm, uh....how is it rape or like rape if she showed up for it twice a week, three weeks in a row? Having been raped and dealt with all it entails, I deeply resent someone who is throwing the term around like this to justify her behavior. How do you "not realize what is happening" having sex 6 times over 3 weeks? She may not be able to explain why she did this. She may have felt out of control with it. She may need help. But she was part of it, she allowed it, she showed up for it and she has to own it and take responsibility for what she did.

It is wonderful that you are trying to "be sensitive" to this situation but make sure you aren't being a doormat. Rape is traumatic event based not in sexual desire but in a need to control and dominate-it can rip your world apart- unless there are some huge details you've left out, that isn't what happened.

You're the only one who can decide if you will accept this and stay with her or move on. Some people do very well with an open relationship, some men get off on the idea of the woman in their lives with other men. The question is if you are both ok with it?

03-01-2009, 06:19 PM	#1
njman2008 Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 24	empty sex? What does that mean exactly for a woman? Does it mean it was pleasurable and then just didn't mean anything or does it mean it wasn't? Are there any other meanings associated with it? Thanks for your help.

03-01-2009, 10:02 PM	#2
sTyLeRock Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 128	Hey Hey Mate, Empty sex can mean a couple things, She has no feelings for the person or it was just physical enjoyment. Or she has as we call in the PUA community "Buyers Remorse" More of less at the time she had attraction and was getting swept up in the moment, but the next day she regrets it, just lke when u buy something ur like ahh i should return it :P buyers remorse. Basically need to form more comfort with her and try and spark a connection. Sex is very mental for most women, Capitalize on that especially while in the bedroom -Style

03-02-2009, 07:26 PM	#8
sTyLeRock Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 128	hey Hey Njman, Sorry i might of misread your meaning? did a women tell you this or do you want to know what empty sex means in general? Def a lack of emotions and connection is empty sex and specially if u get forced into it come way (which does happends to guys as well...) -Style

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03-01-2009, 10:48 PM	#3
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,233 Blog Entries: 5	If I use the phrase "empty sex" , it means that it lacked an emotional connection. That is never as good as sex with a positive connection. What is the worst is when it was there and then is withheld, it's emotionally hurtful and the sex is never near as good that way.

03-01-2009, 11:20 PM	#4
Hopeless Dork Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: United States Posts: 1,238	It would depend on the context in which it was used.

03-01-2009, 11:55 PM	#5
Richard S Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: USA / California Posts: 246	This debate has been going on for a long time. One generation passes it down to the next. Some say, "If it feels good, do it." Others say, "Sex without love is an empty experience." And the reply is, "Yes, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best." Over my lifetime, the last thing I was able to do (before I met my wife, I mean), was to really appreciate what was possible in a "casual" encounter. That is, when you let go of your expectations about love, romance, relationship, and just allow yourself to live in the moment with someone. It can be a very fulfilling experience. For me, I don't think I've ever had sex with someone I didn't love on some level. The love that expresses itself in the moment might be likened to "agape" which for me is a more spiritual or universal love. Sometimes love gets in the way of sex when you feel the need to stop and think about what's happening or what it means. Sometimes the free and spontaneous expression of sexuality is the highest form of love. But it's a risk, for two people who don't really know each other very well to reach out together for that place in the unknown. There are things in that place that you can't put words on. But, I'm not claiming to have figured any of this out yet. I'm 45 and just getting started. Marriage and faithful monogamy can also be free and spiritual and fulfilling. So, I guess I don't know what "empty sex" means because that's never happened to me.

03-02-2009, 04:38 AM	#7
Hopeless Dork Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: United States Posts: 1,238	I agree with you guys on empty sex meaning that its no emotions invested in that context. I think every time I hear someone say "it was just sex, it didn't mean anything" in regards to cheating, etc while I understand that not having emotions for someone you are having sex with, but if it was so meaningless, why not just masturbate, if the other person sparked no feelings in you. Obviously they sparked SOME emotion, even if it was just pure lust and pleasure. I think ironically enough that "empty sex" is a hollow excuse :P I don't know if thats the context they heard it in, but its what came to mind. That or someone saying that previous partners were empty sex, I would take that to mean none stimulated the heart or mind.. only the body.

03-03-2009, 05:41 AM	#9
njman2008 Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Posts: 24	i was cheated on and this is what my g/f told one of her friends about the sex she had with the person she cheated on me with. She has also described the cheating situation to be a situation she didn't want to be in and that se didn't know how to get out of. She has said to me that she was doing it to hurt herself and that she was having difficulties from various things in life and didn't realize what was happening. She would call it rape but she let him do it becaue she didn't know what else to do. She claims they didn't even kiss. Affair happened for a period of 3 weeks, twice a week. I am trying to be sensitive to this but at the same time, I have a hard time believing it. I guess I have never been pushy with women when it comes to sex and I could never even get it up if it felt like the girl I was sleeping with didn't want to sleep with me.

03-03-2009, 08:56 AM	#10
WildChild Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 6,233 Blog Entries: 5	Ummm, uh....how is it rape or like rape if she showed up for it twice a week, three weeks in a row? Having been raped and dealt with all it entails, I deeply resent someone who is throwing the term around like this to justify her behavior. How do you "not realize what is happening" having sex 6 times over 3 weeks? She may not be able to explain why she did this. She may have felt out of control with it. She may need help. But she was part of it, she allowed it, she showed up for it and she has to own it and take responsibility for what she did. It is wonderful that you are trying to "be sensitive" to this situation but make sure you aren't being a doormat. Rape is traumatic event based not in sexual desire but in a need to control and dominate-it can rip your world apart- unless there are some huge details you've left out, that isn't what happened. You're the only one who can decide if you will accept this and stay with her or move on. Some people do very well with an open relationship, some men get off on the idea of the woman in their lives with other men. The question is if you are both ok with it?