Can domination outside of the bed-room/relationships be attractive?

**garden** · 03-31-2009 08:56 AM

Hi all,

after reading some threads that center on domination and how some
women get turned on by the ``cave man'' approach, I would like your
opinion on whether this could explain an event that has puzzled me for
a long time:

When travelling in an elevator at my then employer's a few years ago,
I leaned backwards into a young woman (mid-twenties, for those who
have read my other thread and are worried) from another department in
an obviously deliberate and unnecessary manner. I had expected her to
try to shove me away or otherwise protest; however, instead I found
myself having to stop when her nose and chin started to press into my
back through my thick winter-jacket. (Fearing that I would squash her
between my back and the wall immediately behind her.)

After this event she went from not having paid me any particular
attention to giving me incredible ear-to-ear smiles with shining eyes
every time I saw her. In fact, her smiles were so charming that I
seriously considered setting aside my strict policy against dating
co-workers in order to ask her out. (But I eventually did not.)

What are your thoughts? Apart from my lacking manners/not respecting
her boundaries back then :-)

How would you (if female) have reacted? Would your behaviour depend on
the attractiveness of the man? (I have been told some reasonably
positive things about my looks over the years, so this could be a
factor.) Can this be explained by a ``cave man'' reaction? Other
explanations?

For those who wonder: My leaning was part of a joke, where I
contrasted my behaviour with the verbal statement that the elevator
was too crowded for that same behaviour. In hindsight, this joke was
lame and immature, but for some reason it went over very well with the
other passengers---and, very obviously, the young woman...

**WildChild** · 03-31-2009 09:00 AM

She probably took it as a joke as well as some interest on your part. I wouldn't read too much into it. Just because a couple of men on here have advocated the "cave man" approach doesn't mean it's really a winner. Women generally like a man who is confident and has a sense of humor but also want consideration.

**skipper** · 03-31-2009 09:46 AM

It all depends on whether it is welcomed or not. If it had been my wife and she didn't know you, a deliberate move like that would have resulted in a deliberate smashing of your nose into the front of the elevator when she shoved you off of her. A second attempt on your part would be considered assault and you would likely be left incapacitated on the floor of the elevator holding your crotch w/ a call to 911. But she's a little touchy about unwelcomed touching.

I'd be careful who you try this with. It might be my wife.

Different strokes for different folks.

**WildChild** · 03-31-2009 10:00 AM

Well put Skipper. Unless it's absolutely overt, I'll generally let a first offense off with the assumption of mistaken identity or something but a second time is another story.

**garden** · 03-31-2009 10:01 AM

To avoid misunderstandings: I am not looking for new pick-ups, but am
curious as to her behaviour.

Originally Posted by WildChild

She probably took it as a joke as well as some
interest on your part. I wouldn't read too much into it. Just because
a couple of men on here have advocated the "cave man" approach doesn't
mean it's really a winner. Women generally like a man who is confident
and has a sense of humor but also want consideration.

Actually, this is why I thought too, until I read thread upon thread
here, where women (not men) talk about how they get a major turn-on by
being man-handled, pinned down with their arms around their heads,
having their hair pulled, and so on. (By their respective boyfriend,
obviously; not someone they know just by sight...)

Skipper, considering the low speed at which I moved, I do not think
that even your wife would have reacted that badly. (If I am wrong
about this, make very sure that she is aware of laws concerning
``reasonable force'' :-))

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-31-2009 10:17 AM

She probably didn't see it as a dominating move but more as a joke, and possibly even a flirt. She may think you just have a sense of humor are silly , outgoing etc. It is very unlikely she was like wow, i sure liked how he roughed me up I hope he asks me out. She probably didn't see it that way.

Not saying there are not women that want this-- there indeed are. There are women (and men) that like to dominated in every aspect of their life, not just sex, some just in sex and some in every area but sex. Different strokes. But the chances of one of those women being in the same elevator as you , who is interested in that sort of thing, and takes your jokey move as an invitation to be dominated outside the bedroom.. pretty slim.

**WildChild** · 03-31-2009 11:04 AM

Actually, this is why I thought too, until I read thread upon thread
here, where women (not men) talk about how they get a major turn-on by
being man-handled, pinned down with their arms around their heads,
having their hair pulled, and so on. (By their respective boyfriend,
obviously; not someone they know just by sight...)

The critcal words are, "by their respective boyfreind". This is a situation of trust and consent. This includes understanding limits. The man in my life asked first, he got my permission for certain behaviors way ahead of time. He asked, what if I grabbed your hair? We had some discussion on various areas such as grabbing a handful of hair is ok, pulling hairs isn't, a swat or two on the tush is good, flat out hitting isn't. Even then he confirmed later, is this ok? That's not too much, too hard, too whatever? Now he doesn't do so as much because he has a good feel for my limits.

Everyone has different limits and some things are acceptable at one time but not at another. Especially when one has greatly superior strength, trust and limits are essential. I trust absolutely that this man knows his strength, knows how to control himself to a fine level (he is highly trained in certain physical arts), is highly aware, and acts consciously even when very aroused. But I know him well. It's a very different situation with a stranger or in a new relationship. There are some people who get off on the element of danger with a stranger or relatively unknown person - they are self destructive and probably best steered clear of. You don't want to be getting interviewed when they finally found the wrong stranger and the police are cleaning up the remains.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-31-2009 05:16 PM

I agree WC.

In a relationship that is whole, there are no boundries.

Would you not call that fantasy? As, aposed to cave man approach?

And, wanting to play out a fantasy with the man that you trust wholey and soley in your life?

This woman may not be used to attention, and the mere act of what you did back then, was attention, providing attention to her.

As, such she may have found it errotic to a degree, exciting maybe for a better word, and typically felt that you were interested in her.

A confident woman or married, I agree 100% with Skipper, would find it disturbing and down right, wrong.

Where is the respect in that movement?

A lonely woman, or one whom does not receive much attention or even in-secure, or simply one who loves this type of "foreplay" will react in the manner in which she reacted to you.

Let's face it, from there she flirted on-going did she not? With her eyes, her smile?

You payed attention to her, she reacted as an "individual" on that attention, in your favour.

CW

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