westcoastgal

I posted this as a reply to an older post, but decided the thread was too dated for anyone ot look at so I'm trying it as a new thread.

I"m 51, through menopause, have 3 children (2 in college, 1 HS). Despite the kids' ages they still take an enormous amt of time and energy.

My libido has been a complaint of mine and my husbands for many years...Doctor says stress, fatigue, kids all contribute. I say "Duh, I know that, but what can be done about it?". Still don't have an answer.

I love my husband, and he me. We have what is otherwise a great relationship and I think we both make each other a better person. BUT, and this is BIG for him, sex is too infrequent, and he says I don't care enough about it. He says 1x/week is barely acceptable, less is not. I say we prob. hit almost 1x/wk, on average, esp. when you take into consideration the time we spend away from one another (visiting kids, one of us home with #3, the other on the visit, and his recreational trips).

I would LOVE to have his libido! Orgasm is generally not a prob. for me, though sometimes I'm too low on energy to make the effort. So it's not the ability to have a satisfying sexual experience, it's the lack of motivation, desire and initiative.

Mary Cate's suggestion of the gym is a good one, but in my case it seems only to stem the tide of a middle age body setting in. I am, and always have been, very fit and very active but my genetic predisposition of becoming an "apple" is tough to stave off. I KNOW that my body is part of MY problem, if I was as lean a machine as I used to be things would no doubt be different. I was a gymnast, so I'm coming from a pretty high standard. Many would love to have my body, but I, and my husband, know it isn't what it used to be and that's a bit of a turn off for me. As a matter of fact, when discussing our (lack of) sex life this morning my husband said "am I going to have to wait until my second life for sex and affection from a hard body"? He swears that he didn't mean that, but it pretty much ended my participation in the discussion...I got up and left.

Enough of that history. I'd like to know how to increase my libido. I work out, take a multi vitamin, I masturbate on occasion. (actually, writing this helps got a tingle going) It just doesn't seem to translate into bedtime hour zing! I've told hubby many times that he sould make a trip home mid-day for me...my energy level is higher then, at night I"m pretty bushed (no pun intended!)

One other frustration I've had for the 26 yrs of our marriage/27 of sex (!!) is that he lasts long enough with foreplay, but the moment that penis moves inside, it's all over. In all those years that has been a constant, which is a frustration for me. Maybe someone has a suggestion for that.

Also would like to know how post-menopausal women deal most effectively, and not too grossly, with vaginal dryness.

I'm all ears for suggestions.

WildChild

Your husband probably meant that if you are going to wait to have sex until you have "your" body, he feels it will never happen. You have to learn to love the you, you are now. There is a reason that throughout the millenia that woman has a triple form; maiden, crone(or mother) and hag (wise woman) at one time all these forms were sexy each in a different way.

Learn to do a good bj and/or hand job, treat your hubby at least once a week in addition to intercourse. If you aren't feeling sexy ask him to do something sensuous for you like a foot rub or scalp and neck massage.

Why do your kids take so much time? Two are out of the house aren't they? If they aren't they should be helping out more. Learn to take some time for yourself. You deserve it, you need it. What relaxes you? I love to potter about in the yard, sew, run or walk. Have you tried meditation? I don't go in for a lot of the empty mind stuff (I think that's better suited to men) but relax, clear your mind by envisioning blue. The blue of the sky, then add a cloud, a bird or two flying through, that can be very calming or just go lay in the grass and watch the clouds!

Peacheskreme

sometimes i get like this too. no libido cause of the round of anxiety medications ive tried. and sometimes not. I always get off.. but getting me horny is something else.

I guess I have to prepare. I dress in something pretty. I do my hair and makeup. and I dance for my man. Like give him a show.. Its fun and the endorphins kick in and things are great to start. He's ready to jump on me but I'm like "wait I still want to keep dancing" I dunno there is something about knowing i do a good job at that that keeps me there. Then sex starts and its like ok. wait for the orgasm.

OH i know.. take a warm bath it helps with circulation. and play with yourself before you want to do anything with your lover/husband. I think the best thing is to keep that feeling constant so your brain starts to have it become a pattern.

Try looking at porn?

But I need new ways of "getting horny" as well. I need tips from others too. I'm exercising now so thats always a plus.

__________________
attitude..it follows us around. It can be like a smelly sock or a sweet perfume. Others can tell. Be confident.

skipper

There is nothing we can do to stave off age. It's coming for us and the best we can do is age gracefully. The best way to age gracefully is to follow marycates recommendation and exercise daily and eat right and stay hwp.

We will never be as fit as we were 20 or 30 yrs ago. We all have to come to terms with that nasty fact. But we can still be fit well into our senior years. An attractive mature woman is extremely sexy to me and a lot of men.

As far as increasing libido, when you find the answer, let us all know. Meanwhile, we have found that more sex begets more sex and more sex increases libido. Change it up, do the unexpected, buy a new toy, schedule a date w/ hubby, buy some lingerie, strip for him, watch porn, read erotic material, seduce him in the car, find out a new fantasy of his and make it happen, make a fantasy of yours happen, whatever it takes to have more sex.

For dryness, just check out the lubes at your favorite drugstore. They are carrying all kinds of top quality water based and silicone lubes. The silicones last a long time.

marycate

Ok, wish you could hear me yelling form here, which is a long away from you.
Please trust me. I have seen women of 68 transform their sex drive or have one for the first time in their lives. NO you dont have to settle for looking like an apple.
You have read my post before thanks for that.
First get you body right if you can afford going and getting a personal trainer at a gym that understands womens health go. If not grab cans of food or weights and look up weight bearing exercises on the net.
Second what are you eating, if you are looking like an apple ( like most women our age) then that would tell me you are not eating for your female health and or eating things at the wrong time of day. Are you having low fat protein for breakfast like an egg? what about mid morning and lunch and at 3pm a time that drives so many to bad carbs.
Third, up your zinc and magnesium intake at breakfast and lunch, fish oil too girl.
What about flaxseed oil on vege or salad one tablespoon every day,why. because its a female hormone receptor which takes all the hormones left in your body and from your food and makes then hang about a bit longer.
If your middle is reaching to the same size as your hips take stock quick, it would tell me that your liver could be a bit on the slow side ( not enough to show on tests) its your liver that processes ALL your hormones and if its not up to speed neither will you be.
Drink 6 glasses of water as your liver needs this to work and do what it needs to.
If you would like I could post up what I eat and dont here for you or send me a message and i could send you an e mail. Look i mean this you can turn this around its never too late for us girls.
I have older kids too and boy I know how they drain everything from you too. So are you going the extra mile for yourself? bet not girl. I spent about 2 hours of each and every on getting my old body up to speed and now about 1 hour per day and I am worth the time and so are you. Go and get books on female health from your library and PLEASE understand you dont have to settle for anything that is in your control and your sex drive IS. I have gone from 2 out of ten to 10 it took about 8 months or so and we are about the same age.
Us girls never look after ourselves as well as we do our loved ones but boy the difference a high sex drive makes to you and your happiness rubs off on the rest of the family and boy your husband will be happy too.
The others are right having sex often make you want more and its important for the health of your vagina too. But get your body right and your mind will start wandering in the right direction after a while. Good luck and feel free to contact me through my messages here.

marycate

Further to the above post, teenager was being a pain. My sex drive is 4X than when I was 20, the sex is 4X as good, my man and I have sex about 5X per week and most times spend about 1 and a half to two hours having fun. My marriage is stronger and I'm not such a grump. At 28 I never wanted sex I was slim and fit but boy I ate the wrong stuff or worse not enough stuff. Unless you have a medical condition or on certain meds YOU have the power to improve! Now I feel much better thanks for letting me rant!

WildChild

I would add a few pointers to this (I'm appraoching 52 and in better shape than I was in my early 40s by far and my biggest symptom of approaching menopause is horniness) Chech out the Flat Belly Diet, you can get the book at Costco for $13.00. It will help educate you on healthy eating using monunsaturated fats to your advantage.

If you own a coffee grinder, put it to use (or buy an inexpensive one) flax seed oil must be kept chilled and cannot be cooked but flax seed (aval at your local health food store in bulk) can be ground in the coffee grinder (you can't digest it as a whole seed) and added to virtually anything you bake, sprinkled on salads, pasta, all kinds of things. It has a nutty flavor and I add it to bisquits, cookies, muffins - all made with recipes adapted to use mufas(monounsaturated fats). Flax and fish oil provide omega 3 fatty acids which are vital for the nervous system (ALL teens and kids should be taking them) and help lube your joints on the inside.

Sleep is vital, if you snore you probably have apnea. Here's the deal on that (long story for me involving Dr and tests I couldn't take and a machines I wouldn't have agreed to anyway)
a significant number of apnea cases could be cured by doing two simple things - lose weight and do soft palet exersizes. If you have insurance you can visit a speach therapist and have them evaluate your soft palet (roof of your mouth basically) and show you how to do the exersizes correctly. But you should be able to find some on line too. Drop the weight, strengthen the muscles and you can get a good sleep and avoid wearing a mask and using a machine all night for the rest of your life! Why don't the ENTs tell you about this? Mine said, "no one would do it." I said, "watch me".

Another point Marycate brought up the importance having enough water for the liver to do it's job. Over time this vital filtering system for our bodies does get damaged. Milk thistle is the ONLY thing that has been found to help repair the liver (the research was done in Germany). You can get Milk Thistle capsules at the health food store.

You aren't your body but you live in your body. If you aren't comfortable in your house you can move, if you aren't comfortable in your body all you can do is essentially remodel - lose weight, exersize, take good care of yourself, eat and sleep well, have the best sex possible, live healthy and happy!