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Thread: She wants to be 'dominated', what is she looking for?

  1. #1
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    Default She wants to be 'dominated', what is she looking for?


    Howdy girls!
    After watching a few Oprah shows about sex, my wife has told me that she would like to be dominated. I think I have the general idea, but I'd like to get some input from you ladies as to what she's thinking/expecting.
    (I feel we have a pretty good sex life, although it's gotten into a bit of a rut lately since we now have a 3 year old running around occupying our time and I work a lot of hours during the week.)
    Is she looking for me to totally 'control the session'? Like determining the positions, telling her to do certain things? How far do I take it? Involve a toy at some point?

    Looking forward to hearing from you!!

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    Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Array sallyskellington's Avatar
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    start simple. And make sure she is in the mood she prob just wants you to kinda tell her what to do. Perhaps spanking as well. Like I said just start slow and simple
    Dead animals don't equal fashion it equals cruelty

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    WH Head Moderator Array WildChild's Avatar
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    Ask her. She knows what she means, if she doesn't, isn't clear, get on the search together, find stuff on the computer and get a clear picture what she is thinking of. Discuss it beforehand. Literally go through lists, what about this, how about that, what if I did this, this way? Understand the limits and have a safe word (you can look that up too). This may be something that she wants only occasionally, you'll need to keep checking on that, confirming it.

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    What I get form this is almost a type of Master Slave roleplay. Try looking up S&M and M/s relations to get a better idea.
    More over, I think she wants you to be in control. Try speaking firmly and referring to her as your pet/salve/ or any nickename you can come up with or already use. You have to make sure you stay in control though, that's what she wants. If she disobeys (like if you tell her to move to the bed or give a strip tease to make 'Master' happy) then punish her, but in a more sexual way. Like spanking is a good idea, or even bondage or just teasing without giving full pleasure.

    But it's better to know her fetishes and what she's up for before you do anything, just in case. If she wants to be dominated then more then likely she doesn't want you asking what she wants to do. Just ask "What are your limits" so you know what 'not' to do, then start slow and go from there.

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    In what context was Oprah using the word?
    I like a little domination in the heat of the moment, nothing too much resembling BDSM, but rougher than your average lovemaking.
    Some things you could try that probably won't offend are hair pulling (not too hard!) and holding her wrists down. Definitely establish a safe-word, though if you tell her previously that you don't want her to "play" at saying no, it shouldn't be necessary. Take on a kind of "who's your daddy," man in charge attitude.
    Different people are going to take domination different ways. It could be as simple as a word or as complicated as black leather, whips, and hot candle wax.

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    Start with "no means no" and a light spanking. If she wants more than that, start googling BDSM. If she just wants a good spanking theres no need for you to waste brainpower on learning to decipher the following: BMM seeks F Dom for TPE bdsm fun: enjoy CBT, NT, caning. Humiliation foot worship forced-bi verbal abuse. Brunettes with tattoos prefered, BBWs welcome.

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    Definatly determine the ground rules first and you might want a safety word (I word to use instead of stop or no, as this may be part of the fantasy). Ask her how far she wants to go. Start with mild things like spanking, maybe hair pulling or biting, and keep going to whatever extent you both feel comfortable. Find out as much as you can before hand as when you are "dominating" you don't ask what she wants. Perhaps consider restraints also, you can buy specialized restraints, or just use something from around the house. Good luck and have fun!

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    thanks for all the input!
    after some quick intimacy tonight, I asked her how far should I go when I dominate her and she replied 'surprise me'.
    I'm thinking tied wrists, blindfold and some spanking (which I know she enjoys-maybe I'll take it up a notch).
    Sound good? It does to me!

  9. #9
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    Definately use a safe word.

    For the first few times tie her up - and then do things that you are sure she likes. You can get more experimental later.

    Be sure you have her tied with something you can untie. Probalby a good idea to keep scissors around.

    Really though you need to ask - different people like different thigns. She may like rape-fantasy, or pretending to be your love slave, or being tied up and having you do nice things to her - or being tied up and having you "punish" her. There is no easy way to tell without asking.

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    If you use rope to tie her up, do your homework, not all rope is created the same. You want to use something soft, non-chafing. Also study different knots, use some common sense, maybe even practice a little bit prior to getting to the bedroom, or dungeon, lol.

    Experiment, my wife has always like some light spanking. During a recent round of "makeup" sex, she was on her stomach and I was doing oral on her backside which drives her insane. I started spanking her, harder and harder and it drove her wild. I never had any idea she like it so much, turns out after talking later, she didn't either. It's become a regular part of our repertoire now. I was just using my hand, but it was hard enough to make her cheeks read. I've tried smacking her boobs, but she really doesn't like that, and I feel really awkward doing it.

    My wife has very large nipples, and she likes to have them pinched, and at times rather hard, depends on the mood. Just the other day she was telling me how sore her nipples were from the night before. I said you didn't complain last night when I was doing it, she said no, and it's making me quite wet thinking about it now. I have learned though the week before the nipples are OFF LIMITS! They're only to be kissed and licked.

    She loves to have her hair pulled during doggy play, and not necessarily choking, but likes to have my hands around, or near her throat.

    Unfortunately with kids and their friends hanging out, it's tough to have sex like this very often.

    Experiment, it will be pretty easy to find the boundaries, and communicate.

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