No orgasm?

**ItsASecret** · 04-05-2009 03:20 PM

Why can I not seem to have an orgasm during sex? I mean everything is fine during sex, my boyfriend can last as long as he wants during it so timing isn't an issue but for some reason I simply cannot get to that point of orgasm. We do lots of foreplay including oral but no matter what I cannot seem to have one. I assure him that I still feel really good and satisfied during sex (which I honestly do) but he feels like I deserve to be able to have an orgasm, and he isnt pushing for it but would still like for me to have one.

Are there anyone else with this problem or any suggestions as to how I can achieve an orgasm during sex?

**Hopeless Dork** · 04-05-2009 03:51 PM

If you can orgasm through masturbation, I'd suggest incorperating that into your lovemaking. Sometimes our minds aren't clear enough for orgasm during sex, I come about 80% of them during intercourse and the times I don't aren't because he is doing something different... its because I am thinking about something stupid like "did my thigh just jiggle? oh gosh, he probably thinks I'm gross" lol.. when I start worrying about how I look during sex I lose my momentum.

But most of the time, when I am just focused on my own pleasure and not thinking about anything else (even his, I should be ashamed to admit lol) it happens

But I also don't hesitate to reach down to and rub on myself during the act if position permits to help increase my sensations.

When women can have orgasms through masturbation but not intercourse its usually some sort of mental block - not focusing on their own pleasure.. or some sort of physical block - not getting the same kind of stimulation they get during self pleasuring. With a little adjustment that one is an easy fix. The more difficult , but definitely one that can be overcome (no pun intended) is relaxing and letting your body just feel.

**WildChild** · 04-05-2009 04:20 PM

Get a copy of The Orgasm Loop, written by a female sex therapist it teaches women what to do and how to take control of your sexual pleasure.

**ItsASecret** · 04-05-2009 04:26 PM

I rarely do it myself and if I do it takes awhile to reach orgasm. I have shown him what I do with my fingers but still nothing. He has suggested that I do some rubbing while we have sex, and I do but it just doesn't get me to that point. Maybe I just don't know how to clear my mind and take in all the feelings. I've read other things saying that I should think about some sexy situation to really get me all worked up, tried it, but then I focus more on that then the feeling of sex.

**RadioActiveCC** · 04-05-2009 11:38 PM

i have that problem to, i have to have clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm.
ive tried alot of different things with my partner to try and reach an orgasm without it, but it just doesnt work.
it make sme wonder if there something wrong down there.

but i heard a doctor say once, that not all woman can have an orgasm, only like 60 % or something like that

**WildChild** · 04-06-2009 12:35 AM

Just because not all women do, doesn't mean YOU can't learn. I'm multiorgasmic and with the present man in my life I've Never not cum with intercourse. I can start orgasming the moment he enters me and pretty much keep right on with varying intensity all the way. I'm always reading and wanting to learn more and when I read The Orgasm Loop, I realized that I do a lot of what she recommends. For me it just came naturally but I do it just a bit differently at different times and right now there is one thing I do that she specifically recommends against - I do use him as my arousal visualization. Read the book and you'll know what I'm talking about.

The point is you can learn what some of us just came to on our own and you can learn to own your orgasm with or without a partner. It's worth the effort. I can't imagine not cumming like crazy with sex on a regular basis and sticking around. I've had partners that it didn't happen with and that gets too frustrating.

Women are bombarded with conflicting messages about their sexuality all their lives. It's no wonder so many have problems with it. Recent research has found that women are just as visually stimulated as men - by porn, by men's bodies - but most don't respond to or recognise the arousal. It's like the mind to body connection has been severed or blocked. Just knowing that may help many start to become more responsive.

**ItsASecret** · 04-06-2009 09:30 AM

I have looked at a few books overtime and they all end up saying the same thing (at least to me). Picture something that turns you on, steady breathing, rub yourself, have your partner help, orgasm accomplished. When I have tried those things I do get worked up and I do feel the little tinglies inside of me but it just never peaks. Typically when we have tried to make me cum he will be rubbing, kissing, and alternating with fingering for well over a consistent 20 minutes and I eventually give up because I don't feel anything close to an orgasm. Its just so frustrating that I cannot give him that satisfaction of knowing he can finish me.

**WildChild** · 04-06-2009 09:51 AM

What sex authority Susan Bakos explains its that men have an immediate arousal feed back back loop because everything is right out front and very obvious all their lives. Women with less obvious sexual organs and less abvious signs of arousal have a harder time recognizing arousal. She gives proven tools and methods for women to develop arousal feedback. One more book won't hurt you and might help - check it out! You got a livetime to live, that's a long time not being sexually satisfied.

**The_Average_Man** · 04-07-2009 08:19 PM

I've done a lot of research and also have talked to women in forums and it is generally known that the majority of women cannot achieve their orgasms through intercourse alone.My first wife couldn't. My present wife both in the same boat...Don't look at me..I'm doing my part.My wife tells me that penetration feels great to her, but it simply does not stimulate her enough to have an orgasm.She usually get her O's from our foreplay sessions. After she lets me do some penetration mostly for my satisfaction.
Also in many publications it says the same thing.Most do not orgasm through
intercourse alone.Even less frequent is the women that can have G-spot orgasms.They are in the minority.So if you can get an orgasm through intercourse and know where your G-spot is and get G-spot O's, look up.You've been blessed by God.

**ItsASecret** · 04-11-2009 03:21 PM

I am a Pure Romance consultant and since you are stating that he's never given you an orgasm, I have just the thing for that. I recommend that you try a heightner/arousal cream to help you out. You can visit my website and purchase it, Untitled Page, I offer an extensive line of relationship enhancement products to help maintain and improve that happy relationship and to make sure you both get what you want. Ex-T-Cee is the product that I am referring to that will help you achieve an orgasm and X-Scream is guaranteed to make you both reach that point. They are both air activated as well so it just makes that great sex even better. We even offer Tickle Your Fancy which gives you instructions on finding your hot spots and tips to help achieve that orgasm.

No offense but I'm looking for something my man can do for me, or tips to get into the mental state required for an orgasm. Menthol and L-arginine based creams are not for me.

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