Thread: Anal Sex: advice, thoughts, experiences?

So I did an old thread search and saw that there are some threads discussing anal sex but most of them are really old so I thought I'd throw this out here again.

Basically, my bf, being very into butts, is also very into anal sex. He really wants me to do it with him since it's a big turn-on and I would then also be "full option" as he put it. We did do it more than a year ago when I was drunk and had no recollection of it - except I woke up with a very sore butt that lasted for like a week (doing sit-ups was not pleasant during that time, lol). I'd rather do it now fully conscious so that I can be an active participant - so we tried it the other night. We got all lubed up and he slowly started putting it in. The problem occurred when it just suddenly slipped in really fast - oh my goodness the feeling was horrific!! It really felt like (sorry to be graphic) diarrhea in reverse, so much so that I felt like puking. It was such a weird, horrible feeling. We also have warming lube so it started burning in there too - and then I felt like I had to go to the bathroom, except I didn't think I did... anyway, he made me stay with it, telling me to relax, and slowly it started getting better and it was ok - without him moving that is. Then he started moving it a little bit and the reverse diarrhea feeling was back in full force, ugh. We tried this a couple of times but mostly the experience consisted of just getting it in and letting me adjust to it, not much movement. Nevertheless, I'm sure my neighbors weren't too happy about my screaming from the pain and shock, lol (even though I tried not to!).

He was soo happy afterward and was so excited that we had done it and was telling me how much he appreciated me and loved me and whatever - so he was flying high while I was feeling actually really depressed. I've read up on anal somewhat and it seems that a lot of women really like it. I just wonder if I would ever get to that point, and HOW, because I think it would be difficult to get over the mental block of KNOWING that it will be painful. So I was feeling bad because I wasn't sure if I could get to the point of being able to do it freely without audibly and visibly showing the pain. And, honestly I don't know how I can learn to associate the feeling of diarrhea and sexual pleasure together... yet still I don't want to refuse to do anal sex simply because my first real experience was painful - there are a lot of things that are hard and painful when we first try them (like regular sex lol), but it gets better each time. So, I'm willing to try, especially since it's sooo important to him.

Anyway, I'm wondering if any of you have had an initial painful experience with anal sex but it's gotten better - and if so, how did you help it get better? Are there any tips, techniques that I should try?

I haven't had experience with anal sex, but I can make some educated guesses.

I will say right off the bat that warming lube sounds like a terrible idea. I've heard that good old-fashioned KY jelly is the best for anal. It may sound overboard, but the advice I have gotten from people who do anal regularly is to liberally lube him up, then apply into your anus, possibly using a syringe of some sort. Messy, yes, but it would probably ease the process considerably.

Also, have you slowly worked yourself up to it? Start with fingers, then small toys, then when you are completely comfortable with that, you can try true penetration. Go very slow, and make sure you are completely in control of the situation, that he only does things when you give him the word.

If after all this you still feel like it is a horrible experience, be honest with him about it. It is one thing to compromise, another thing entirely to be as miserable during the experience as you appear to be. I don't think he wants to torture you.

This is supposed to be comfortable and enjoyable for both of you. If you feel pain, you two aren't doing it right. Stop immediately, figure out what's wrong and if necessary try again another day. Also, prep for this. Have everything you are going to need at hand.

Trust is paramount. You have to know he will stop if you say stop.

You must be very willing and very relaxed. If you are worried about pain, you aren't ready. Pain should not be an issue b/c he has agreed to stop if you feel discomfort and you trust him to stop.

We find it's better if my wife has 2 or 3 orgasms b/f we start. She is both relaxed and aroused and she enjoys it more in a heightened sexual state. In fact, she enjoys it a lot.

Use lots and lots of lube. Too much is about right. Then use a little more. Use a heavier based lube. Spit ain't gonna cut it. We like the silicone types b/c they last longer and don't get sticky. This is not the place to take the cheap way out.

Start w/ some gentle probing w/ a finger or toy and work up to him. Your muscles are not going to be happy changing from a one way to a two way street at first. You must be relaxed and tell them to loosen up. SO should treat this as a school zone and proceed w/ utmost caution. Have him stop every 1/2" or so and get used to having him in you. You need to be in control of his movements until your body adjusts so give him stop and go commands and tell him what speed is acceptable. You may find you can't take all of him and that's ok.

Be extremely and I mean extremely careful not to introduce any bacteria to your vagina. Even if he was wearing a condom, he should wash thoroughly b/f front door sex again. Toys must be undergo complete cleaning beyond soap and water. Why the amusement park is next to the sewer plant, I'll never know.

Have some towels ready for cleanup. He might be a little dirty and both of you are going to be covered w/ lube if you did it right. If he isn't using a condom, he should pee directly afterwards to flush his urethea.

Have fun!