Is it okay to have your boyfriend sleep over when you have kids

**littlegirllost** · 04-18-2009, 12:26 AM

Hi. I've been dating this guy for awhile and he asked me today if he can spend the night. I have a 12 year old daughter, is this appropriate to do with her in the house? We wouldnt be intimate together until she goes to bed of course. I could really use some advice.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-18-2009, 01:42 AM

That's a hard question to be honest,

Has she spent time with the pair of you together?

You say "dating", not that you have a boyfriend and that that person has spent time getting to know the pair of you, together, because he likes you and wants to be with you.

It sounds more like, dating, just a person you enjoy being with, that can be gone from your life(lives) in the short term.

If this is the case and you apply this now, then that means you will apply it with all that you date.

This can be confusing for a young girl.

If the guy likes you, then he would want to share both of your lives and would wait, until she felt like he was in her life as well, before staying over.

Call me old fashioned, but that's how i read it.

CW

Autumnbinature · 04-18-2009, 04:07 AM

in other words do what you want. if your ready go for it. do you trust him if you do then why not let him stay.

**WildChild** · 04-18-2009, 06:05 AM

I'd say not unless it is a stable LTR. This is an area where you need to be very careful, kids, even older ones can surprise you with their reactions.

**happy ending** · 04-18-2009, 01:39 PM

my daughter was fine with it, but she really likes my boyfriend. she is eleven. why not ask your child what they think. i did.

**2morrow** · 04-20-2009, 03:13 PM

Personally, I don't want mine to spend the night. I know that I am not looking for long term, so why bother. A few hours is fine, but then adios, time for him to go home.

I have 3 kids at home, who would give me the third and fourth degree, if they saw him walking around the house at 8 in the morning. No thank you !

It all depends if you are wanting a long term with the fellow, if you are serious about each other and you want to move it up to the live in status, then I guess he does spend the night. It all depends on the relationship.

**SinisterUrge** · 04-20-2009, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by littlegirllost

We wouldnt be intimate together until she goes to bed of course.

Your daughter will still hear you. Kids have the amazing ability to pick-up on sex five floors away (Then they'll just be "grossed-out", serves them right for eavesdropping) but just can't hear you tell them to take the trash out.

The kid should be fine, at 12 she should be somewhat aware of how adult boyfriends work and you can remind her that she can't have one until she's 17.

**happy ending** · 04-21-2009, 11:23 PM

my daughter was 9 when my boyfriend started sleeping over, to be honest i dont think she twigged to the whole sex thing, as she seem to think i'm too old, she said once i know why he likes to sleep over, because you are so nice to cuddle mum! and she enjoys having him around so it works fine for us.

04-18-2009, 12:26 AM	#1
littlegirllost VIP Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 41	Is it okay to have your boyfriend sleep over when you have kids Hi. I've been dating this guy for awhile and he asked me today if he can spend the night. I have a 12 year old daughter, is this appropriate to do with her in the house? We wouldnt be intimate together until she goes to bed of course. I could really use some advice. __________________ Littlegirllost

04-18-2009, 01:42 AM	#2
CHANDLERS WISH WH Head Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 12,685 Blog Entries: 8	That's a hard question to be honest, Has she spent time with the pair of you together? You say "dating", not that you have a boyfriend and that that person has spent time getting to know the pair of you, together, because he likes you and wants to be with you. It sounds more like, dating, just a person you enjoy being with, that can be gone from your life(lives) in the short term. If this is the case and you apply this now, then that means you will apply it with all that you date. This can be confusing for a young girl. If the guy likes you, then he would want to share both of your lives and would wait, until she felt like he was in her life as well, before staying over. Call me old fashioned, but that's how i read it. CW __________________ Women are Angels And when someone breaks our wings.... We simply continue to fly.........on a broomstick... We are flexible like that .... White Witch. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

04-18-2009, 04:07 AM	#3
Autumnbinature Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: California Posts: 20	do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law in other words do what you want. if your ready go for it. do you trust him if you do then why not let him stay.

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04-18-2009, 06:05 AM	#4
WildChild WH Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 8,699 Blog Entries: 6	I'd say not unless it is a stable LTR. This is an area where you need to be very careful, kids, even older ones can surprise you with their reactions.

04-18-2009, 01:39 PM	#5
happy ending Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: western australia Posts: 919	my daughter was fine with it, but she really likes my boyfriend. she is eleven. why not ask your child what they think. i did.

04-20-2009, 03:13 PM	#6
2morrow VIP Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Canada Posts: 70	Personally, I don't want mine to spend the night. I know that I am not looking for long term, so why bother. A few hours is fine, but then adios, time for him to go home. I have 3 kids at home, who would give me the third and fourth degree, if they saw him walking around the house at 8 in the morning. No thank you ! It all depends if you are wanting a long term with the fellow, if you are serious about each other and you want to move it up to the live in status, then I guess he does spend the night. It all depends on the relationship.

04-21-2009, 11:23 PM	#8
happy ending Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: western australia Posts: 919	my daughter was 9 when my boyfriend started sleeping over, to be honest i dont think she twigged to the whole sex thing, as she seem to think i'm too old, she said once i know why he likes to sleep over, because you are so nice to cuddle mum! and she enjoys having him around so it works fine for us.