After 4 months dry spell BF says it's easier/faster 4 him to masturbate...

**missyann** · 05-08-2009 10:17 PM

Boyfriend of two years has recently (within the last four months) quit 'being in the mood' and has shown very little interest sexually. After carefully addressing the issue with him several times, he finally came out with an answer: "It's just easier and faster for me to masturbate". To me, it seems like he's saying that I'm unable to satisfy and 'get him off' fast enough, but he told me I shouldn't jump to conclusions and it's unfair for me to expect him to change his actions for my personal interest. I don't even know how to react to this reply...Is this normal??? Is he gay??

**sourpuss** · 05-08-2009 10:20 PM

Sounds like he's just lazy. He doesn't want to put the effort into making you feel good because he can just make himself feel good without all the fuss.

**missyann** · 05-08-2009 10:29 PM

If that's your first impression (that he's just lazy), it makes me feel better. Still...we have had sex for a total of maybe three times in the last four months....

**alicat** · 05-08-2009 10:35 PM

no other way to put this...he's more into himself than into you. tell him that being fast in the lovemaking department is not something to brag about.

**WildChild** · 05-08-2009 11:12 PM

Ummm, when you are in a relationship, your sexual satisfaction and needs aren't just your personal interest. It should be of interest to him as well. If the two of you aren't having mutually satisfying sex or if one just isn't interested... what else do you have going in this? You're not married, presumably don't have a child together, what holds you in the relationship if he is this disconnected from your needs?

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-09-2009 01:49 AM

Even if its easier and faster for him to masturbate, hey I am sure a lot of us women could say the very same thing.. the closeness involved in having sex with the person you love matters and feels just as good or better than how quick or fast the orgasm is.

I orgasm FANTASTICALLY through masturbation and can hit my spot without even thinking about it but if I could choose that or to have my boyfriend bring to orgasm, Oh I'd pick him every time, and do.. every chance I get. It feels so good to be brought to that kind of pleasure from the person you care about.

His being lazy, his being selfish.. hopefully its a phase. He needs to understand how he is not the only person that matters, its a relationship between 2 ppl after all. His reaction of its no interest of yours speaks volumes of how he see's your relationship and agreed with the other poster that 'its all about him'.

Is he like this with other things besides sex? If your hungry and he's not does he think you shouldn't eat? But rather starve and wait for him to be hungry... yet isn't going to happen since he'd rather pick up a slim jim at the quickie mart on the way home from work every day rather than dirty a dish.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-09-2009 03:03 AM

missyann...

You need to stand tall and stand up for yourself... Stop allowing anyone to tell you how it is.

I have read all your threads/posts and replied to all..

You are perhaps on the gay side, thinking back to the ex-fiance and your thoughts there.

You tend to go for guys that are controlling, and can put a woman down, to suit their needs.

You once stated you would give bj's even when you didn't want to but he would do nothing in return.

None of this is healthy this realtionship is not healthy, he was in sales, now wants to be a Lawyer, a big shot..

You really think that a guy who prefers to masterbate, than love you "as I said once before " is worthy of being with you?

It's time to get the emotions in check and know who you are, and stop looking for the picket fence and believe that the next guy will be the one.

You want someone who wants to "love you" sweet, full stop, not tell you what they are going to do and what they are not going to do and what you will or won't do, pulling you down and making you feel bad.

He's controlling...

He is not marriage material, perhaps you are very smart in College and he sees that, a woman who will go places, you seem to me to have alot of smarts, and perhaps you are a woman whom he can control as well, so as he climbs he can tell you what is what, and you have to agree, a perfect person for him.

But, "give me a reason to marry you" and you rattle of commitment, security, the reason is "love" because i love you and i couldn't live without you your my mate, my friend, you make me feel like a woman, you make me feel proud, i love holding you and i love being with you, you make me feel special , wanted and you are my all.

Can you say all of that and mean it? I think not..

Don't waste valuable time of your life, it's too short.

Sorry, but why take that rubbish?

CW