Thread: i cant make my girlfriend orgasm...help??

Ok so my girlfriend and i have been together on and off since i was a freshman so almost 4 years... sexually we've done everything BUT actually having sex she is still a virgin however i am not and she wants to wait till marriage and i support her desicion but...

every time she and i mess around i cant seem to give her an orgasm... i mean our sex life is great except for that fact... its not boring, spontanious, sometimes planned but only when nessicary, lots of foreplay... well i guess all we do is foreplay haha... but i love kissing and licking her entire body.. we've basically tried everything... except actually having sex.. sometimes we'll even mess around in a public place... dressing room or bathroom etc. etc....

so i dont think that our sex life is too boring... but what usually happens is that i will finger her and eat her out at the same time until she will look and sound like she's about to finish but right before the big moment she'll tell me to stop because it's too painful...

now i've never gotten a bad report from any of my other partners so i dont think thats the problem ether...

but when she masturbates she has no problem orgasming... i've even sat there and watched her masturbate to see if she's doing something different down there and everything i try just doesnt work...

now she has only been with 2 people sexually so she is still very tender in thet area... she often complains of the pain she experiances when im only using 2 fingers and going at a medium pace...

but she says that she only experiances a slight tingling from clitoral stimulation... its really not strong at all... but she says the felling she gets when im actually penetrating with my fingers is MUCH greater so im thinking... maybe she'll orgasm if we actually have sex?? but im not sure and im not about to pressure her into it for the sake of an orgasm...

im out of options and it's starting to effect our relationship in a not so good way.... if any of you could give me some help with this it would be greatly appreciated.....

ok i hope my response can help :P the very first boyfriend i had (sexually) i was not able to orgasm no matter what we did! Till one day he just got soo frustrated that he went out and brought a vibrator to use on me...well it worked haha so basically we used that as the starting point for me to be able to orgasm with him 'in control' (even though it was a toy) but after a bit of practise i and getting used to orgasming under his control and not mine it eventually worked. Thats just my personal story maybe you should think out the box for another thing to try... you never know it might just work :P

I have the same problem as your girlfriend. You're probably not physically doing anything wrong. It's a psychological thing. I actually have it worse than your gf because I can't orgasm if anyone is watching or listening to me, even if I'm masturbating. This is embarrassing, but whatever-I asked somebody to have phone sex with me and before he knew I was masturbating it was so hard to not get off but as soon as he knew BAM...it was GONE. I couldn't get off at all. I felt nervous and my body would shake because I was trying to force myself to do something that my brain did not want to do. This could be that "painful" feeling you're talking about. My ex used to finger me before we had sex and I'd just start crying from that feeling. I think my nerves come from my expectation of myself to get off. I know that if I don't, the guy will be like, "whats wrong? why didn't you get off??". And even if he's respectful about it, I KNOW it's still a disappointment to him. So I have bad feelings about sex that I can't shake, and I worry about worrying. Because if I start to worry, I won't get off. That's how it works. I can sometimes get off despite the worrying if I tighten all of my muscles and rub my clit hard. But the feeling is never as good as when I'm mentally relaxed. Not nearly. I don't know how to overcome this problem but I hope this helps you understand and makes you realize that it's not your fault at all.

Well in the back of my mind I know it's not my fault but when she and I mess around then after I'll ask if she finished and she'll respond with "no, not quite" I just feel so self consious about it...

Because I broke up with her back in September and we just started talking and hanging out again about 2 months ago and that's when she told me that she never had an orgasm with me... She lied all those times...

But that's not what I'm angry about... After I broke up with her she went out and got a new boyfriend and they also messed around... Now when I asked her if it was good she said no... But just a few weeks ago I found myspace messages of them talking about it and she told him that she really liked it... Now obviously she lied to make me feel better and that's not really a big deal... I just can't get the idea out of my head that maybe he made her orgasm and I can't... And now she might be keeping the truth from me to make me feel better... And it's starting to effect our relationship... Badly...

But I feel like if can just make her finish I can get over the whole thing and forget about it... But I've never used a toy on her tho and that's what she uses to masturbate so maybe that's the issue...

LOTS of girls lie about having orgasms. I would NOT be surprised if she's lying to the other guy too. Understand that she probably feels a lot of pressure to orgasm and guilt about not being able to, and therefore: 1. she lies about it. 2. she can't orgasm.
Making her orgasm won't fix your relationship. It sounds like you have some problems. Usually if both people really like each other, they stay together. It sounds like one or both of you is only semi interested. Make sure this is not a relationship based on jealousy or insecurity. Anyway, every relationship is a learning experience. I hope you can enjoy it, however long it may last, and if it doesn't work out then I hope you learn from it.

Well the possibility of us breaking up over this is pretty much non-existent... I know I love her and I know she loves me I just feel so insecure about the whole thing... I just feel that if I could make her finish I would feel SO MUCH better...

And the whole thing about her feeling too much pressure to orgasm is a possibility that I've never really thought of...