Thread: I want him to want me

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 4 months. The sex when we have it is awesome and I am completely crazy about him. Our relationship is great and completely stable we are always honest with each other and are both in it for the long haul. He is an very logical person and has a lot of self control something I love about him except when it comes to our sex life. It never seems like he wants me. He says he enjoys sex with me and finds me extremely attractive but it seems like a chore for him. I asked him why and he says its probably because he's tired at night. Afternoon and morning sex is difficult because I feel too exposed and self conscious(even though I usually do it anyway) and because of our living situation (he still lives with his family and I live with a roommate). Even then its seems like he could take it or leave it. Sex seems like its something we have to schedule and I always feel like I'm the one thats pushing for it. I tease him and say "I thought guys were the horny ones." I've tried subtle things like unnecessary physical contact to downright overt things like parading around in sexy lingerie. He never lets his "other head" do any of the thinking and sometimes it would be nice if it took over so I could feel wanted again like I did at the beginning of our relationship. To put it bluntly how can I make him want to rip off my clothes and do me right then and there without him thinking too much about it?

I would be supremely grateful for any tips and/or suggestions.

well coming from a guy's point of view simply put... sometimes we just dont want to... it could be a million different reasons... but men will usually drop whatever they are doing to go have sex but once they realize they can get it whenever they want they only want it when they want it... see what im saying??

but keep that in mind next time you wanna jump in the sack... but these overly provacative things you're doing to get him in the bed can be quite cumbersome... especially when something else is on our mind and we have to drop it to go satisfy you... instead try small things... a little kiss in that certain spot he likes the most... or a sensual back massage... something of that nature... but when we're doing something and you start grabbing at our junk to let us know you're in the mood well it can be pretty annoying...

and try to stop planning your sex... once you guys start planning it all the time he plans other things around the times you're supposed to have sex and when u wanna be spontanious it throws his whould schedule for the day off...

i hope this helps you at least a little...

Early on I asked by guy what I should do to get him cranked and horny. His first reply was just "have a pulse and let me have you", but then made him give me a list of 4-5 actual things.

On the rare occassions he isn't already erect, the things on that list haven't failed me yet in over 3 years.

ASK him what cranks his gears. It's different for everyone

Originally Posted by letthisgo

I've tried subtle things like unnecessary physical contact to downright overt things like parading around in sexy lingerie.

Just FYI, a guy's definition of "overt" would be for you to play with his thing, even give him a handjob or BJ, without being asked. It's a shame he still lives with his family. A lot of women will wait until a guy gets the "morning wood" and make their move while he's still half asleep...

I'm just saying, you asked. There are a lot of women out there who think nothing of going down on a guy without asking first.

I'm not saying this should be a norm in a healthy relationship, but it's OK for the woman to be the initiator when it's necessary to jump-start things. There is no excuse for a guy in his 20's or even 30's not needing to be "serviced" on a regular basis (i.e., daily).

i have to agree with richard s, a guys idea of overt is jumping on top of him while you are naked saying give it too me big boy- walking around in your smalls would count as very subtle!

Afromonky, I believe what you say about when men know they can get sex at will (ie. are in a committed relationship with a women with a healthy appetite for orgasms) they do seem to need sex less than when they are single and taking free meals where they can get them, hungry or not since they don't know when the next one is coming

Its frustrating for women who have high drive because we've been fooled by the media, by society in general that men are always horny and ready to go. So they expect it, when the cold hard truth is revealed that eh, their drive is actually about the same in most cases and perhaps even quiet a bit less in others it takes a while for it to settle in.

Many will feel rejected, unnatractive, unwanted by their SO because they think - hmmm he's a man he should want it every time I snap my fingers and say go.. he doesn't , so therefore somethings wrong with me - when that is most likely not the case.

I think sometimes men, on the otherhand.. from society and media etc.. assume women to have less of a drive and can take or leave sex so when they aren't in the mood they don't feel the need to assess the situation properly to see if their SO is, and try to please them.

Communication is the ONLY way to sort it out, talking about what you like what you want, what makes you happy what it makes you feel like when he is absent in the bedroom sexually. Never blame, accuse or say anything to make him feel like its his responsability to satisfy you - we'd jump down the throat of a man that spoke that way about his lady. But letting him know you need him, I don't think that is an unfair thing to talk about.

you nailed that one HD..there r a lot of misconceptions about men and sex out there..

From a guys point of view, I think you should be concerned. If your guy doesn't want to rip off your clothes 4 months into a relationship- and this is what you want- I think you are not going to get what you want from him.

Seriously- back in the days when I was 4 months into a relationship, and assuming he is late teens to early 20's- I would be all over my girlfriend whenever possible. Too tired in the evening for sex? Is he doing something that really would be exhausting him(12 hour days of hard labor for instance)?

Yes communication is key. But guys are often not good at communicating. I suspect he is not telling you something- here are my guesses(based upon my own mistakes in communication)
a) he is just not as into you as you think. This may sound harsh, but that was my first thought when I read your post. Talk with him.
b) you may be turning him off in some way and he doesn't want to tell you- guys are stupid that way. What do I mean? Sometimes its something little like a il-timed comment when he is getting frisky. After a few times, he might be thinking that he just doesn't want to bother. Talk with him.
c) Often guys don't get subtle. Tell him exactly what you want, but in a non-threatening way and time, like while going for a walk. Or write him a letter describing exactly how you would fantasize him taking you. Let him read it while you go down on him(positive reinforcement)
d) Quid pro Quo- talk with him- ask him what he would like sexually and let him know you are more than willing to help him realize his sexual desires if he will help you feel as desired as you want.

Good luck- lots of communication is the key.

A normal guy's way at breaking up with a woman.

Show them so little affection and dont communicate.... that way the woman will dump us.

Very teenager, but still used.