Not sure what more I can do

**janetfan70** · 05-14-2009 02:09 PM

My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years and we haven't had sex in 7 months and its driving me CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!. Over and over again I have asked my husband if there is anything that he wants me to do differently and over and over again he has told me no. I even tried coming out of the bedroom wearing nothing but his football jersey and a black thong.....nothing. I left him sexy text messages....he didn't answer them because he thought they were from his friends. I've made the first move a few times but he couldn't do anything because I was on my period. But when he wants to have sex, he tries turning me on knowing that he hasn't bathed in a few days and to me right there that is a major turn off. I have tried over and over again to talk to him about this but he wont open up to me. Right now there is so much temptation out there and I am fighting so hard not to give into it and I even told him that I cannot do this alone. Someone please tell me where I am going wrong with this before I lose my fight with temptation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-14-2009 04:53 PM

Hi Janet...

What does your husband do for a living, does that co-incide with him not wanting to shower for a few days?

That part, I just don't get with a person... Other than laziness, which stems obviously to your other problem, sex...

So his friends, sends sexy messages to him? As a joke? Is he a lad, does he go out with them frequently, at pubs for instance...?

Apart from sex, how is your relationship, I imagine that it's all feeling non eventful.. I imagine you don't get hugs or kisses either, or laughter.

Is your husband stressed at work?

A little more information may help, work out why he is like this with you.

But definately 7 months, geez, your married, If you can't resolve this I would be saying to him, get your shirt together or find someone else because I'm young and you only live once and I don't deserve this sort of life.

CW

**WildChild** · 05-14-2009 05:19 PM

The thinking the sexy messages are from freinds is nonsense. The message box tells you at the top who it's from. Unless he doesn't have your number in his directory, he knows who it's from.

Have you tried getting to shower together? Let him how much he turns you on all squeeky clean? How long has he had a problem with sex during your period? Some people can't take that but if you were trying to initiate during that time it sounds like you must not have expected him to have a problem with it?

**dr.mansview** · 05-14-2009 11:13 PM

perhaps things are getting too routine for him after 7 years..you're obviously doing your part..football jersey and a thong..certainly gave me a visual..perhaps work is getting him down and he just doesn't want to put out the effort..he won't open up to you..not that unusual for many men..i know my picture is pinned up on a few dart boards..i'm sure infidelity has crossed your mind..do NOT confront him with that but keep an eye open..good luck..football jersey and a thong and nothing? sorry, that visual just popped back into my head..does he need an eye exam?

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-15-2009 12:47 AM

7 Months is a long time, I am curious how you managed this long without blowing up at him either about this issue or other issues out of sheer frustration... or have you already done that?

He has not went 7 months without an orgasm I am sure, unless he has a medical condition he must be relieving those testicles through masturbation occasionally (unless he's trying some tantric celebacy thingie but you'd think he'd let you know if he was!)

Have you tried snagging him in the morning and taking advantage of the early bird special? Sexy clothes wont always do the trick.. I am learning that myself. I use to flaunt my body around my boyfriend in various ways and he would grab me and want me right away, but soon as we got comfy in the relationship I could wear outfits, costumes, lingerie.. pose and do splits on the floor in front of him and he'd not look away from the TV set lol.

I was offended, of course.. but sometimes , especially if a guy is tuckered out he might need some tactile stimulation along with the visual to get the party in his pants started. Sit next to him and rub his thighs the next time your in that jersey and thong and the hint is sure to be taken.

**Ms A** · 05-15-2009 08:37 AM

I haven't had sex with my husband for 1.5 years... And the most interesting thing is that he seems to be happy without it. I think that in severe cases like that marriage counceling is the only option to a separation. I will probably some day take a deep breath and deal with it by suggesting either one of these two options... For now, I do follow the path that most people don't approve... for many complicated reasons.
But if you are in love with your husband - couples therapy (or whatever it's called) is probably the most reasonable thing to do when you are not intimate for such a long time.

**WildChild** · 05-15-2009 09:50 AM

Mrs.A get him in for a physical, including hormones. He may have a testostrone deficiency. Has he put on weight? Does he get moody, irritable, low energy? There are a number of things that could cause it but it affects far more than sex drive.

**Ms A** · 05-15-2009 10:12 AM

Oh dear, he is a physician in private practice, it's impossible to get him to do those kinds of checks. Works until 6, then goes to GYM until 9 pm and comes home physically exhausted and happy. Perfect shape, handsome guy, friendly with lots of hobbies. Loves his work, reading smart books and his sports activites. Just not interested in all that romance and stuff. Probably got married and had children because that's how it is supposed to be in life. He is happy and doesn't want to change anything. My problem that i was so much in love in the beginning that didn't recongize how things are and now I am kind of trapped. So, for me it's probably lost case with this particular relationship. He

**WildChild** · 05-15-2009 10:18 AM

Total lack of interest in sex is a bit off, ya know? Three hours at the gym is pretty active-doesn't sound like his energy levels are affected. Guess it's like the mechanic who doesn't spend the time to work on his own car but he really should get it checked.

**Ms A** · 05-15-2009 10:26 AM

I think I am off-topicking here, but still want to reply

I think he releases himself regularily, at least he can spend at least 1 hour in a shower, so I assume so.
Yes, this does seem very weird and and I keep asking myself: how could this happen to me? I'm young and pretty and sexy (sorry for not being modest, but it's just true). And it's not like I asked for sex every day, but something like twice a month sounds at least OK for couple married for 6 years, right? (of course i'd prefer much more, but I'd accept that in order to compromise) But no.
I think you're right that we would need some kind of professional help: either couple therapist or hormone check, but for now I feel so indifferent... i just can't start this thing. He annoys me and after being rejected for so long, I don't want him to touch me ever again.

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