Where is my orgasm?

**ThexMrs** · 05-17-2009, 02:47 AM

The title of this thread may sound funny but to be honest, this is a major problem for me. If you have any, ANY advice at all, please respond.

So here is the deal:

I can make myself orgasm without any problems but when it comes to including a man in bed, I just cannot. I've never been with a man that has made me orgasm while having sex, not even oral. I've been very close with oral and I'm sure I would have but we decided to have sex to finish. I never came close to orgasming. I don't know what the problem is. It doesn't hurt but at the same time, it doesn't really feel good either. This leads to me faking it so that they can "get off" and for me, it can just be over. I feel guilty about this too. It seems that just about the only part of sex I like is the intimacy, the closeness of being with the person you care about. I don't know if this will matter but I've only had sex a handful of times. Maybe a handful and a half. I've been with 4 different men. You tell me.

I really feel like I am broken and I don't want to be.

So tell me, where is my orgasm?

Onalish · 05-17-2009, 03:29 AM

just curious, have you tried women?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-17-2009, 04:03 AM

Seriously? I don't think it's a case of man or female rather whom you connect with...

A man can take you to the end of the earth if he's prepared to spend the time, and I guess a woman can too.

We can do because we are only experimenting with ourselves, no pressure... Finding... And that can result in alot.

4 relationships? Real and I mean real love of your life, with full understanding of sexual beings, can make it happen...

So can a person whom is just a sexpert, one whom knows how to do it.

Your limited time and whom you have been with, or definately HOW you communicate with what you want, what HE wants, it's a two way street is why you havent, but can on your own.

We can do amazing things, but we can also teach but frankly? It's a two way street both want the best... not just getting their rock off and therefore, happy to "let go" and be..........

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-17-2009, 06:11 AM

I orgasm about 75 percent of the time when I have sex with my boyfriend, before him I hadn't had sex since I was much younger but back then it was more around 10% of the time. I think it comes with being comfortable enough to get what you really really want out of the guy and that usually is easier for women when trust is involved and they know the other person isn't going to judge them.

For example when you were close during oral and he started to move back up, if you were comfortable with him and yourself you could say 'wait' or ' 'that feels so good, please don't stop'. When a guy finds a spot on the inside that makes you feel good a simple 'keep it right there' will sometimes let them know they are doing something that needs to continue.

Making a guy come requires a constincy of motion, the typical guy isn't going to come during a blow job if your just throwing a lick here , a suck there... thats fine for the foreplay of it, but to really get him there you usually have to find that zone and keep it consistant. Some guys don't realize we are the same, and doing random moves and changing it up all the time while licking, fingering or penetrating with their penis ... its going to make it hard for us to find the groove we need to come.

The good news is you are orgasmic, sinc you do so during masturbation. Trusting a man enough to give him the map and directions to taking you to your destination is all it sounds like you need.

**WildChild** · 05-17-2009, 09:11 AM

HD is right, it needs communication and CW is right that connection can be very important. I think the biggest part of it isn't between your legs but in your head. You've gotten yourself there and that's a really good start you have to willing and able to let go with a partner. That requires trust and willingness to share yourself, your pleasure on that level. A man who is really skilled, into it and willing to take the time could probably get you there - there really aren't that many at that level. You can get yourself there.

The first thing is to lose the idea that a man can 'make' you orgasm. You orgasm. A clumsy man can sometimes keep you from it but another person really can't 'make' you. I think of that statement as some guy holding a gun to your head. "cum or else". Doesn't work. Well, there are some people that just might do it for but not most of us. LOL. Essentially that may be what you are doing to yourself, demanding that you cum, waiting expectantly for it to happen. You know what they say about a watched pot? Never boils. An over anticipated orgasm is just as hard to cum by.

Here is comes... yep... a book. Then I don't have to write one on here. Get, The Orgasm Loop, read it, actually follow the instructions that the nice sex therapist lady gives, she does this for a living. Seriously, I'm multi and when I read it I realized that I did a lot of what she was teaching just on my own, which is why I keep recommending it. For me it was a combination of reading about tantric techniques years ago and just personal experience with some youthful, uhmm, mind enhancement thrown in. You can get there all perfectly legally, clear headedly and without too much trial and error by following this book. It can't hurt and it might help so why not?

Give it a really good trial and see what happens? It's pretty simple really. I admit I do one thing she says absolutely not to but I've been at it for along time on my own and there are multiple things that work for me, I don't usually think about it although sometimes I do purposefully just clear my mind and engage in sex from a totally different mental place just to keep myself sexually and mentally flexible. Because it is state of mind first. How about trying it out - I mean really, not just sort of kind of and then reporting back your experiences? Maybe you could help others then? I get awfully worn out recommending the same book over and over.... LOL. I would love to hear every women who comes on here, come back and say wow, I'm orgasmic! Totally. We could change the world one woman's orgasm at a time. (Ok so I've been mostly in bed sick for a week and I'm feeling a lot better but have a lot of pent up energy - the LOML has been asking are you sure you are really well? He's going to find out just how well when I get him alone).

Do give it a try. I think it just may give you the tools you need to get over the top. Once you've got it you can have it for life!

**ItsASecret** · 05-17-2009, 10:58 AM

I cannot orgasm either, I do touch myself and can make myself orgasm but the feeling is just not the same with my man even if he touches in the same way as I do. I also would recommend you read books on the subject, but only if you truly understand and believe in tantric energy. You can use a search engine and you can get to a site (I will not list it) that will give previews of orgasm books, thats probably a good way just to get a feel for the general sense that all books will give. You can also research the techniques that you read about because they are all over. Just take your time and find what you think will work for you, I am still searching and trying my hardest to orgasm with my boyfriend and won't give up until I do lol.

**amaranthine** · 05-17-2009, 05:27 PM

I've not had problems enjoying sex, but recently I have noticed that it is starting to feel much, much better. I usually orgasm, too.
Thing is, my boyfriend and I aren't doing much different. We experiment here and there, but most of it is the same.
I've come to believe it's because of our connection. I'm in love with him, I relax more, I trust him, it feels awesome.
It could be that perhaps your connection with these boyfriends isn't as complete as it needs to be?

Try to relax during sex, don't concentrate on having an orgasm, but just let yourself enjoy the motions. Have you tried touching yourself during sex? That might work also.

**ThexMrs** · 05-18-2009, 04:14 PM

Quote:

just curious, have you tried women?

No, not to the extent that I would have an orgasm. With women I have only gone as far as fondling and kissing. Fingering and oral has not been reached so far.

Quote:

4 relationships?

No, I have had MANY relationships but I have only had sex with 4 men. I waited to lose my virginity until I found the right person. Last April is when I "thought" I had found him but I was wrong.

Quote:

I think it comes with being comfortable enough to get what you really really want out of the guy and that usually is easier for women when trust is involved and they know the other person isn't going to judge them.

I couldn't agree more. I'm still in the stages where sex is really awkward. I almost feel like a child going through Sex Education again. I am always aware of where my hands are, what I'm doing, etc. I guess I'm not focusing on anything but feeling like a complete fool. I worry whether or not I'll touch him wrong or make an odd noise. I don't know why... I've never had any complaints. Even the man I lost my virginity to told me afterwards that there is no way I was a virgin. I'm just afraid of looking bad.

Quote:

For example when you were close during oral and he started to move back up, if you were comfortable with him and yourself you could say 'wait' or ' 'that feels so good, please don't stop'.

I'm comfortable enough to do that... Finally. I did that with the last guy I was with.

Quote:

The Orgasm Loop

I'm definitely going to get that, thank you. I won't just skim it and report back either. I'll really read. And I think you're right... I need to stop thinking that a man will make me orgasm. I make myself orgasm. I've never thought of it that way.

Quote:

It could be that perhaps your connection with these boyfriends isn't as complete as it needs to be?

With my ex boyfriend, our connection was through the roof. I loved having sex with him even though I didn't have an orgasm. I was more than happy just to please him and watch his reactions. I loved him with all of my heart and I would have done anything for him. It felt good to me, with him.

The last man I had sex with. The connection was good but our relationship was so up in the air. He were dating but he wasn't seeing anyone else and he didn't want me seeing anyone else, yet, we weren't exclusive. I just went on doing my own thing. Now he's coming to me saying that he wants it to be official and he's in love with me. I'm REALLY confused and have not had sex with him since. I don't know what to do. I don't want a mental block.

Quote:

Have you tried touching yourself during sex?

Yes, I have... That hasn't worked either.

**dr.mansview** · 05-18-2009, 04:45 PM

don't worry where your hands are and don't worry about making strange noises..men aren't analizing about those things when we're busy enloying you body..anything you do feels good..a man just wants to know that you are enjoying the sex,,as women tend to do don't over-analize..don't be afraid to be aggressive..i believe most men like aggressive women in the bedroom..RELAX HE NOT CRITIQUEING YOU..he likes what he sees

**ThexMrs** · 05-19-2009, 11:06 PM

Hmm... I hope that is true.

05-17-2009, 02:47 AM	#1
ThexMrs Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Oregon. Posts: 3,482 Blog Entries: 13	Where is my orgasm? The title of this thread may sound funny but to be honest, this is a major problem for me. If you have any, ANY advice at all, please respond. So here is the deal: I can make myself orgasm without any problems but when it comes to including a man in bed, I just cannot. I've never been with a man that has made me orgasm while having sex, not even oral. I've been very close with oral and I'm sure I would have but we decided to have sex to finish. I never came close to orgasming. I don't know what the problem is. It doesn't hurt but at the same time, it doesn't really feel good either. This leads to me faking it so that they can "get off" and for me, it can just be over. I feel guilty about this too. It seems that just about the only part of sex I like is the intimacy, the closeness of being with the person you care about. I don't know if this will matter but I've only had sex a handful of times. Maybe a handful and a half. I've been with 4 different men. You tell me. I really feel like I am broken and I don't want to be. So tell me, where is my orgasm? __________________ "I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it, anywhere I go, you go, my dear, And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling."

05-17-2009, 04:03 AM	#3
CHANDLERS WISH WH Head Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 12,627 Blog Entries: 8	Seriously? I don't think it's a case of man or female rather whom you connect with... A man can take you to the end of the earth if he's prepared to spend the time, and I guess a woman can too. We can do because we are only experimenting with ourselves, no pressure... Finding... And that can result in alot. 4 relationships? Real and I mean real love of your life, with full understanding of sexual beings, can make it happen... So can a person whom is just a sexpert, one whom knows how to do it. Your limited time and whom you have been with, or definately HOW you communicate with what you want, what HE wants, it's a two way street is why you havent, but can on your own. We can do amazing things, but we can also teach but frankly? It's a two way street both want the best... not just getting their rock off and therefore, happy to "let go" and be.......... CW __________________ Women are Angels And when someone breaks our wings.... We simply continue to fly.........on a broomstick... We are flexible like that .... White Witch. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

05-17-2009, 06:11 AM	#4
Hopeless Dork Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: United States Posts: 2,162	I orgasm about 75 percent of the time when I have sex with my boyfriend, before him I hadn't had sex since I was much younger but back then it was more around 10% of the time. I think it comes with being comfortable enough to get what you really really want out of the guy and that usually is easier for women when trust is involved and they know the other person isn't going to judge them. For example when you were close during oral and he started to move back up, if you were comfortable with him and yourself you could say 'wait' or ' 'that feels so good, please don't stop'. When a guy finds a spot on the inside that makes you feel good a simple 'keep it right there' will sometimes let them know they are doing something that needs to continue. Making a guy come requires a constincy of motion, the typical guy isn't going to come during a blow job if your just throwing a lick here , a suck there... thats fine for the foreplay of it, but to really get him there you usually have to find that zone and keep it consistant. Some guys don't realize we are the same, and doing random moves and changing it up all the time while licking, fingering or penetrating with their penis ... its going to make it hard for us to find the groove we need to come. The good news is you are orgasmic, sinc you do so during masturbation. Trusting a man enough to give him the map and directions to taking you to your destination is all it sounds like you need. __________________ ------------- Defintion of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

05-17-2009, 05:27 PM	#7
amaranthine Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 137	I've not had problems enjoying sex, but recently I have noticed that it is starting to feel much, much better. I usually orgasm, too. Thing is, my boyfriend and I aren't doing much different. We experiment here and there, but most of it is the same. I've come to believe it's because of our connection. I'm in love with him, I relax more, I trust him, it feels awesome. It could be that perhaps your connection with these boyfriends isn't as complete as it needs to be? Try to relax during sex, don't concentrate on having an orgasm, but just let yourself enjoy the motions. Have you tried touching yourself during sex? That might work also. __________________

05-18-2009, 04:45 PM	#9
dr.mansview Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: canada Posts: 1,219	don't worry where your hands are and don't worry about making strange noises..men aren't analizing about those things when we're busy enloying you body..anything you do feels good..a man just wants to know that you are enjoying the sex,,as women tend to do don't over-analize..don't be afraid to be aggressive..i believe most men like aggressive women in the bedroom..RELAX HE NOT CRITIQUEING YOU..he likes what he sees __________________ a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

05-17-2009, 03:29 AM	#2
Onalish Junior Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: north carolina Posts: 26	just curious, have you tried women?

05-17-2009, 09:11 AM	#5
WildChild WH Moderator Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Western USA Posts: 8,646 Blog Entries: 6	HD is right, it needs communication and CW is right that connection can be very important. I think the biggest part of it isn't between your legs but in your head. You've gotten yourself there and that's a really good start you have to willing and able to let go with a partner. That requires trust and willingness to share yourself, your pleasure on that level. A man who is really skilled, into it and willing to take the time could probably get you there - there really aren't that many at that level. You can get yourself there. The first thing is to lose the idea that a man can 'make' you orgasm. You orgasm. A clumsy man can sometimes keep you from it but another person really can't 'make' you. I think of that statement as some guy holding a gun to your head. "cum or else". Doesn't work. Well, there are some people that just might do it for but not most of us. LOL. Essentially that may be what you are doing to yourself, demanding that you cum, waiting expectantly for it to happen. You know what they say about a watched pot? Never boils. An over anticipated orgasm is just as hard to cum by. Here is comes... yep... a book. Then I don't have to write one on here. Get, The Orgasm Loop, read it, actually follow the instructions that the nice sex therapist lady gives, she does this for a living. Seriously, I'm multi and when I read it I realized that I did a lot of what she was teaching just on my own, which is why I keep recommending it. For me it was a combination of reading about tantric techniques years ago and just personal experience with some youthful, uhmm, mind enhancement thrown in. You can get there all perfectly legally, clear headedly and without too much trial and error by following this book. It can't hurt and it might help so why not? Give it a really good trial and see what happens? It's pretty simple really. I admit I do one thing she says absolutely not to but I've been at it for along time on my own and there are multiple things that work for me, I don't usually think about it although sometimes I do purposefully just clear my mind and engage in sex from a totally different mental place just to keep myself sexually and mentally flexible. Because it is state of mind first. How about trying it out - I mean really, not just sort of kind of and then reporting back your experiences? Maybe you could help others then? I get awfully worn out recommending the same book over and over.... LOL. I would love to hear every women who comes on here, come back and say wow, I'm orgasmic! Totally. We could change the world one woman's orgasm at a time. (Ok so I've been mostly in bed sick for a week and I'm feeling a lot better but have a lot of pent up energy - the LOML has been asking are you sure you are really well? He's going to find out just how well when I get him alone). Do give it a try. I think it just may give you the tools you need to get over the top. Once you've got it you can have it for life!

05-17-2009, 10:58 AM	#6
ItsASecret Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 602 Blog Entries: 2	I cannot orgasm either, I do touch myself and can make myself orgasm but the feeling is just not the same with my man even if he touches in the same way as I do. I also would recommend you read books on the subject, but only if you truly understand and believe in tantric energy. You can use a search engine and you can get to a site (I will not list it) that will give previews of orgasm books, thats probably a good way just to get a feel for the general sense that all books will give. You can also research the techniques that you read about because they are all over. Just take your time and find what you think will work for you, I am still searching and trying my hardest to orgasm with my boyfriend and won't give up until I do lol.

05-19-2009, 11:06 PM	#10
ThexMrs Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Oregon. Posts: 3,482 Blog Entries: 13	Hmm... I hope that is true. __________________ "I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart, I am never without it, anywhere I go, you go, my dear, And whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling."

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