Thread: Partner doesn't fancy me

CW pretty much said it all. Love should never depend on looks. It simply doesn't work that way.

I'm 19 years old, about 5'3", so I'm quite small. My boyfriend is much taller and much bigger, and he's about 40 lbs overweight. It's obvious that he has extra stomach fat, and his legs are large.
I could not care less. I love him for him, his personality, and what we do together. I actually enjoy him this way, because there's more to hug and hold onto in bed.
No one wants to hug a sack of bones.

At 50 especially, you've lived through your youth and you should be able to just relax and feel comfortable with yourself. Shame on him for distressing you with such menial matters! You're still able to do everything you were used to, it's not like you're so overweight that you can't perform certain activities, so he shouldn't be complaining so much.
I know that sometimes family members will get on each other out of concern for their health, but this doesn't sound like that kind of case to me.

After 16 years, this shouldn't even be in the radar of problems. He should be loving you for you, and not the way you look. He sounds very selfish and immature to me.

When a couple meets and falls in love, attraction plays a big part in the initial connection, once that loves develops, it goes beyond the superficial and is deep and meaningful. He is failing to be a supportive partner on so many levels, he is asking you to lose weight for selfish reasons: appearances. If he said to you that you are beautiful as you are , and he wants you around for a long long time , so wants you to exercise and eat healthy - it would invigorate your self-esteem and be an encouragment.

Instead he doesn't have sex with you, makes you feel worthless... pass the cheeto's and my vibrator please - is how a lot of women would react. How dare he? And after 16 years? Is just cruel in my book.

CW brings up a good point - what if he developed Erectile disfunction and couldn't take viagra because of a medical condition - would you leave him if he could not perform? After 16 years of loving this man? Probably not. He may be in the house but he has left you in the physical/sexual way that must hurt you so deeply.

He's in the gym, he's working out - he can offer you to come to spend time with him as well as get healthy. He is just going about this all wrong. I like to think my body is okay but I have some areas that need tightening up, when I brought this up to my boyfriend he said I should go to the gym with him, it would be fun for us to go together . See, support.

He could have said 'oh honey you don't need to lose a thing, you are perfect' and that would have made my day, but not served me any good for my body lol - and he could have said , 'yeah you should work on that and i'll have sex with you more' and I would have kneed him in the testiculars and left. Okay I wouldn't have done that - but my heart would be broken. Instead he chose an approach that would benefit me, and encourage me.

Your husband needs to learn how to make you feel loved as you are, to be happy with who you are so that you want the best for yourself an your health. Making you feel low and unnatractive won't accomplish this and could send you off to greener pastures. He should be more considerate.

My boyfriend is so smoking hot. It was the first thing that drew me to him and it still causes me to want to rip his pants off constantly... but I am so in love with him, I trully am. If he gained weight and his appearance changed, if he lost his hair - he would still be the man that lights my fires, he will always be as hot to me as that first day I layed eyes on him. My hearts memory of those feelings of attraction will burn within for as long as I am with him.

I can't ever imagine his appearance changing causing me to not want to be with him, to connect and be intimate and share pleasure with. Okay if he changed drastically past the point of even a minor attraction I may not be jumping his bones 24/7 like I do now, but such is life, I enjoy everything about him not just his looks - those fade- for everyone. Couples grow old, I am in love with a guy in his late 20's, attracted to him as he is now, will he look the same at 60? likely not... my tastes will change to match my love for him - thats how its supposed to work is it not? Should weight gain (when health is not an issue) not be treated the same?

M&M's you bring up an excellent point. When you think you are attractive, when you are confident in your own skin and happy with yourself - other people see that light in you and are drawn in no matter if its meets the stereotyped beauties or not.

I've heard one guy say that guys generally aren't even aware of little flaws we have until we ram them down their throat and force them to notice. Honey is my butt too big, honey is my butt too big, honey is it? my butt... its like we try to convince them to think badly of it.

When we feel beautiful and project that to the outside world they feel it, when we feel down about ourself, hunched over not giving eye contact - they feel that too.