Thread: how do I come clean to my Hubbie?

I know that I shouldn't feel guilty about tha masterbation but I love him s much and it kills me to lie to him when we are just talking and we question each other about weather either of us has done it alone. If he finds out that I have been lying to him he'll be mad. And knowing my husband he will hold it against me and use that as an excuse to masterbate constantly.

I think this may be a double standard to a degree you might feel like you are missing out on something if he is doing this alone or while you aren't there i think alot of women are like that, question why do you feel guilty that you masturbate? If you have a higher sex drive and you are fulfilling this yourself then it shouldn't be a problem or something you feel guilty over, at least you are doing it yourself! Also the same with your partner think of it like that he is doing it himself, whilst yes you maybe missing out on something men are visual, they often use porn or things like that because thats more of what turns them on where as women aren't so much like that a good thought or fantasy going on in your head can often start the spark lol.
Maybe you just need to learn to compramise I wouldn't worry so much about telling him, it may not do a great deal of help to tell him either thats the way i see it. He may actually see it as he is letting you down because you are masturbating all the time without him or that he cant live up to it, its normal to want to masturbate and if it helps to relieve your stress and your problems then it shouldn't be a problem for anyone!

I think the idea of him having fantasies about the women in the porn is a huge anxiety for me. If he needs a visual then I feel like he better be looking at his wife. Especially if he is too tired to get oral sex or a handjob or have intercourse.... then why would he have energy to masterbate?

Boy I would sure tell him....but for (probably) the wrong reasons. You say you're masturbating because he's not having sex with you? I had a similar experience with my boyfriend and I made it clear that it was necessary for me to start masturbating because I wasn't getting enough from him.

If you think your boyfriend is at all sensitive with the issue of you masturbating...well...perhaps telling him could solve the larger issue.

But maybe I'm just being the Devil's advocate here....

With you and/or on you sounds like a solution if he can only get off as much (at times) doing it himself.

I make my BF do it a couple times a week, just love watching him stare at me while he does, though I push him by posing and talking (a LOT).

When he gets off that way I get to actually see him release and never fail to be impressed with what he produces just from being hard over me. And that yell/moan at the end is all mine.

I know that I shouldn't feel guilty about tha masterbation but I love him s much and it kills me to lie to him when we are just talking and we question each other about weather either of us has done it alone. If he finds out that I have been lying to him he'll be mad. And knowing my husband he will hold it against me and use that as an excuse to masterbate constantly.

It's not the masturbation you should feel guilty about, but the hypocritical double standard you've been holding him to! I mean... you drop the hammer on him for being honest about masturbating, then go off, do it yourself, look him in the eye, and lie to him about it http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...s/confused.gif

I think you'd both be happier if you let him know that you've been too hard on him and give him permission to masturbate as long as he can keep you satisfied. Coming clean about doing it on the side is probably not a good idea because not bringing it up lets you avoid a potentially messy scene where he might get mad and hold it against you. If it comes up on its own, though, you should break the cycle of lies by telling him the truth and apologizing for being so hard on him.

Originally Posted by pickemtay

I think the idea of him having fantasies about the women in the porn is a huge anxiety for me. If he needs a visual then I feel like he better be looking at his wife. Especially if he is too tired to get oral sex or a handjob or have intercourse.... then why would he have energy to masterbate?

If he's too tired for these things then he's too tired to appreciate you for doing them. You're better off having good sex when you have sex and not making him involve you when all he wants is a fire-and-forget orgasm.

Oh my word... i feel better now that i dont feel so alone out here in my frustration... but my husband is happy for me to go masturbate.... and i have to or i can't sleep .. I just wish he would rather come to me for a quicky than masturbate because i am in desperate need of more love making, sex... and intimate sensual time.. if i could get it 2 times a day it might help not 5 times a month if im lucky..