Why can't I feel sex?

**Sarah1987** · 05-24-2009 10:28 AM

Originally Posted by hello_pitty

I agree with everything said above. But you can expand your sexual exploration by trying different positions (like woman on top..I recommend it), go slower, maybe you're rushing? Also you can try different lubes, like the tingly kind or the warming lubrication.

Does he move really fast and hard when he plays with you down there with his hands? I know I don't like it when my hub rubs too fast...I like it when he moves slow and barely touching me.

I agree, get some more books and read up girl...you'll be glad you did!

Thanks for the advice. We try different positions, but sometimes we tend to go fast....we do slow down but it makes no difference to me because I can't feel too much.

Yeah he does move really fast and hard when he plays with me and I tell him he is hurting me. He slows down but I just don't like it.

You know what I think the problem is....when we're having sex most of the time I don't 'think dirty' or have any fantasy. I don't think of anything that will arouse me...my mind is like 'hey there is a guy on top of me'! I'm still not used to this stuff. I never had a boyfriend and my husband was my first kiss, first guy to touch me, my first date, he is my first everything. Maybe I should give this sometime and see how it goes.

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-24-2009 10:58 AM

If you want to protect his feelings, I can understand that... you don't need to go in and tell him that every single moan was not genuine and that you have never enjoyed sex with him. But going forward you can cease to fake the orgasms. I respect your beliefs and not wanting to masturbate because of them. Many women learn how to orgasm through this experience and are then able to guide the men in their life to how to satisfy them, but without doing that you can still find out what pleases you with your husband.

I don't know if your beliefs allow you to experience pleasure in any form during the act of sex, I imagine they do or your wouldn't be seeking ways to feel sensations during the act.. but I'd be willing to bet a lot of why you are not feeling things is not allowing yourself to, a mental block.... so to speak. If your beliefs allow you to enjoy sex during the sanctity of marriage you can relax now and enjoy it... and all the things I mentioned besides the abominable movies , etc.. doing to yourself - you can just do with your husband.

Have him lay with you, have him caress you slowly and try to discover what parts of your body like to be touched and which ways. I think it will only help you grow as a couple for you to start enjoying yourself - doing sex for his pleasure only can breed resentment in the long run on both sides.

**WildChild** · 05-24-2009 10:59 AM

It sounds like you still strongly invested in the religious teachings you were raised with. So your idea of involving your husband is a good for you. This will take time and communication. You may want to look at the material from the Welcomed Consensus. They offer a very clinical education on female orgasm. It is not porn but does show the female genitalia for the purpose of explaining exactly what to do and how. If this is within your acceptable range you and your husband may find it very helpful. There are also some books available. You can pick and chose what parts to use. Education is critical to understanding your body, for a long time women's sexual needs were ignored and as a society we are pretty ignorant still.

There is some material produced by members of various religious groups, I don't know how good any of it is, so I can't make any recomendations. I do have some deeply religious friends, some are literally the epitomy of frigid (as in I'm so glad I'm 50 and never have to think of sex again) and others are very sexual and sensual. One lady in particular is very open sharing that she and her husband have a "naked day" once a week. They are probably the most strongly religious people I know, simply because they do practice tollerance toward others while not compromising their values. They very clearly love each other deeply and have a good sex life. I think they make a point of talking about it sometimes just to encourage others to see that it can be done. Perhaps you could look around in your faith community and see if there are any ladies who have a good marriage with a strong sexual componet? Or get online and see what books you can find? I like Amazon's 'take a look' feature since it lets you read several pages and get a feel for the book.

**Haven** · 05-24-2009 02:49 PM

It sounds like your body hasn't been able to interpret the sensations you're feeling as pleasurable because you have no prior experience with them. Your husband is trying, but whatever sexual knowledge and experience he has isn't enough to make up for your lack.
Good thing you asked for help!

The first step in the process is getting the sex education you never had. Don't get it from your peers - get it from reliable sources like books written by sex therapists. If you and your husband learn as a couple, it'll be easier for you to talk about it and share in the benefits.

Once you've learned about your anatomy and what works for other people, the next step is to find out what your body likes. Self-exploration is the best way to accomplish this. You haven't wanted to do that because back when you were young and impressionable, credible people told you touching yourself was bad. Instead of trying it for yourself, you took them at their word and abstained for 21 years. That's a remarkable choice.

Objectively speaking, though, it probably wasn't the best decision. Nobody likes to admit they were wrong, but surely you can agree that you wouldn't be in this mess if you'd known enough about your body that you could have enjoyed sex with your husband from the very first time the two of you made love. The good news is that it wouldn't be too late to change your mind.

Sexual pleasure is something everyone deserves to enjoy. Even if you have to find arre ways to work around your beliefs, like using your mind to control your husband's body to control your body, you should do what you've gotta do. It'll be worth it.

**Haven** · 05-24-2009 02:50 PM

arre = b i z arre

**prbyjennifer** · 02-17-2011 10:57 PM

I do agree with everyone else here I think you 1. need more arousal and there are allot of creams offered for this type of issue 2. You have to remember that men think with here penis, women we think with our brain so while he see's you naked and gets a hard on and is ready to jump in bed, your standing there thinking " whats your deal I was just getting in the shower"..

Sex for women is all in the brain, you need to be in the mood, you need to have foreplay between 10-30 mins. and it will depend on each woman. You need to explore your own body no matter how gross you may think it sounds b/c only you will know where you like to be touched. You need to be in that mind set of relaxation weather that means taking a hot bath with your favorite bubbles/bath gel etc.. laying there with soft music playing enjoying your time alone and maybe it will take using that favorite body lotion that you think just smells amazing. So I think relaxation, a good arousal cream & lubrication (waterbased for bed play) (silicone based for longer all nighter sex & water/anal play).. I wish you luck ...
P.S. If you haven't had a g-spot orgasm and your looking for that special spot, insert your 2 fingers into the vagina and your going to do the "come here" motion its going to be up near your belly button and its going to feel a little ribbed. (feel the top of your mouth) thats about the same texture your going to feel. It will take practice and searching around to find it but you need to find it and play around with it before you have him find it b/c if you both explore together to find it, it can turn into something very unpleasent just because he's wanting to please you and your both getting frustrated b/c you cant find it..

**Texasred** · 02-17-2011 11:09 PM

Jennifer,
You DO realize the OP was last on here almost 2 years ago?

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