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Thread: I am not attracted to my husband!!

  1. #1
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    Default I am not attracted to my husband!!


    I am 42 years old and have been married for 19 years to a man who is a wonderful husband and father. Shortly after we were married, I lost interest in him sexually. I am not attracted to him and do not desire to have sex with him at all.

    For 15 years I have been "in the closet" with this secret and have pretended to want sex over the years, but as the years pass, I am less and less willing to fake my interest and have begun to express to my husband that I have lost interest in sex.

    This is only a half truth, however. I have lost interest in sex with my husband but have recently realized that I am able to become sexually aroused by others. I have not and will not have an affair. I only say this to point out that I have not lost interest in sex completely. It just seems to be with my husband.

    For a long time, I have felt sorry for him, but recently I began to realize that I am also suffering because I have not had pleasurable, passionate sex in 15 years.

    It has come to the point where if I do not regain interest, I will do us both a favor and dissolve the marriage to save him and me further frustration and dissatisfaction.

    I'm sure that I am not the only one out there having this problem, so I want to hear from others battling the same issue.

  2. #2
    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    Question:-

    "Shrtly after you got married you lost interest in him sexually"...

    Do you know why? Have you ever sat down and asked whether it was all there before you got married, or whether the playing wife/cleaner/cook, made you feel differently and look at the relationship differently, like you were owned, or a maid?

    I am just curious that's all.

    I married someone who changed like the wind once married. Became lazy, to the extent of even taking garbage out or, pruning rose bushes, or turning a tap on so the sprinkler would water the gardens whilst I was still working, would be out and get home after guests arrived, even though he was meant to clean the BBQ and get ice, etc, etc, etc, that's enough to be turned of a guy sexually and not want to give him jack shirt, trust me... That was for 7 years...

    Like you, I realised that i was very sexual and it wasn't me, and I hope not like me, depends on what you can solve from this, i walked in the end..

    It's not all sex, rather, living in a loveless marriage that is really only flat mates and a friend, laughter, but no passion, lust, love... Rather, in, out, roll over, thanks, sleep.. No thanks.

    That sucks.

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE LIGHT IN MY SOUL!

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    The original poster could almost be my wife (don't worry, she isn't really). My wife also lost interest in me and I've never figured out why.

    Since I am on the other side of this, I'd suggest she:

    Think about why you lost interest. Did he change? Did you? Were you never really attracted to him?

    What is it about other people that appeals to you? Could your husband change to be like that?

    Since you didn't say, is it other men, or women you find yourself attracted to?

    Then:

    If it is possible he could change, you should let him know what you want. I suspect he knows something is wrong but doesn't know what to do about it. At least see if he is willing / able to become what you want. (Of course that is a huge thing for him to do and to be fair you should be ready to become more what he wants).

    If he can't change - then I don't think you are doing either of you a favor living in a passionless relationship. You should divorce and let him find someone who will appreciate him.

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    Quote Originally Posted by nk444 View Post
    I am 42 years old and have been married for 19 years to a man who is a wonderful husband and father. Shortly after we were married, I lost interest in him sexually. I am not attracted to him and do not desire to have sex with him at all.

    For 15 years I have been "in the closet" with this secret and have pretended to want sex over the years, but as the years pass, I am less and less willing to fake my interest and have begun to express to my husband that I have lost interest in sex.

    This is only a half truth, however. I have lost interest in sex with my husband but have recently realized that I am able to become sexually aroused by others. I have not and will not have an affair. I only say this to point out that I have not lost interest in sex completely. It just seems to be with my husband.

    For a long time, I have felt sorry for him, but recently I began to realize that I am also suffering because I have not had pleasurable, passionate sex in 15 years.

    It has come to the point where if I do not regain interest, I will do us both a favor and dissolve the marriage to save him and me further frustration and dissatisfaction.

    I'm sure that I am not the only one out there having this problem, so I want to hear from others battling the same issue.
    My Wife could have written this one too....just not as long a length of time on the lack of lust. I have been married 10 years....togther another 10 and we had a great sex life....since the kids and starting our marriage it slowed down some with kids etc....no big surprise...but then I got sick slow chronic issue which took about 4 years to develop fully and it really effected my sex drive/performance. I am just recovering from the disease now...but not knowing I was sick effected my ability to perform to her standards and my previous abilities....Because of that she now has little interest in Sex with me. Now that I am healing and feeling and physically performing better I have he anxiety issue of failing to perform and/or being very nervous with her do to the fact that she is critical and extremely expectant of what sex should be. Basically if she has sex she wants it to be porn star quality of don't bother....that pressure just ruins my ability to perform.

    She is convinced there is little we can do and tells me to live with it. Our lives are great otherwise but the lack of itimacy and lack of passion is killing me. I am one of those guys that without passion there is not great sex. We once had it...I want it back but I can't figure out how to get her to really try. I keep saying we need to walk back into this not run and try hard for both of us....she agrees verbally but her actions are less than that.

    Anyone got ideas thoughts expirences suggestions???

    Thanks

    Lou

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    Quote Originally Posted by nk444 View Post
    I am 42 years old and have been married for 19 years to a man who is a wonderful husband and father. Shortly after we were married, I lost interest in him sexually. I am not attracted to him and do not desire to have sex with him at all.

    For 15 years I have been "in the closet" with this secret and have pretended to want sex over the years, but as the years pass, I am less and less willing to fake my interest and have begun to express to my husband that I have lost interest in sex.

    This is only a half truth, however. I have lost interest in sex with my husband but have recently realized that I am able to become sexually aroused by others. I have not and will not have an affair. I only say this to point out that I have not lost interest in sex completely. It just seems to be with my husband.

    For a long time, I have felt sorry for him, but recently I began to realize that I am also suffering because I have not had pleasurable, passionate sex in 15 years.

    It has come to the point where if I do not regain interest, I will do us both a favor and dissolve the marriage to save him and me further frustration and dissatisfaction.

    I'm sure that I am not the only one out there having this problem, so I want to hear from others battling the same issue.

    This is my worst fear in life. My wife has little interest in sex after only a few years of marriage.

  6. #6
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    hi guys i recently had a similar problem, i am only 28 got married at 21 had first child at 23 second at 27, and after both children my wife seemed to totally lose interest in sex, or maybe i thought just in me. However through my massive search of the net i came across a you tube video called nymphomaniac wife. this was a prelude to being sent to the following website:
    Nymphomaniac Wife | Hot Wife With High Sex Drive | More Intimacy | Marriage Relationship

    this is not one of those sex experts promising he can fix your sex life. in fact he makes it very clear that it is totally up to you. But here is the jist of it. You read through the webpage and find a link to purchase an e-book for $27. the book is called: “How To Turn Your Wife Into A Nymphomaniac”.

    The 99 page book, basically explains why women do not react to stimulus the same way men do and it explains in simple to understand language (i.e. for men) what women are really expecting from their husband, and the things we (men) do subconciously in how we speak and treat her, that turn our wives off. in other words we are the ones killing her sex drive! (suprised, well it suprised the out of me too.) Also how to imbed in our minds the changes neccessary to make you and your wife happy.

    Wives if your reading this and you are missing that spark, and i mean the feeling of being completely loved by your man, and not just his sex object, you should get this and give him a printed copy! (this is for the lady who said she has not had passionate sex in 15 yrs. it is probably not you, it is more than likely him) to often as i realized after reading the e-book and giving it some thought, the simple truth was as soon as we were married i stopped treating her as the love of my life and starting treating her like my live in sextoy. She like you just dealt with it because she loved me.

    Lets just say i bought the book, took 2 days to read it. ( i read it twice) Implemented the changes and it took less than 72 hrs and walla! Not only did she come home from work after being up all day and working 8hrs 2nd shift, and basically took me. THAT RIGHT she came after me. Wouldn't that be nice guys? Not having to guess any more?

    Trust the voice of experience take the first step, read the book, apply it, and ENJOY!

    PS: WE HAVE ALSO HAD SEX TWICE TODAY TOO.

    see ya later, signed one happy husband

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    I don't even have to read the book to know what it says. I was taught how to be a "good wife" and not how to have a relationship and so I tolerated things that I should have said in the beginning were not okay and faked my way through many moments physical and emotional, all the while thinking this man is an idiot, why do I have to do this and now I'm just not willing. I try to teach my boys that saying things to your wife like oh hear we go again with that oxygen channel . Touching her ALL the time like an octopus is just overkill to women. Okay yeah we get that you need a lot of sex but my God I'm bending over in the refrigerator looking for something on the bottom shelf and you just grabbed at me walking into the kitchen and now I can't even bend over in the fridge without you being behind me. And all you come back with is "well I have needs and if you're not going to meet those needs". I'm sorry I guess what you need matters and what I need to give you what you need doesn't matter just as long as you get your "fix" like a drug addict. And I'd be more than happy to give it to you if you would just stop acting like an and give me some flowers or a neck rub or SOMETHING to show that I am more than just some person who you use for your "fix" because I'm a woman with emotions! Hopefully my boys will do better than my husband. And the joking, there is absolutely NOTHING funny in joking about liking, looking at or thinking about another woman, even someone you could never get in a million years like Beyonce. And guess what Beyonce says the same exact thing to her husband! That's how we are wired and if you can't get that even after 21 years, then bye bye! After 21 years he's on his way out the door, even if he'd read the book, it's too late, I don't even like him at all at this point. I'm glad you got it, maybe others will too. For us it's too late. So much anger and damage has been done.

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    My Wife lost the desire to have sex with me a couple years back, and it caused some big problems in our marriage..

    Someone gave us some good advice that really helped us..

    We were told to just do it anyways, even if you don't have the desire.. The more sex you have, the more you want it.. So instead of her making up excuses not to do it, she just did it anyways.. and it jump started our sexual relationship back to the way it used to be..

    Now we have all the great sex we used to have and our marriage is freakn perfect. She desires it all the time now!! It saved our marriage, and since my Wife was willing to go along with it, this proved to me that she was still in love with me..

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    that is exactly why I don't get married. If me and my girl friend ever had the problems described it would be over and done with so fast. Women are fast to say men are lazy lovers I think it can be just as easy for a women to be lazy as well.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bucket List Here I Come View Post
    That's how we are wired and if you can't get that even after 21 years, then bye bye! After 21 years he's on his way out the door, even if he'd read the book, it's too late, I don't even like him at all at this point. I'm glad you got it, maybe others will too. For us it's too late. So much anger and damage has been done.
    I feel your pain, BLHIC....it is definitely too late after so many years of hurt and neglect BUT it's not too late for you to find happiness elsewhere.

    I don't know your situation or if you are contemplating a change. I just want you and other women to know that it is possible to find happiness after a bad marriage....you just have to want it and try to find it. Don't settle for unhappiness...life is too precious.

    "Take the first step in faith - You don't have to see the whole staircase - just take the first step."
    - Martin Luther King Jr.

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